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Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
86 replies 15.3K views


  • girl_withno_namegirl_withno_name Forumite
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    I think Twiggy has the right idea - the additional costs by giving him lifts to work are petrol and additional wear and tear which you might want him to contribute to.

    My sister was in a situation where she gave her OH lifts but he never offered anything back (even 'trip to the cinema, on me' once in a while)... He claimed to be skint, but was secretly squirrelling away money to go travelling for a year!
    You were only killing time and it'll kill you right back
  • epm-84epm-84 Forumite
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    Mister_Q wrote: »
    Tell your boyfriend to learn to drive. He can pay for a driving license, all the tuition fees, the cost of the tests, buy a car, tax it, insure it and drive to work himself. Then he will not have to contribute toward your car. See how he feels about that.:think::think::think:

    Maybe her boyfriend has a full driving licence but hasn't bought a car?

    How much does her boyfriend currently pay towards petrol compared to the cost of using public transport? Note that offering a lift can actually be less flexible than public transport, for example, if he feels ill at lunchtime and needs to go home that would be covered by a normal public transport season ticket but may not be covered by offering lifts to and from work.
  • Prothet_of_DoomProthet_of_Doom Forumite
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    How much would his bus fare be ? I'd ask him for that.
  • PeteWPeteW Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    What the hell kind of relationship is this? Stop wasting each other's time and get out of it.
  • marichmarich Forumite
    125 Posts
    This is maybe time for you to part company . If it has come to this then there is not much sympathy for each other in either of you . Move on (and get a man with his own wheels) .
  • Well, you can either feel petty or feel hard done by.

    You've created a sort of weird scenario here. You want more money from him, or you want him to do things so that you don't engage in your self-imposed choice to feel bad. He's apparently OK with not being given a lift, so you just need to decide which of the two emotional states you've chosen for yourself is going to be the one you feel. You've put him and yourself in a situation where there's only one way to "win" - he gives you more money. You seem to have ignored the fact that maybe he's not going to be up for that.

    I think it's fair that he gives you money for something that is costing you extra, like petrol. But I don't think it's fair that he gives you money for something that isn't costing you extra at all. If you taxed/insured the car and then didn't drive it ever again, it would still cost you the same amount, unlike petrol usage.

    Do you pay for the gas he cooks your food with when you're at his house? Or the electricity for the TV? Did you even pay some money towards his TV, just on the offchance you might want to sit and watch it at some point?
  • tallgirldtallgirld Forumite
    484 Posts
    Part of the Furniture
    No way should he contribute to tax and insurance for YOUR car.

    There is obviously some issues in your relationship. You might as well just dump him ;-)
  • I think the OP is being petty, my husband doesnt drive, he chips in every blue moon with petrol, i drive places with him and also drive his son around but would never expect him to chip in for insurance etc. I suppose its different for me as we are married so its whats yours is mine etc. If he is paying for petrol then i think its fine. The tax needs paying regardless of how far you drive and unless your drinking 1,000's of extra miles because of your partner i dont think they should chip in for insurance, it needs paying regardless of whether your ferrying yourself around or 5 people. If OP is this tight now i dread to think what they end up like in the future.
  • PatjanPatjan Forumite
    35 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Trow wrote: »
    The additional cost to you isn't insurance and road tax, its depreciation and wear and tear.

    The Inland Revenue allow 45p per mile to take into account the total cost of motoring. Maybe you should use that as a bargaining tool?

    I don't think you are being unreasonable to want him to pay an amount closer to actual costs. And to be honest I'd be wary of someone that tries to avoid paying a fair share. Hopefully that isn't the case generally with him though.

    I quite agree! Petrol costs are not the only consideration - that's why mileage rates are always higher than pure fuel costs. Apart from which, why is the boyfriend being so tight, given that it is your time, etc., running him to his workplace? Given that it's not his capital tied up in the car, he should be grateful that you are prepared to act as his chauffeur.
  • chocaholicmancchocaholicmanc Forumite
    63 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I have been in this situation and for all those people saying she's tight I think you need to ease off a bit! On the face of it it's very easy to say that she shouldn't expect him to pay towards the insurance/tax, etc but we don't know anything else about their relationship. When I was in this situation my OH didn't pay his way in any aspect of our life together so the little things become bigger than they really should be.

    I would agree though that the bigger issue is the actual relationship itself. In my experience you don't worry about things like this when you're happy. If you're not happy then get out now! You'll feel better in the long run and absolutely no man (or woman!) is worth a) being miserable for and b) getting into debt/having no cash left at the end of the month!

    Good luck x
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