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Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?

edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls
86 replies 15.3K views


  • florereflorere Forumite
    104 Posts
    Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship, If he is using the car more than she is then he should be paying most of the costs. There is also the matter of depreciation. Why is she spending her time driving him to work, or is it on her way, can't he drive himself, get named driver insurance? He cannot argue that she should pay for that.:(
  • sponger. using you in more ways than one. If you lived together would he not pay half the rent?

    Have 2 accounts is my answer - one for your "joint" house/car responsibilities which you both pay into equally each month and keep your own account with your wages in. If he doesn't pay, he doesn't play! simples :T
  • It seems from the limited information that the OP gave us that the main issue is the amount of money that her boyfriend pays towards the car. So if the cost of the car is starting to impact the OP to such an extent that she needs to recoup some or consider selling it, then she should discuss this with her boyfriend. If he's reasonable he'll understand the underlying problem. If it's that she feels resentment in having to give him a lift then that's an entirely different matter.

    For those stating that she should ditch him I'd say each relationship is different and it isn't down to a 50/50 split of all finances. It's whatever working method suits each couple.
    Old enough to know better :beer:
  • JDN5JDN5 Forumite
    6 Posts
    Seventh Anniversary Combo Breaker
    He's only paying half the petrol - the skinflint! What about half the tyre wear? You could measure it before and after each journey? And the cost of water for the radiator? the screen wash? the light bulbs? OMG he's taking YOU for a ride here girl!
  • Augustus_the_StrongAugustus_the_Strong Forumite
    321 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    This sounds more 'me' & 'him' than 'us' as a way of thinking. It is probably symptomatic of your relationship, which sounds like it doesn't have much of a long-term future. Best to realise this now, than have him taking advantage of you for life. Find someone with a more generous nature or at least sense of fairness.
  • BonhelBonhel Forumite
    6 Posts
    Mmm sounds like a couple who are still working out the guidelines of being in a relationship long term. My initial reading of the first replies .. Are his friends on this site!! Have the discussion with him, tell him what you think, not us. If you think you are being ripped off tell him. He might believe he is doing a good deal by you, male or female some partners take advantage. Iron it out, it's not a relationship breaker unless u let it fester. I would not settle for the deal u have unless there is some other financial matter that balances it out. Times r tough for many people making their way in life today.
  • sacherloversacherlover Forumite
    86 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    My partner and I share my car (we both drive). As others have pointed out, there is a lot more to running a car than just petrol. Even HMRC (tax man) considers it costs 45p per mile to run a car, dropping to 25p per mile once you have done more than 10,000 miles.

    We split all car related expenses and pay diesel according to the proportion of individual mileage we have done each month and this works for us. However, it still means that I am taking all the cost for depreciation so when the car reaches the end of its life, he says he will buy the next car.

    Another way to look at it is that presumably your boyfriend is saving both time, money and having much greater convenience by having you drive him around. If he is not prepared to contribute looking at what he is saving, that would ring alarm bells for me.

    Does he have any idea what a chauffeur would cost...

    Good luck - having these sort of discussions early on in a relationship is the best way to go - don't let it fester.
  • A few years back me and my boyfriend bought a flat together, he has a different attitude and approach to money than I do. I had amassed the deposit myself while he had nothing to contribute. We had a discussion about how are finances would be split and I disscussed with him a legal document I was advised to get in the event we broke up in order that I get my money back. This worked out fine and he started to save in order that he could contribute to our next home together. As an accountant and with our differing approaches to money we do have separate accounts but also a joint account. We both pay in a set amount a month including a joint amount to save for household expenses and repairs. We put in money for groceries etc as I generally do the shopping as I work next to the supermarket and this works for us.

    On the car issue we both have cars however mine is alot older than his and requires more repair however he does all the long distance driving. When we do long journeys it comes out of our joint account but otherwise we pay for our own cars. After all it is our individual choice to own them. However if you guys live together and have one car whether he can drive or not is irrelevant. If he rarely benefits then maybe work out that he pays less than you do towards it. That said I would work out a figure that the car costs you and decide how much of this you would like him to contribute and sit down and talk about it calmly. By the sounds of his response this may have resulted from a heated discussion and will get you no-where. Discuss the reasons for you wanting the money and his reasons for not paying and come to a compromise if you can. If you cant then maybe this guy isnt for you.
  • Boyfriend would be far better off dumping you. What a cheapskate.

  • JayDJayD Forumite
    668 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    I can understand your frustration but I can also see your boyfriend's point too.

    These things can deteriorate into resentment pretty quickly so you both need to sit down and sort it out - and when you have reached an agreement, stick to it and move on.

    I think you first have to consider if the car is jointly owned or just yours - that seems to be the crux of the matter. Whether your boyfriend can drive or not is irrelevant.

    If he didn't pay half the buying cost and isn't paying half the running costs, then I assume it has to be considered yours. So, as YOUR car, you are responsible for maintaining, taxing and insuring it and he is right to only offer for the petrol used when you are kind enough to give him lifts. He has said that he will accept you refusing to do that and it is your prerogative to do so - and I am sure there will be times when you may have to because of other commitments and times when you will just feel not up to being his taxi service.

    So my advice is to accept his petrol money and to only give him lifts as and when it suits you to do so.
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