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Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
86 replies 15.3K views


  • biscuitbobbiscuitbob Forumite
    9 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Like many others I feel this is a bit petty if you are in a serious relationship.

    When my boyfriend and I were first going out (at school) I didn't have a car and didn't earn much, he would drive me wherever I wanted and never aked for a penny.

    Now we're married and living together, I earn much more than him and therefore would be considered to be paying for most of our things. From very early in our relationship we've had one joint account that everything is paid from, and we don't keep track of who buys what or who owes who. Relationships are not about money and I've never understood why long-term, happy couples would have separate finances.

    So if you see a future together I would stop worrying about money, it's not important and it will even out in the long-term.
  • Relationships are a two way thing, but to be honest if you have to rely on others to get to work then he really needs to think about learning to drive, using public transport or getting a job closer to home. I would soon tire of being a permanent taxi service, regardless of whether I was paid petrol money or not.
  • MaatMaat Forumite
    475 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    In driving your boyfriend to work you're incurring other costs apart from fuel and the tax and insurance which, yes, you would pay anyway. There's the wear on the tyres which are incredibly expensive, and there's the wear on the engine which may need repairs doing earlier than if you were the sole user.

    I think it's reasonable to ask your boyfriend to at least make a contribution towards these things. If that comes in the form of a contribution towards the tax or the insurance then that seems fair enough. Certainly he's getting the benefit of a car for work without having to pay any more than the most basic expense.

    I don't think you're being petty at all, I think this is a genuine concern and that your boyfriend needs to know how you feel. Resentment is never good between couples and yours is just going to grow the longer this situation continues.

    Good luck, I hope you can reach an agreement that works for both of you. You're not looking for an outright win for either of you, but a partial win for you both.
  • Hi, the fact you are asking the question would indicate to me YOU know the answer??

    Maybe the real question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of??

    Life is a daring adventure or nothing?

    best wishes :think:
  • Grrrrrr another question with very little info.

    Right here's my penny's worth - how do you two pay for everything in your relationship? Is everything split down the middle or do you each pay your own way for everything ie when you go out for a meal?

    By you giving him a lift to work that means you're probably having to get up earlier?

    I would say by you asking this, it indicates you're not happy in the relationship. Maybe save yourself time and money and find someone new that will make you happier and can drive!
  • Miss149Miss149 Forumite
    63 Posts
    When me & my boyfriend didnt live together, he occasionally used my car but I paid the insurance as he made it cheaper being on my policy as a named driver, he just contributed to the petrol.

    Now we live together, everything is jointly split including the mortgage, bills, shopping & car. I use the car for work & travel 80 miles a day, he gets the train to work. So he pays half of the insurance/MOT cost but doesn't contribute towards petrol at all, I pay for that as he pays for his train ticket. So it works out well for both of us, when we need a new car ill be buying it as I use it most & he'll just pay towards 'his use' for insurance etc. it works for us this way, but might not others. We know we'd need a car whether we used it for work or not, so he knows he has to contribute a little even though its my car, but he shouldn't pay for petrol & a train ticket, so him paying 50% of insurance just means he's covering his legal costs to drive it.
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  • PegasusPJPegasusPJ Forumite
    46 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Do you pay for the gas he cooks your food with when you're at his house? Or the electricity for the TV? Did you even pay some money towards his TV, just on the offchance you might want to sit and watch it at some point?
    but in that scenario, you take turn at each other house so it evens out (or it might be that he's the one coming to her place all the time!)..
    and if they are living together then I expect they share the bills evenly... if a boyfriend was to move into my house, I'd expect him to share the bills equally, like a tenant would (only difference is I wouldn't charge rent).. the fact I have to pay the standing charges regardless does not mean I should pay more.
    So if if they do live together I'd expect him to share the car running cost (he didn't have to pay for the car itself but enjoys the use of it after all).
    If they don't live together, it depends how she feels about driving him to work.. if she enjoys it because they spend more time together, then why charge?.. if it's a chore then tell him to get the bus.
  • tindellatindella Forumite
    103 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Never mind just not giving him a lift - give him the elbow. Ungrateful !!!!!!! It's called emotional blackmail, love. You can do better!
  • If you have to ask the question, he's taking you for a ride. Simple.
  • liz545liz545 Forumite
    1.7K Posts
    Call his bluff. Stop driving him to work for a week. Let him walk, cycle, or get the bus. Then see what happens.
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