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Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

Former_MSE_Debs Posts: 890 Forumite
edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
Money Moral Dilemma: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

I have a car and drive, but my boyfriend doesn't, so I drive him to work and take him shopping. We share petrol costs, but I've asked him to contribute to its tax and insurance. But he says I'd pay for those things anyway and if I want, I can just stop giving him a lift. I'd feel petty doing that, but I feel hard done by as things stand now.

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  • Twiggy_34
    Twiggy_34 Posts: 685 Forumite
    I was in a similar situation a few years back, whereby my boyfriend & I moved in together, I owned a car and he didn't, he needed to drive to work whereas I walked. It made sense to let him use my car and we reached an arrangement whereby he provided his own petrol, and as a kind of thank you I would use his petrol when I needed to use the car for short journeys. He paid the extra cost to have him added to my insurance policy, and he contributed towards additional wear and tear/maintenance entailed because the car did more mileage as a result of his use, E.g. New tyres.

    I covered the full cost of taxing the car, the standalone MOT fee, and whatever the insurance would have cost for just myself, as these were all costs I would have had irrespective of whether he used the car or not.

    Essentially, I only expected him to cover any extra costs incurred as a result of his using the car. I know it was a slightly different scenario, but I think the principle is the same.
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  • geri1965_2
    geri1965_2 Posts: 8,736 Forumite
    Why do you feel hard done by? You'd be paying for those things anyway. I think you are being a bit petty here.
  • Lagoon
    Lagoon Posts: 934 Forumite
    I agree with the users above. OH doesn't drive, so just contributes by occasionally paying for the petrol. I wouldn't expect him to pay for things I'd be paying for anyway.
  • benedictadams
    benedictadams Posts: 927 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    OP, do you live in your boyfriends house and if so do you contribute to his home insurance? He shouldn't pay for your insurance, tax as others have said you'd have to pay the same figure whether you were driving him or not, however I would work out if I was out of pocket in terms of petrol costs (if he is paying more than its costing he was happy with the splitting 50/50)
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  • Smurfette80
    Smurfette80 Posts: 55 Forumite
    You don't sound like a very happy couple so perhaps you could look at your relationship. There should always be give and take and a relationship should not be for profit that would be prostitution!:eek:
  • nikki299
    nikki299 Posts: 75 Forumite
    That is a bit mean to say the least.It is your choice to have a car, and i assume you don't have one purely to drive your boyfriend around. I think if he contributes towards petrol that is enough.
    It must be a pretty sad relationship if you are calculating every penny you think he is costing you.
  • scotsbob
    scotsbob Posts: 4,632 Forumite
    I don't think you should expect your boyfriend to contribute on his own.........you should also be charging family, friends and anyone else you give lifts to.

  • davyuk
    davyuk Posts: 16 Forumite
    I think you would be paying for the insurance and tax and upkeep of the car if you were with him or not.

    If you are doing extra miles just for him then yes you could ask more than the cost of petrol as more miles on the clock will lower the value of the car. But it depends if that amount is significant.
  • chodaboy2005
    How petty. Perhaps you should be contributing towards his life insurance as he is spending valuable hours of his life with you.
  • mr-tom_2
    mr-tom_2 Posts: 131 Forumite
    Despite the number of people saying that this is tight, I'm a little more understanding as I've learned my own difficult lessons about not pouring time and energy into people who just take, but this has the side effect now that it is something I am very alert to.

    I think it is a bigger question than just the car. If in your shared life, there are areas where he does more and areas where you do more, then that's just the way of things, be happy and don't worry about the car. If on the other hand, the most he does anywhere is to grudgingly meet you half way, and he doesn't do that consistently, then maybe it is time to show him the whole picture and ask him to man up.
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