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Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?
edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
86 replies 15.3K views
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I mentioned equivalent public transport costs in the post above yours. However, there are also many reasons why asking for the full equivalent public transport cost wouldn't be appropriate under normal circumstances. For instance does she offer a choice of lift times every half-hour which don't have to be pre-booked to offer an equivalent service to the bus or will there be occasions when he has to get the bus home anyway?
The taxman takes in to consideration that if you say to the insurance company you use the car for pleasure and commuting the insurance company charges you less than for pleasure, commuting and business even if you give the same annual number of miles.
The insurance company doesn't charge you extra for picking up or dropping off an extra passenger on your way to and from work but might if you had to take a diversion to do so and added 1000 miles annually.
I've had two different arrangements with my partner. One that was in place before we got married (separate incomes) and the other after (shared income). These were mutually agreed.
Separate incomes - I paid for tax/insurance/maintenance/buying the car and paid for petrol when I was the only person in the car. My partner paid for 100% of the petrol whenever she was in the car at the current cost of fuel at the time (but no other costs). Although this is lower than the 40-45p government rate for wear and tear, it did go some way to offsetting the costs of things I had to pay for a car I ultimately owned.
Joint incomes - Since we now total our monthly income and split it 50/50, we now each pay 50% of all the tax/insurance/maintenance/petrol. When the car is used to commute to work it's for income that will be split 50/50 anyway and we both have need of the car for social reasons roughly the same amount too. Although I still own the car (bought before we got married from my own money), when it is sold/traded in for a new car the money generated will be income and split 50/50 again with the new car being paid for jointly instead.
But its very convenient for him to avoid ever having to absorb a similar cost for himself if he has an on-demand dirt-cheap taxi.
He'd be much worse off if he didn't have the option, and had to use taxis/buses. I'm sure you have better things to do that run around after him?
You have all the "loss" here, he has all the "benefit".
The word "petty" is being thrown around quite a lot here. Might not go so far as to agree with that - but the 45p per mile IS the government's "cost of running a car". Perhaps that should be the charge you pass on.
If he's just a mean-spirited individual, then you have several choices - you could put up with it, you could be mean-spirited back, or you could decide that this is not the kind of relationship you want.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Another thing to consider is why was she happy with just petrol money up until now but now wants something else in addition? Has something else changed e.g. big increase in insurance price?
One thing that's unclear is how far does she drive him. If it's a mile or two to his place of work and she's driving in that direction anyway then it really doesn't cost her anything extra and he could always walk or go by bike both for free.
Before Marley got his licence, I'd pick him up from work occasionally. But that was my choice so I didn't ask him to contribute. Now, Marley drives to fetch his brother to visit us, and takes his brother to the supermarket etc. We don't charge him for car costs & petrol, it's something we choose to do as a favour to him.
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