Real-life MMD: Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride? 5 July 2013 at 9:49AM edited 9 July 2013 at 4:44PM in MoneySaving polls 86 replies 15.3K views

cazpost

Many years ago 2 mutual friends of mine went out on a date.All went well until the end of the evening when he whipped out his calculator and told her how much petrol money he wanted............
In this question it isn't clear if the couple live together or not. If they are living together then the car,like the house and the groceries should all be accounted for jointly,in my opinion.
However if they are living seperately, you might well view this differently.If she is going out of her way to give him lifts etc what is he doing in return? That might not be financially,is he helping her with DIY in her home or does he do the car maintenance for her? If so that's what we call give and take and she shouldn't moan.On the other hand if she is running round doing everything for him and all she is getting is a few quid for the petrol occasionally then why is she wasting time asking questions here, read him the riot act !

Trow

The additional cost to you isn't insurance and road tax, its depreciation and wear and tear.

The Inland Revenue allow 45p per mile to take into account the total cost of motoring. Maybe you should use that as a bargaining tool?

I don't think you are being unreasonable to want him to pay an amount closer to actual costs. And to be honest I'd be wary of someone that tries to avoid paying a fair share. Hopefully that isn't the case generally with him though.

Ebenezer_Screwj

I am inclined to agree with your boyfriend, you own a car therefore you have to pay for the expenses involved. He is paying for the extra petrol, so you are no worse off.

Holibean

This does come across as a bit tight. But without anyone knowing all your circumstances how can anyone judge. I don't think there is enough detail to properly offer advice.


I hope you can resolve this issue.

ashleyriot

I'm interested in why your boyfriend doesn't drive; if he's learning then that's good and I'd be curious to know if he's going to buy his own car (which I accept is not MoneySaving if you only need the one).

You're not being petty at all: it's the small things that turn into the large things.

Just because you would pay for the tax and insurance regardless of his presence doesn't mean he should not recognise he is having these things for free.

Give him a month of not driving him to work and see how he feels after that.

warehouse

He's your boyfriend, not your son or dad. He pays or he walks. It's not difficult.

gainsboroughgirl

I presume you share more intimate things than a car- why? If you can answer that question honestly, this should give the correct perspective about the car...and possibly more.

Hezzawithkids

Without knowing about your relationship it sounds like this goes deeper. Is it just the car expenses or is there something else going on here? In any relationship talking about money can be fraught with tension but maybe your apparent resentment of this situation has other roots, e.g. do you live together, does one of your earn more money than the other, do you split all the bills or expenses 50/50, is one of you more generous/spontaneous than the other, is one of you thrifty while the other isn't?

Once you re-examine what's really behind your dilemma you may find some answers.

rojanich

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Without knowing about your relationship it sounds like this goes deeper. Is it just the car expenses or is there something else going on here? In any relationship talking about money can be fraught with tension but maybe your apparent resentment of this situation has other roots, e.g. do you live together, does one of your earn more money than the other, do you split all the bills or expenses 50/50, is one of you more generous/spontaneous than the other, is one of you thrifty while the other isn't?

Once you re-examine what's really behind your dilemma you may find some answers.

Spot on.:T

System

Tell your boyfriend to learn to drive. He can pay for a driving license, all the tuition fees, the cost of the tests, buy a car, tax it, insure it and drive to work himself. Then he will not have to contribute toward your car. See how he feels about that.:think::think::think: