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LouLou

tandydadder wrote: »

4. Much has been said regarding the age of the 'models', and some who's posts I have respected greatly on this thread was admonished for mentioning the phrase 'young women'. The fact is I mentioned the age of the models concerned. I'm bothered because it feels that some of you have waxed lyrical about my situation without fully reading my post. The age of the women seemed to range between 19-25. This isn't really a reflection of my husband's personal tastes, but more the availability of the images. He tended to buy Nuts and Zoo. It was by drawing his attention to the women's personal info, ie age, interests etc as laid out in the blurb in the mag, his attention was therefore moved from their t*ts & as*. He was mortified as his view was then subjective, rather than objective. And guilty coz he had become so lazy in the bedroom on account of it all.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone, tandydadder, which goes to show (yet again) how things get misinterpreted at times on forums. I said "young women" solely because you mentioned something about your husband watching a 19yo in your first post, but it wasn't meant to imply anything morally dodgy: there's no way I can know or suggest such things.

bitemebankers kept banging on about the "age" too, so, unless I'm so sleep deprived I'm just not getting the message, I've no idea what his fascination was with it?

Anyway, I'll reply when I can properly to your post later, if need be.

lostinrates

Tandydadder,

I think you have been very good to expand on your situation here.

As someone with no strong feeling either way on !!!!!! but a feeling I am not educated enough to say it definitely causes no harm or causes some harm on a social level I do find the smaller, more personal scale something easier to comprehend. People's personal assumptions of the behaviour might be amusing were they not depressing. (And I am not talking about just looking at !!!!!!) .

Anyway, I'm pretty impressed you came back to exapnd on your experience. I'm hoping op is ok even if she feels she cannot post any more. I wouldn't if I were her either. At times when strung out the best thing to do is walk away from threads like this.

tandydadder

Apologies Loulou... I greatly appreciate your posts. I was referring to the responses that YOU received on account of the age thing. Think someone asked you how you would know when it's obvious to me that you had read my post in full. (Thank you BTW!)

LouLou

Gavin83 wrote: »

I watch some stuff that people would consider fairly extreme, although nothing illegal or violent. To be honest regular stuff does nothing for me anymore so I guess you could consider me in this category. However it doesn't have any negative effect on my "real life" relationship.

tandydadder wrote: »

...I mind very much being REPLACED by !!!!!! though. !!!!!! became the easy thing to do, at my (and therefore OUR) detriment. this attitude also pervaded other aspects of our marriage eg helping kids with homeworks, sharing the domestic loads etc.

...If he had a 'healthy' relationship with it, maybe I'd have turned a blind eye. I can't say for sure though, because that wasn't our case. Fact is, he was having a horrendous time at work. He really didn't have the energy or inclination to meet my emotional needs at that time

...He was mortified as his view was then subjective, rather than objective. And guilty coz he had become so lazy in the bedroom on account of it all.
, giving up the !!!!!! was, in the end, a very small sacrifice to him, and we had a whale of a time 'recapturing the magic'. He doesn't trust himself with it now in case his use of it escalates again.

...Recognition of the preciousness of love.... It's so very rare..

I hate to cherry pick (and I realise they're out of context now in this format) but these quotes pinpoint why I feel !!!!!! just can't be "harmless". Particularly Gavin83 saying that he prefers "extreme" to "ordinary" !!!!!! to get any pleasure out of it nowadays (he said "regular stuff doesn't do it for me anymore" so I'd assume that means it's been a gradual shift....something I also suspect is very common amongst regular !!!!!! viewers).

But, why would that be?? I can't fathom how "extreme" viewing doesn't equate to real life, real sex...how you can be absolutely sure that it doesn't affect you psychologically, colour your opinions, expectations, somehow. I can't help myself, but your honesty (thank you for it) both disturbs and upsets me.

Also, I shudder to think what "extreme" could mean..but I hope I'm wrong.

Tandydadder's elaborating and clearing up a few assumptions (also, thank you) reinforces my suspicion that !!!!!! mostly isolates and harms, rather than brings two people closer (as is often said in its defence).

I'm thrilled by the comment about the "preciousness of love". If only we all thought about that for a few minutes of our time every day, we'd all benefit from it. I like the idea of meditating on loving energy, rather than destructive energy (makes me sound like an old hippy!!). :T

LouLou

herand wrote: »

As long as it's dealing consensual Adults does it matter? One person's extreme might be another persons normal. Then you have hentai or animated pornography which is obviously fantasy and has more to do with the storyline than anything sordid.

What's the big deal with pornography ? People would have classed simply the naked body as being pornographic which is alarming. It isn't cheating on your partner, it's not illegal. Yes some people might be influenced negatively by it but that shouldn't be the norm.

Heck what did people do when mass produced printing became available, they made pornographic content. Then photography came along and they were just as "rude" back then too.

See, these posts wind me up. I wonder if some people even read these threads properly. It is a "big deal" if you are feeling alienated, humiliated and unappreciated by your partner. It is a "big deal" if you're being lied to and treated like a piece of meat. It has been said again and again, explained to the nth degree.

Why would a previously loving and attentive partner start lying, focussing lots of energy on !!!!!! and ignoring his other half? Why would a man start watching what he calls "ordinary" !!!!!! and move onto "extreme" stuff and insist it doesn't affect his relationship? Why would there be a need for "more and more stimulation" (whatever it may be) to get your kicks anyway?

What other people do and choose to watch is entirely up to them, as long as they're both happy about it and behave like sane, respectful adults. I'm even willing to believe it can be just as helpful as it is harmful depending on the viewer: but what I do know is that a lot of the websites I've seen put out a lot of sinister and degrading messages out there.

!!!!!!, particularly now it's so rife on the internet and so competitive, can be skewed more towards being "shocking", and I wonder where it will all end.

bitemebankers

LouLou wrote: »

"!!!!!! helps keep couples together?". It would depend, of course, on what itch the person was scratching.

With the aforementioned proviso that it's legal etc. I don't see why it would matter. Fantasy is fantasy. It certainly doesn't bother me that my partner fantasises about stuff that I can't physically provide and/or am not personally into.

I know if I found Group Sex/Gay !!!!!!/something that's more horrifying in a boyf's "!!!!!! stash", it certainly wouldn't make me feel aglow with relief, and Thank goodness that !!!!!! was doing the "babysitting" by stopping him cheating on me.

To be honest, I just don't find it horrifying at all, and I don't know why anyone would do, unless they were pretty insecure about their relationship to begin with. I guess if your partner has form when it comes to cheating or whatever, this might be a problem, but for most relationships, I don't see what there is to get worked up about. A lot of people have fantasies that involve a different gender to their partner, or BDSM, or perhaps something quite surreal, that they've never got any intention of persuing in real life - 99.9% of it is just harmless fun.

I'd wager that in these situations, !!!!!! probably damages more relationships than it helps: purely because of its nature, being a secretive, solo pursuit (usually). Obviously when it's used as a stimulant for couples or it's completely open for discussion, that's different and much healthier for everyone involved.

What about couples who do both? I.e. sometimes watching !!!!!! together and sometimes watching alone?

neverdespairgirl

bitemebankers wrote: »

It's not a right, but at the same time, it's not unreasonable for people in a relationship to want a satisfying sex life. I can't see why a loving partner would want to deny their other half something which give them sexual pleasure and release, provided it's legal.

There are lots of legal things that might give my other half sexual pleasure / release, that would result in my aiming him out of the door sharpish.

stir_crazy

I don't see how asking a partner to stop doing something that upsets them is unreasonable. I've got no problem with !!!!!! (legal and within reason) but if it was being used to replace me in the bedroom then I would have a major problem. It's something that is either a solo experience or viewed completely together.