Confused and unhappy

DUTR

moromir wrote: »

Yeh... I'm not sure you actually read Ronaldo's post properly...

"we don't know know exactly what the husband was having for tea at the time. He might have just thrown the crust of what was left of a sandwich in the direction of the OP rather than a whole rack of ribs with all the extras on a big plate. So could the OP please tell us what was for tea at the time first of all."

Are you telling me that post was in any way conductive to helping the OP? It was a thinly veiled attempt to suggest that what happened to her was trivial and isn't a big deal, which is deplorable.

And for the record - it in no way matters whether it was a cup of tea or his food, at all. He threw something at his pregnant spouse.

In a way yes it is, her hubby is not best pleased right now or more so shocked. Being pregnant is not an illness, yes it sort of doesn't matter whether it was a crust of bread or hot oil.
It's not a simple case of he is wrong and she is right, they BOTH need some sort of support. The simple one liner solutions really in affect are little way greater than the offenders response.
Not everyday everybody gets excited over the prospect that the stork is arriving in 30+ weeks, there is all the financial and lifestyle changes asscoitated with that, and in their 40s some would feel they have been there done that, and don't fancy doing it all again.

balletshoes

claire16c wrote: »

How can you not? You often hear about this. Ive even seen it as story lines on tv shows and films. Plus I'm pretty sure they would tell you all the risks and benefits when you have it done, like they do with every operation.

if thats the case (and I'm not doubting for a minute that it is) why do men bother having the snip done at all?

princeofpounds

If the failure rate of vasectomies is 1 in 2000 I'd be willing to bet that most babies born to partners of those men who have had vasectomies do not belong those men. Rather more than 1 in 2000 women have cheated I suspect (not saying that's any worse than men!.

Mind you, if my partner told me it was definitely mine AND offered tests at the earliest opportunity then I think I'd believe them. I'd still take the tests though, and I think it's good of you to offer them.

I think you are going to have to see how he deals with things after the shock. Way too early to judge.

PS all this talk about throwing the tea (dinner? tea?) is a bit of a diversion until we know any more details.

There's a big difference between lobbing boiling hot water in someone's face and sliding a plate with a cheese sandwich off the table and onto the floor in someone's general direction, either of which could have been covered by the OP's language.

neverdespairgirl

I'm pretty sure that Dunroamin meant:

"I don't think most people know that it happens"

not

"it doesn't happen"

marisco_2

DUTR wrote: »

Not everyday everybody gets excited over the prospect that the stork is arriving in 30+ weeks, there is all the financial and lifestyle changes asscoitated with that, and in their 40s some would feel they have been there done that, and don't fancy doing it all again.

I agree with this and can empathise with the OPs partner being extremely shocked on a number of levels, at hearing this news. Firstly it would be unusual for him not to consider if he had been betrayed, I am not suggesting in any way that this is the case here, but it may have crossed his mind for a split moment. Then he would be sent reeling by having to consider that a medical procedure he had placed total trust in had not worked. That must be a really horrible feeling. I think it is also totally normal for him to question and not be overly happy about starting family life all over again at this time in their lives. As you say there are the financial and lifestyle changes to take into account here.

Pregnancy is not an illness, however there is the need to take extra care of yourself, and not to be put into any situation that could cause harm to yourself or the unborn baby. On this occasion the OP didn't get hurt but that was more luck than judgement. Her husbands knee jerk reactions have at the very least caused the OP a great deal of distress, and may have eroded her trust in him somewhat. This situation is very difficult for them both and they need to feel able to trust in each other to deal with this calmly and pull together to decide how they wish to proceed. If effective communication between them breaks down it could have all kinds of implications on their future.

System

I think if I were in that situation, no matter what my husband had said I would insist on having a DNA test to prove so theres no shadow of doubt who the Father was.

Mind you, it probably wouldn't be needed if his semen tested positive for sperm but even then I think i'd insist on a DNA test.

DUTR

Judi wrote: »

I think if I were in that situation, no matter what my husband had said I would insist on having a DNA test to prove so theres no shadow of doubt who the Father was.

Mind you, it probably wouldn't be needed if his semen tested positive for sperm but even then I think i'd insist on a DNA test.

Some don't take kindly to having a DNA test, I know my daughter's Mum had a breakdown hence a long delay in the other party completing their part of the deal.

System

Personally, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd suggest it just in case he had any shadow of doubt.

marisco_2

Judi wrote: »

Personally, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd suggest it just in case he had any shadow of doubt.

Totally agree with you. When there is no doubt over who the father is in the mothers mind, there should be no issue about having a DNA test done.

Dunroamin

Cottage_Economy wrote: »

It is dunroamin. Sometimes the sperm duct can regrow and rejoin its ends (the medical term is recanalisation) and it's not unheard of for some doctors to muck up the procedure. About 1 in 2000 vasectomies are failures.

I wasn't questioning what can actually happen, but people's knowledge of it.