EXTENDED: You've got another week to add your travel & holiday deals questions for expert MSE Oli as part of the latest Ask An Expert event.

Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
86 replies 15.3K views


  • I had the same situation and I had similar thoughts ... it was only because I was thinking I could sell my car because I only used it occasionally that I realised it was more useful to us as a couple than singularly.

    But, if you think about a scenario where you eventually move into his house (or him yours) ... you would ask them to contribute to the mortgage/rent - because cost sharing is one of the benefits of being a couple. And this is something you have been/would pay anyway ... its just a nice benefit of sharing your life with someone - sharing costs.

    So if you live together, I would agree that he help pay the way for the 'household car' ... proportionally to use.
  • stavromuellerstavromueller Forumite
    89 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts
    I am in the same situation - I drive, boyfriend doesn't/can't.

    However the difference is, he insists I always pay for things like insurance, MOT, road tax out of our joint account, as he recognises that whilst it is my car, he gets as much benefit from it as I do, and I am doing him a favour by driving him places (particularly long drives). He says its one way of showing how much he appreciates what I do for him.
    2021 MFW #35: £6000/£6000
  • As others have said, I think the problem here is with your relationship rather than travel expenses. You both sound a right pair of tightwads which does not bode well in the long term.
    'Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.' George Carlin
  • TalentTalent Forumite
    244 Posts
    I can't believe some of the foolish comments concerning this dilemna. Look at it this way.... for every mile your car does for someone else's benefit, that is one mile less the car is available for you. The more it is used, the more wear and tear, it's not just about contributing to fuel. Also, if they use the car without you, you don't know how it is being used? Those that don't have their own transport and are using your goodwill won't be in the queue to pay the repair bills that's for sure, they'll be looking round for some other mug.
  • I have been in this situation before when due to unexpectedly having my car off the road I used my OHs car.

    For all extensive purposes this was her car, she had access to another car and I used her car to get myself to the train station (daily round trip of 30 miles) For the period of time I used her car I covered the extra required to put me on the insurance, I covered all the petrol that I used and whilst I was using it it required new brake pads. This cost I covered as without access to the car I would be scuppered. This was the very least I could do to show much much it was appreciated.

    The cost of fuel should be covered as a minimum and a contribution towards maintenance costs. Regarding the tax, the car is being taxed regardless so it shouldn't be an issue, but further wear on tyres and components due to the extra miles should be considered.

    It will be never be exactly equal when it comes to finances, one may pay the house insurance, one may pay the TV license etc.... that is just relationships, you work to your own situation. I earn more than my OH and cover much more than she does, this I dont grudge, we live within our means and if that means that I pay more then so be it.

    I hope your OH realises and appreciates that you are going out of your way to help him out and that a contribution is the right thing to do.

  • In my experience these questions really about where weare going with this, what kind of relationship are we moving toward,establishing the currency of ourfuture together, how we will resolve the compromises intrinsic in the long-termjoining of two individual lives? Sometimes it helps to think of it as three ofyou having a vote; you, the significant other and the relationship itself. I'mno expert but it seems you may have some bigger questions to answer here thatgo beyond are you being petty or not.
    Good luck and I hope you find answers for now and for the future.

  • SurferSurfer Forumite
    361 Posts
    Your boyfriend is using you! He should be offering and not waiting for you to ask. Dump him as obviously you are not in a happy relationship!
  • anotheruseranotheruser Forumite
    3.5K Posts
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    Are you serious enough to have a joint bank account?

    If so, make sure car things and petrol come out of that.

    Me and my lady friend are serious, but as important we're a traditional couple. "What's mine is yours" and all that, so anything car wise (we each have one) comes out the joint account together with gifts for others, food shopping, clothes, items for the house, bills. We only have our own accounts so we can buy things for each other.
  • annieyanniey Forumite
    11 Posts
    Of course he should pay for more than just the petrol! Cars are expensive and time consuming.
    His response is petty and dismissive. You both need to discuss this more fully.
    Does he contribute more than his fair share in other areas? Is there give and take where money is involved? Stand back and look at the bigger picture, and trust your intsincts.
  • i was in this same predicament several years ago, however me and my now husband agreed that he would pay £50 per month for petrol if we went on a car holiday he would pay for the petrol there and back but i would pay for everything else as I would incur the costs anyway.

    Occassionally he would repay me for a new tyre, an MOT or half towards a service after I have already shelled out the money.

    Now he has learnt to drive and has to foot the money for his car himself he now realises how much cars actually cost to run.
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Energy Price Cap change

Martin Lewis on what it means for you

MSE News

Best £1 you've ever spent?

Share your most impressive bargains

MSE Forum