Confused and unhappy

Dunroamin

marisco wrote: »

Totally agree with you. When there is no doubt over who the father is in the mothers mind, there should be no issue about having a DNA test done.

Doesnt that imply that no women would ever lie about their fidelity?

burnoutbabe

surely you can't get a DNA test done so early? especially if they don't go ahead with the pregnancy.

The bloke should get a sperm test done anyway, as even if he disbelieves wife's fidelity, as this could happen again in the future with someone else.

marisco_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

Doesnt that imply that no women would ever lie about their fidelity?

No that is not what I implied. It is feasible that as many women lie about their fidelity as men do. If a woman is sleeping with two guys at the same time, she isn't going to be sure who the father of her baby is. If she is 100% sure who the father of her baby is, it is because she is only sleeping with one guy. The latter is more likely to be readily agreeable to doing a DNA test in instances as the OP is going through.

Bennifred

burnoutbabe wrote: »

.....................................
The bloke should get a sperm test done anyway, as even if he disbelieves wife's fidelity, as this could happen again in the future with someone else.

Maybe he's panic stricken at this very moment (being unkind, now:o)

Ck1

We have talked but things are very strained.
He is hardly talking to me or even looking at me.
He said he wants time on his own and does not want another child now.
His final words before storming out again were if I decide to keep it I'm on my own.

Bennifred

I'm so sorry Ck1.

Hopefully he'll come to his senses with more time. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and take some time to think about what you want to happen in the various possible scenarios.

katie1812

Wow, mega shock! Congratulations tho. If he can't trust you then that's his problem, not yours. I mean yeah it's supposed to stop you from getting pregnant but I've read other stories like this so you definitely aren't the first. I know it's a long wait, but could you wait until you can have a test just to prove it to him. I mean you really shouldn't have to and I totally understand how angry you must be, but at least then you could shove it in his face and get him to grovel!

princeofpounds

CK1, is it more about the pregnancy or the trust problem?

Strangely if it's a trust problem I would sympathise with him more than the pregnancy. If you had cheated, that would be your fault, but a pregnancy is very much a shared endeavour!

burnoutbabe

why are people saying congratulations? this doesn't sound like a happy or wanted event for either party.

marisco_2

I am so sorry for all you are facing and going through OP. This must be such a stressful and daunting time for you. It would appear that your husband has not accepted that your pregnancy has resulted from the fact, that a medical procedure that you both placed total faith in has gone wrong. For him to hardly be talking to or able to look at you, and telling you that if you keep the baby you are on your own, suggests to me that he has doubts about being the father. It is as if he is blaming you entirely and taking no personal responsibility for their being a baby on the way.

It is clearly going to take much longer for him to calm down, start to think rationally and to be open to any kind of discussion over this sensitive issue. It will have to happen soon though. At the moment you have choices however hard they may be to face, but that wont be the case for long. In spite of understanding that he is very shocked right now, it is totally uncalled for that he has given you this ultimatum. He cannot truly expect you to make that kind of choice by yourself, when this is a baby you two have created together.

Whatever conclusion you come to over how to move forward here, has to come from a lot of talking it through and reaching agreement together. To handle this any other way would be awful for you and would be so detrimental to the relationship you share with him. My thoughts are with you and I really hope you will be okay.