Confused and unhappy

meritaten

How are you today OP? can I just say - don't take everything said in anger as being written on stone tablets. Your OH has obviously had a massive shock and he may need more than a few days/weeks to think things through. first - if you used a home pregnancy test go see your GP and get it confirmed. you may be one of the unlucky ones to get a false positive.
then - I think its a case of waiting for OH to calm down and to sort out your own feelings.
I really hope everything turns out for the best for you - oh, and while you are at GPs you may want to ask for counselling for yourself, it could be very helpful.

claire16c

GPs don't do pregnancy tests. You will only get a false positive if you've recently miscarried.

poet123

claire16c wrote: »

GPs don't do pregnancy tests. You will only get a false positive if you've recently miscarried.

Not strictly accurate.


http://www.babymed.com/pregnancy-testing/false-positive-pregnancy-test-result

ska_lover

I really feel for you OP. As I said in my last post, me and OH are in a similar stage of our lives (as in not wanting any more kids).

How do YOU feel? What is your heart and head telling you to do?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a female and am almost always on the females side, but dare I say it, can understand the anger on your OH part.

I think it is wrong that he is directing it AT YOU - as there isn't a blame issue (or shouldn't be) - but for someone to suddenly announce that life as you know it is suddenly about to change permanently and the life you had planned and discussed is now over....forever...in favour of changing nappies once again....well I think I would go off on one like a bloomin volcano to be honest with you. I think he is angry at the situation - not at you. But obviously I am guessing as I do not know you or your OH

I am sure you are feeling completely the same and are dumbfounded by the situation yourself - but us females are generally better emotionally equipped than men (sorry chaps, but it IS true) and we are much more emotionally stronger.

So he's had a tantrum and gone into a strop. I think how you handle things from hereonin is very important to the future of your relationship.

To all the people who are saying DNA tests to prove it - I am afraid that if, after discussion my OH refused to believe a child I was carrying was his, and I had to do a Jeremy Kyle style DNA test to prove I hadn't cheated - I am afraid I would tell him to get on his bike. If my OH didn't have enough trust or faith in me just telling him, I would be mortified and tell him to sling his hook!

If he is genuinely serious about him or the baby, you have a big descision to make.

Mojisola

claire16c wrote: »

True. But he also slept with her knowing nothing is 100%. It takes two people to make a baby.

He may have forgotten but it's very unlikely that he wasn't told of the possibility of this happening when he had his vasectomy.

Thumper7

As much as I can sympathise with the OP, I can totally understand her husband's reaction.

OP I don't want to make light of your situation but it puts me in mind of the coronation street storyline, whereby Julie thought she was pregnant and Brian had had a vasectomy. Turned out it was a tumour. I hope that this isn't your situation.

If I was you I would get all the info you can about vasectomies and their failure and get your hubby to read them. Hopefully after that you can both discuss this calmly and come to a decision you're both happy with.

lollipopsarah

Dare I ask if you have seen your doctor or did you do a home pregnancy test?
Either way may I suggest you make an urgent appt with your doctor to discuss it.
Best wishes and hugs.
xx

neverdespairgirl

peachyprice wrote: »

Evenso, he had the vasectomy knowing he didn't want any more children and OP married him with that knowledge.

For many people (including me) marrying someone knowing neither of you wants more children, and taking all reasonable steps to ensure that, does not mean that if a pregnancy does ensue, an abortion is the next step.

I'm not talking here about anyone else - but I would find it very difficult indeed to abort a healthy fetus even if I'd not wanted to become pregnant.

Of course other people feel differently - that is why the right to choose is so important.

FBaby

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

For many people (including me) marrying someone knowing neither of you wants more children, and taking all reasonable steps to ensure that, does not mean that if a pregnancy does ensue, an abortion is the next step.

I'm not talking here about anyone else - but I would find it very difficult indeed to abort a healthy fetus even if I'd not wanted to become pregnant.

Of course other people feel differently - that is why the right to choose is so important.

I totally agree with this, and I suspect this is the main issue here, she might accept the situation or actually even worse (for him) be happy about it, when he just consider abortion the obvious next step and can't understand that as this pregnancy is a total accident, something they agreed they didn't want, she wouldn't automatically go for this solution that would solve it all. In the end, she is in control, he isn't and that's hard when you believe you've done everything to avoid that exact situation.

In this instance, I would feel for both. Very tough and the only way they can sort it out is trying to understand and respect how the other feels.

Wyre

I feel for you OP. This happened to someone close to me, they very nearly got divorced as the husband refused to accept that it could possibly be his. In the end he only went to the doctor for tests so he could prove his op was still successful. He was wrong, it had reversed itself. Once he accepted this (and one assumes apologised many, many times over) they went on to have a happy, healthy baby.

Please don't let him push you to do something you may regret. There is some time to step back and think and make a decision that is right for you.