Confused and unhappy

peachyprice

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

For many people (including me) marrying someone knowing neither of you wants more children, and taking all reasonable steps to ensure that, does not mean that if a pregnancy does ensue, an abortion is the next step.

I'm not talking here about anyone else - but I would find it very difficult indeed to abort a healthy fetus even if I'd not wanted to become pregnant.

Of course other people feel differently - that is why the right to choose is so important.

Yes, I agree entirely, that is a very important right.

Perhaps I see it more from the OH's point of view, we've decided that's it, no more children and take measure to ensure it doesn't happen.

If, by some one in a million chance I were to fall pregnant now no way would I be having that baby, and I'm afraid to say, if my OH wanted me to have it I would feel very betrayed, hurt and lonely and it would be game over, it's not something I would be prepared to compromise on, at all.

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

I totally agree with this, and I suspect this is the main issue here, she might accept the situation or actually even worse (for him) be happy about it, when he just consider abortion the obvious next step and can't understand that as this pregnancy is a total accident, something they agreed they didn't want, she wouldn't automatically go for this solution that would solve it all. In the end, she is in control, he isn't and that's hard when you believe you've done everything to avoid that exact situation.

In this instance, I would feel for both. Very tough and the only way they can sort it out is trying to understand and respect how the other feels.

This is exactly what I was alluding to when I mentioned earlier that depending on how she broke the news to him could have a huge effect on his reaction.

If she were just as devastated as him he probably would have reacted completely differently than if she happily made the announcement with the intention of having the baby with no room for discussion.

Ck1

I have to put a sample in at my drs I have done more than one pregnancy test at home just to make sure and all have come back positive.
Today became a turning point in our relationship.
I was taking my gd to the dentist this morning as her mum had to work
On the way there I saw my hubby's car, he went to work this morning as usual I thought, but no he was watching to see where I went so it obvious he thinks I have cheated.
I dropped my gd at school came home he was packing some stuff said he can't cope with all this.
How do I feel I don't even know one minute everything was great and now my whole life has been turned upside down.
I feel so alone and don't know what to do
Thank you everyone for your replys it really has helped me I have no one I could talk to about this thankyou

paulineb_2

I think if your husband cant even stay and support you through this and not realise that vasectomies can fail and is sure that you have cheated, you are quite frankly better off without him.

Neither do I think its ok for him to have had that reaction, he threw his dinner at you? No one deserves that.

You need support right now and hes running off when you need him most, I think he needs to go and see his GP

Also, Id advise you to think really carefully about a termination, weigh up the pros and cons, because if you do decide to go ahead with a termination, its obviously going to mean no baby, but its not going to deal with his reaction, his blaming you and his suspicions that you slept with someone else.

The failure rate for vasectomies is low but it can happen.

System

Maybe when he gets his next girlfriend pregnant he'll believe you were right all along and you will have moved on... but we hope it doesn't come to that.

sassyblue

What a terrible time for you OP. Your husband is behaving like an idiot - that's probably the kindest word l can get round writing due to the rules on here.

First give yourself some time to absorb all this, the pregnancy comes first and when you decide what you want to do - you can decide if you want hubby onboard or not. Yes, YOU are in charge.

I'm not sure l could ever get over such treatment.

xxx

peachyprice

Op, could you ask your doctor to speak to him to explain that vasectomies do fail after all the years?

Gra76

sassyblue wrote: »

Your husband is behaving like an idiot

Until CK1's last post about her other half stalking her to see where she was going and then started packing his bags I was going to argue his point. I've since changed my mind somewhat...

I had a vasectomy myself in 2011 to make sure we wouldn't be hearing the patter of any more tiny feet. I'd imagine my reaction to hearing my wife was pregnant would be to wonder how it was possible as well. Let's face it. It's either you or another man that's put it in there, and if you've had a vasectomy there's only one thought that would spring into any males mind instantly.

He is however, being unreasonable in packing his bags and leaving... If it were me I'd be going to the docs with a sample to have it checked just incase things had 'fixed' themselves.

I hope he sees sense.

Pechow

If I were in his position, I'd hope I'd have enough faith in my partner that even though it does seem likely that she cheated, I would at least get myself checked to see if there is a possibility that she is telling the truth. I also assume that OP would offer a paternity test if the child was kept, to prove it was his*, which again would say to me it's very likely my partner was telling the truth about not cheating. That he doesn't feel this way is very sad, and pretty selfish-I understand how he feels but it's still OP that would ultimately have to deal with the situation one way or another, still OP that would have to go through pregnancy if that's her choice, still OP who would have to raise the child (apparently alone) if it was kept, and his "fault" that it happened in the first place.

I hope he comes around, but he's said such hurtful things that it seems a lot of trust will have been lost in the relationship. I hope things work out as best as they can for you OP.

*(I have no idea if prenatal paternity tests could be done before the limit for abortion, in cases where you don't want to keep a child but wish to prove he was the parent)

claire16c

So instead of going to the drs to get a sperm test or a talk on how it's not always 100%effectiv- or even a 5 min google search to find out the same, he's wasting time stalking the OP.

How mature.