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Fosterdog

Does he actually have a problem with !!!!!! (as in watching too much) or is it just a now and again thing, say once a week and you just happened to catch him?

If the former then something needs to be done as it's very common for !!!!!! addicts to become completely desensitised when it comes to actual sex with a real partner.

If the latter, personally I don't see a problem with it, obviously you do but as important as it is for you that he doesn't watch it, maybe it's just as important to him that he does.

Have you actually tried watching it with him? Could you ask him to find something more realistic for you to enjoy together and give it a try?

Please don't feel unattractive, just because he's watching !!!!!! doesn't mean that he doesn't fancy you, it may even make him appreciate you more. If there was something he was watching because he wanted more from you or a specific act he would have asked or at least tried to encourage it previously. If there's not one particular type of !!!!!! he's watching constantly then there's probably no hidden fantasy that he wants you to do certain things and more general browsing and watching whatever is the highest rated that day.

People do have different libidos, maybe his is a lot higher than yours and instead of pestering you constantly knowing you wouldn't be interested he gets his little "fix" and then goes back to normal life.

Gavin83

I'll be honest, I couldn't be with a woman who told me I couldn't look at !!!!!!. I couldn't lie to her about it either so if she had a real problem with it I'd leave her. Your on the opposite end to me but you still need to decide if this is a big enough issue for you to end your marriage over as he probably won't stop.

I'll offer this from a mans perspective, who watches !!!!!! and who is in a long term relationship. I have a very strong relationship with my girlfriend and a very healthy sex life. Watching !!!!!! doesn't mean I find my girlfriend any less attractive and I certainly don't wish her to look like the girls in the videos. Like most men I'm very visual and find it very hard to masterbate without some sort of visual aid. Thats all !!!!!! is to me, a masterbation assistant, it's certainly not a partner replacement. It's really no different to a woman owning a sex toy. As long as a partner isn't choosing !!!!!! over a healthy sex life I can't see the problem. My girlfriend actually supports it as if she isn't feeling in the mood it gives me a release. If it's really an issue for you though then end it as he probably won't stop.

A woman who doesn't like !!!!!! but has a sex toy or reads that 50 shades stuff is a hypocrite quite frankly. I also think it's extremely unreasonable to not expect your partner to masterbate if your not in the mood. Nothing wrong with not wanting sex but you shouldn't expect your partner to do nothing if they're feeling it.

Tiddlywinks

Wannabehappy wrote: »

I agree Torry quinne. I have thought about counselling but I am so so mad at the moment for him carrying on with this habit, knowing it hurt my feelings.so going for counselling, well I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that or prepared to do that 'for' him when he's done nothing to try to change.
I have had children, sacrificed my career somehwat to have kids,always took responsibility for most things, been a good wife, really. I feel like this is the thanks I get.can't help but feel angry

Hmm... are you sure it's just the !!!!!! issue that is the problem?

You sound very resentful about many aspects of your life...

bagpussbear

Torry_Quine wrote: »

While counselling for the marriage may be good why should she come to peace with him being so selfish?

Agree! she doesn't need counselling, the OP is of the opinion this is offensive to her and she is entitled to feel like that. Whether others agree with !!!!!! or not, is irrelevant. She doesn't have a 'problem' she has an strong opinion on something, that's the difference.

When one person in a marriage is doing something the other finds offensive, hurtful etc then it needs to be discussed and a solution found.

There seems to me only 3 potential solutions though:

1) she turns a blind eye/accepts/or even joins in with it
2) he stops
3) he doesn't stop, and she can't turn a blind eye and ends the marriage.


I feel for you OP.

geoffky

If any women mentioned counseling because i liked !!!!!!..I would point her in the direction of a local family court..
It is not about what you look like.It is because it is not you and is unavailable.
Watching !!!!!! can bring back to life so many peoples love life and it can end it if one of the parties have problems.
!!!!!! is your problem..Not your husbands.

SavingPennies_2

Unless its excessive and he's turning you down in favour of the !!!!!! I don't think it's such a big deal

However...I can't see the link between the !!!!!! and him having his phone on silent and being uncontactable at work, so I'm assuming there are some other issues underlying in your relationship which may explain why this has upset you so much.

As it happens my phone is on silent and I don't like being phoned at work, I don't even have a high pressure job or anything, I just prefer to keep my private life outside of work life so I wouldn't say it necessarily suspicious.

Netwizard

I know all my male friends (and most of my female mates) have at some point watched !!!!!!.

Its a fantasy. It doesn't mean you don't fancy your other half. A lot of my male mates have girlfriends and love them dearly. For them, !!!!!! is just a quick release for when the mrs doesn't want or fancy sex.

There is nothing to it at all. Its just a means to an end. Saves annoying the mrs asking for sex when she doesn't feel like it.

Most of my female friends are pretty open minded about things like this, and I confess, I wouldn't want to have a girlfriend that is so close minded to it. I know some couples watch it to spice up their sex life. !!!!!! can be fun! Just cos your husband / boyfriend watches it, doesn't mean he doesn't find you sexy.

and as for the phone thing, We aren't supposed to use phones at work either. I assume most employers wouldn't want their employees messing with their phone all the time, they are there to work after all

Torry_Quine

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'll be honest, I couldn't be with a woman who told me I couldn't look at !!!!!!. I couldn't lie to her about it either so if she had a real problem with it I'd leave her. Your on the opposite end to me but you still need to decide if this is a big enough issue for you to end your marriage over as he probably won't stop.

I'll offer this from a mans perspective, who watches !!!!!! and who is in a long term relationship. I have a very strong relationship with my girlfriend and a very healthy sex life. Watching !!!!!! doesn't mean I find my girlfriend any less attractive and I certainly don't wish her to look like the girls in the videos. Like most men I'm very visual and find it very hard to masterbate without some sort of visual aid. Thats all !!!!!! is to me, a masterbation assistant, it's certainly not a partner replacement. It's really no different to a woman owning a sex toy. As long as a partner isn't choosing !!!!!! over a healthy sex life I can't see the problem. My girlfriend actually supports it as if she isn't feeling in the mood it gives me a release. If it's really an issue for you though then end it as he probably won't stop.

A woman who doesn't like !!!!!! but has a sex toy or reads that 50 shades stuff is a hypocrite quite frankly. I also think it's extremely unreasonable to not expect your partner to masterbate if your not in the mood. Nothing wrong with not wanting sex but you shouldn't expect your partner to do nothing if they're feeling it.

As someone who has never owned a 'sex toy' or read 50 shades I agree with your reasoning here. However I don't think that masturbation is appropriate in a marriage. If your spouse doesn't want sex then it's not necessary in my opinion to do anything. By the way she hasn't even mentioned whether he does masturbate.:o

Torry_Quine

geoffky wrote: »

If any women mentioned counseling because i liked !!!!!!..I would point her in the direction of a local family court..
It is not about what you look like.It is because it is not you and is unavailable.
Watching !!!!!! can bring back to life so many peoples love life and it can end it if one of the parties have problems.
!!!!!! is your problem..Not your husbands.

Actually it was suggested she gets counselling to be able to come to terms with his habit. The problem is both of theirs as it's affecting the marriage

Netwizard wrote: »

I

as for the phone thing, We aren't supposed to use phones at work either. I assume most employers wouldn't want their employees messing with their phone all the time, they are there to work after all

I agree but on one time on MSE when I suggested that it wasn't usual to be contactable on your mobile at work I was seen as strange.

Fosterdog

Torry_Quine wrote: »

As someone who has never owned a 'sex toy' or read 50 shades I agree with your reasoning here. However I don't think that masturbation is appropriate in a marriage. If your spouse doesn't want sex then it's not necessary in my opinion to do anything. By the way she hasn't even mentioned whether he does masturbate.:o

But we also don't know how often she wants sex compared to how often he does, whether it happens to be at the same time and how often they actually have sex.

I have PCOS and sometimes I can go a few weeks in too much pain to have sex, it's not that I don't want to but can't. I'd rather OH has some release by watching !!!!!! than having a load of pent up sexual tension that makes him irritable and grumpy. Again not his fault if no sex has that effect on him it's his hormones