Confused and unhappy

CustardAndPickles

It must be a terrific shock to both of you. It would be lovely and wonderful if everyone could be just how we need them to be all the time, but sadly we are all only human.

It's sad and unfair that his reaction was to blame you. When he's come back and you've both adjusted to the shock a little, there will need to be some serious conversations (do you want a child? If not, will you look at abortion or adoption? If you do, how does that affect the rest of your life together?), and perhaps his reaction can be one of them. My guess would be he'll feel pretty ashamed of himself when you talk about it.

Dunroamin

Not everybody realises that pregnancy post snip is possible so obviously he'd think the baby was another man's. Hopefully, when you've had tests done he'll be reassured and you can discuss whut you're going to do next.

FBaby

To be fair, you had the chance to wonder about it, decide whether to do a test etc... did you tell him that you were confused because your periods didn't know, that you had niggling feelings etc... how long have you been wondering whether you might be or not?

In his case, he thought life was good, kids growing up, the hardest part behind him, and then suddenly he is face with news that probably frightened him to the core, making him reassess all his life.

It is the shock that made him react and it is understandable. Give him some time, he will calm down, accept the situation and you will be able to talk it through together.

Bennifred

I must admit I'd be heartbroken if my DH didn't believe it was his without a barrage of tests (possibly unreasonable of me ) - I'd want him to have his sperm tested before any DNA testing.

ska_lover

Oh you poor thing CK1 - I really feel for you.


I think your hubby was probably a bit shocked, as undoubtedly you are.

I think when you have got to this stage in life (as I have) where your kids are growing up, you have a little more ME time, and money to do what you always wanted to do - It would be a total shock, and it is a complete change of life style being unwillingly forced on you.

Honestly, if this was me, I could imagine my OH doing the same thing - as in going beserk (whether he assumed I had cheated or not) because we have plans and are setting wheels in motion of how we see things going in the future - and having more children is not part of that plan at all and neither of us would be willing to go down that route again, we want a bit of 'us' time. I would go completely beserk myself.

I really feel for you, I hope you have managed to talk things through this morning and get on an even keel to decide what is best to do hun

They do say though that 'life is what happens while you are busy making other plans' its a very true saying isn't it

flutterby_lil

Has he come back? How are you feeling this morning hon?

claire16c

He needs to grow up and apologise for throwing his tea at you that's disgusting behaviour. Everyone knows its not always 100% effective.

Then you need to sit down together and decide whether you want to continue the pregnancy or not.

flutterby_lil

FBaby wrote: »

To be fair, you had the chance to wonder about it, decide whether to do a test etc... did you tell him that you were confused because your periods didn't know, that you had niggling feelings etc... how long have you been wondering whether you might be or not?

In his case, he thought life was good, kids growing up, the hardest part behind him, and then suddenly he is face with news that probably frightened him to the core, making him reassess all his life.

It is the shock that made him react and it is understandable. Give him some time, he will calm down, accept the situation and you will be able to talk it through together.

It is the shock that made him throw his tea at her and that is understandable? Not to me it isn't. How dare he throw tea, throw anything at anybody, let alone his pregnant wife. Yes he has had a shock, so has she, doesn't warrant his reaction at all!!

Tigsteroonie

As others have said, you're both in shock but handling it in different ways.

I wouldn't write him off for his behaviour yet, give him a couple of days to calm down and process it Yes he shouldn't have reacted this way but hey, who knows how any of us would react to such big life-changing news? Let's give the guy a chance to come good.

marisco_2

Sorry I missed your last post OP. How are you today? I hope the situation has calmed down now. Hopefully today you can talk all of this through properly with your husband and work together through this difficult time.