Confused and unhappy

Molly41

I was in a similar situation with my fourth child. I decided to keep him as i knew that if I had an abortion to please my husband it would be the end of my marriage. My husband got over himself after a few days but I did not let him forget how much he had upset me. My son was born the spitting image of his dad and became the very apple of his dad's eye!

FBaby

The chances of falling pregnant after a vasectomy, many years after it has taken place (much more likely to fail soon after it) when the woman is in her 40s are incredibly rare. It is very possible that hubby had a vasectomy because he really really really didn't want to be a dad again.

The question is, how do you feel about it OP? Have you even discussed whether an abortion could be a possibility? Could he be very angry because that's what he wants but you don't, rather than the fact you've fallen pregnant.

As devils advocate, if he had previously said to you that he didn't want to be a father in any circumstances, hence taking the step of the vasectomy, and that you accepted the situation (ie. wouldn't consider IVF) but now are saying that you would like to keep the baby, he might feel betray by the fact you don't want an abortion. Saying that, that doesn't mean you'd be in the wrong because going for an abortion is a very tough decision, even if you didn't want to fall pregnant in the first place, but I could understand his total distress under that scenario.

Guest101

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

bloody idiot, he needs to grow up

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Divorce/csa/peace, if that's his attitude. Sorry but I take a very hard line with childish men

As far as he's aware it can't be his child... So in his head the OP has cheated. Seems a perfectly reasonable reaction!

Sorry but I take a very hard line with idiots...

claire16c

balletshoes wrote: »

if thats the case (and I'm not doubting for a minute that it is) why do men bother having the snip done at all?

Same as women who take the pill. It's 99.9% effective but there's still 1 woman in 1000 who gets pregnant.

peachyprice

Ck1 wrote: »

We have talked but things are very strained.
He is hardly talking to me or even looking at me.
He said he wants time on his own and does not want another child now.
His final words before storming out again were if I decide to keep it I'm on my own.

That sounds as if it's the pregnancy, not the chance that you cheated that he's upset about.

And to be fair, he had a vasectomy because you as a couple were 100% sure you didn't want any more children, depending on the language you used when you told him, he may now feel you're reneging on that if you made it seem that you want to keep the baby.

building_with_lego

peachyprice wrote: »

That sounds as if it's the pregnancy, not the chance that you cheated that he's upset about.

And to be fair, he had a vasectomy because you as a couple were 100% sure you didn't want any more children, depending on the language you used when you told him, he may now feel you're reneging on that if you made it seem that you want to keep the baby.

He had the snip 15 years ago; they've been married 10 years. He may well have had the op before this relationship began...

peachyprice

building_with_lego wrote: »

He had the snip 15 years ago; they've been married 10 years. He may well have had the op before this relationship began...

Ah, right, sorry, I didn't do the maths.

Evenso, he had the vasectomy knowing he didn't want any more children and OP married him with that knowledge.

claire16c

peachyprice wrote: »

Ah, right, sorry, I didn't do the maths.

Evenso, he had the vasectomy knowing he didn't want any more children and OP married him with that knowledge.

True. But he also slept with her knowing nothing is 100%. It takes two people to make a baby.

peachyprice

claire16c wrote: »

True. But he also slept with her knowing nothing is 100%. It takes two people to make a baby.

I guess anyone who doesn't want any more children should abstain from sex then if they think their partner doesn't really share the same sentiments.

claire16c

peachyprice wrote: »

I guess anyone who doesn't want any more children should abstain from sex then if they think their partner doesn't really share the same sentiments.

No they just need to not throw things, fly off the handle & accuse their partner of an affair if the person gets pregnant. And if their partner wants a baby why would they be with them in the first place? If an accident happens you deal with it maturely in a joint effort. It's part of being in a relationship.