EXTENDED: You've got another week to add your travel & holiday deals questions for expert MSE Oli as part of the latest Ask An Expert event.

Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
86 replies 15.3K views


  • epm-84epm-84 Forumite
    2.7K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    How much would his bus fare be ? I'd ask him for that.

    I mentioned equivalent public transport costs in the post above yours. However, there are also many reasons why asking for the full equivalent public transport cost wouldn't be appropriate under normal circumstances. For instance does she offer a choice of lift times every half-hour which don't have to be pre-booked to offer an equivalent service to the bus or will there be occasions when he has to get the bus home anyway?
  • epm-84epm-84 Forumite
    2.7K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    My partner and I share my car (we both drive). As others have pointed out, there is a lot more to running a car than just petrol. Even HMRC (tax man) considers it costs 45p per mile to run a car, dropping to 25p per mile once you have done more than 10,000 miles.

    The taxman takes in to consideration that if you say to the insurance company you use the car for pleasure and commuting the insurance company charges you less than for pleasure, commuting and business even if you give the same annual number of miles.

    The insurance company doesn't charge you extra for picking up or dropping off an extra passenger on your way to and from work but might if you had to take a diversion to do so and added 1000 miles annually.
  • I don't feel that you are being petty. Driving your bf around is still significantly cheaper and more convenient than public transport for him and you could be doing other things rather than chauffering him. I do think that a balance needs to be struck though, especially if you own the car singly.

    I've had two different arrangements with my partner. One that was in place before we got married (separate incomes) and the other after (shared income). These were mutually agreed.

    Separate incomes - I paid for tax/insurance/maintenance/buying the car and paid for petrol when I was the only person in the car. My partner paid for 100% of the petrol whenever she was in the car at the current cost of fuel at the time (but no other costs). Although this is lower than the 40-45p government rate for wear and tear, it did go some way to offsetting the costs of things I had to pay for a car I ultimately owned.

    Joint incomes - Since we now total our monthly income and split it 50/50, we now each pay 50% of all the tax/insurance/maintenance/petrol. When the car is used to commute to work it's for income that will be split 50/50 anyway and we both have need of the car for social reasons roughly the same amount too. Although I still own the car (bought before we got married from my own money), when it is sold/traded in for a new car the money generated will be income and split 50/50 again with the new car being paid for jointly instead.
  • ptrichardsonptrichardson Forumite
    238 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    There's one school of thought that says "well, you're no worse off, so why should he pay".

    But its very convenient for him to avoid ever having to absorb a similar cost for himself if he has an on-demand dirt-cheap taxi.
    He'd be much worse off if he didn't have the option, and had to use taxis/buses. I'm sure you have better things to do that run around after him?

    You have all the "loss" here, he has all the "benefit".

    The word "petty" is being thrown around quite a lot here. Might not go so far as to agree with that - but the 45p per mile IS the government's "cost of running a car". Perhaps that should be the charge you pass on.
  • Winter_PhoenixWinter_Phoenix Forumite
    286 Posts
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Photogenic
    If he's more-or-less penniless through no fault of his own, and shows you affection, generosity and thoughtfulness in other ways - then continue to give him lifts and let your own kindness and caring shine through the relationship.

    If he's just a mean-spirited individual, then you have several choices - you could put up with it, you could be mean-spirited back, or you could decide that this is not the kind of relationship you want.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!
    e cineribus resurgam
    ("From the ashes I shall arise.")
  • epm-84epm-84 Forumite
    2.7K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Just re-read the original post and think a lot of people are missing a key point. Her boyfriend seems happy to continue with the existing arrangement or to take an alternative method of transport instead but she wants to drive him and get more money than she gets from the existing arrangement, she obviously doesn't want him to take an alternative method of transport instead.

    Another thing to consider is why was she happy with just petrol money up until now but now wants something else in addition? Has something else changed e.g. big increase in insurance price?

    One thing that's unclear is how far does she drive him. If it's a mile or two to his place of work and she's driving in that direction anyway then it really doesn't cost her anything extra and he could always walk or go by bike both for free.
  • I suppose the next thing you will want, is your boyfriend to pay for half the servicing and tyres etc etc. Do you charge everyone you go anywhere with petrol money? Yes you are being petty. The car is yours, he does not own any part of it. I would bet most boyfriends would not dream of taking petrol money off their girlfriends. I wonder if you pay half of every thing you do together.
  • FitzmichaelFitzmichael Forumite
    165 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Is he so good for sex? What else would you want him for if this is the way you feel, or do you have a hard time finding/keeping boyfriends?
  • pb8770pb8770 Forumite
    47 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Going by the question, am I right in thinking you are living together, if so then the bills including car running costs are shared within the household, if he thinks it's your car you pay for it then stop the taxi service, or you could start by saying it's a 50p a mile to cover running costs as you already know running a car isn't cheap. But however if you don't live with him and you both live with your parents why should you have to get up early to take him to work, try treating him to a couple of driving lessons (providing he has a licence) that way he can one day drive himself to work. Always remember to run a car it isn't just go go juice that makes a car legal on the road. Also remember you will always be the taxi when you go for a drink as he has no responsibility, when you go out make sure you have a drink. That can be a good excuse for you when it comes to taking him to work, you can't coz you had a few drinks the night before that'll maybe make him think about taking lessons or using a bus/taxi
  • TigsteroonieTigsteroonie Forumite
    25K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    OP, *why* do you drive him to work? He's said that you don't need to - so if you choose to continue to do so, I feel that most of the financial burden should fall on your shoulders (all bar petrol, to which he should contribute).

    Before Marley got his licence, I'd pick him up from work occasionally. But that was my choice so I didn't ask him to contribute. Now, Marley drives to fetch his brother to visit us, and takes his brother to the supermarket etc. We don't charge him for car costs & petrol, it's something we choose to do as a favour to him.
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Energy Price Cap change

Martin Lewis on what it means for you

MSE News

Best £1 you've ever spent?

Share your most impressive bargains

MSE Forum