Difference in income between partners

fawd1

YoungBusinessman wrote: »

I earn about £27k over what my OH does yet she has larger savings than me!! We go halfs on just about everything. If we are spending alot i might pay for it and she will pay me back in a month or two(not sure why actually now i mention she has larger savings ?! ) Must be a male thing. I doubt it will ever be "ours" as in this world you have to look after no 1. Obviously if health was to go and she really couldnt work it would be ours, otherwise wouldnt risk it....have you seen the divorce rate

Anyone that says "in this world you have to look after no.1" should definitely get a prenup. And not have children.

burnoutbabe

I think as you are just dating and not living together its 50/50 when you go out. Would his mates "sub" him, no they would say we can do something cheap if you can't afford it - stay in with a dvd etc?

You should however holiday and go out to places you can both afford. So if that means nights at the local rather than a posh wine bar so be it.

once you live together, then sure change it if you want, I'd not doing anything different than 50/50 for a boyfriend I don't live with.

johannalf88

We have a one pot approach. DH earns a lot more than me, but I supported him when he was a student. Everything just goes into a joint account and dealt with from there.

Before we lived together we were both students, so roughly the same income. We just split things how we saw it.

CH27

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

We don't live together. We used to but we actually split up for a few months a while back and he moved out.

When we lived together he did a lot of the house work which I really appreciated but sadly I didn't show him that enough.

Pauline I do love him so I am happy to share. He has also said about how it's difficult being 50/50 as I earn more but sometimes I feel a little miffed at that response.

I think I just need to decide if I'm happy to accept that I may always pay more. I think I am ok with this but the thing that's bought it up today is looking to book a holiday.

It's worked out very expensive for the place we want to go to. So we either go somewhere else a lot cheaper or I pay and he can pay me back when he can.

He is clearly telling you he is struggling to keep up with you.
By being miffed you are devaluing his feelings & position. You are being selfish.

Mojisola

Kynthia wrote: »

You already know you will feel different when you are living together and ready to commit to each other for life (whether that involves marriage or not) so don't worry yet.

They've already lived together - presumably paying 50/50 - and he did the bulk of the housework as well.

bitemebankers

Pauline I do love him so I am happy to share. He has also said about how it's difficult being 50/50 as I earn more but sometimes I feel a little miffed at that response.

I think you need to explore why you feel irked by your partner finding it hard to keep up with your spending. In my experience, this is the kind of thing that can eat away at an otherwise hopeful relationship. Personally, I don't think there's any right or wrong in this debate - every couple is different and it number of different ways couples manage their money never ceases to amaze me. The key thing is finding a solution that works for the two of you. It seems your current situation isn't working for either of you.

I could be wrong here, but it sounds like there's some underlying resentment on your part about the income disparity. Perhaps you always envisaged ending up with a partner who earned the same as or more than you? In any case, that's not where you're at now. I think what you need to decide is whether you can really put this behind you and move forward minus the resentment, and if the relationship is worth enough to you to make that commitment. Only you can decide that.

Speaking for myself, I'm currently in a relationship with a women who earns nearly double what I do. On the other side of the coin, I have more savings. But day to day, she makes a significantly greater financial contribution to our lifestyle expenses than I do because she's got it to spend and wants to enjoy doing things with me that I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. It works for us.

chelseablue

I earn £17,000 a year more than my OH does

But my outgoings are higher as I own a property (well, mortgaged so not 100% mine)

He owns sod all

If only he could win the lottery :rotfl::rotfl:

jenni_fer

I earn more than my OH but put less into the joint account each month, we both save pretty much everything that doesnt go in the joint pot.
Reason being, when I eventually take a years maternity, we will be living off his, so try not to rely on mine too much now.
I dont really understand the complicated splitting and sharing once couples are living together / married, far too much hassle when it's all 'ours' anyway.

BodieGirl

I think that if one partner earns significantly more than the other, it can never be fair to split things 50/50. This will inevitably lead to the lower paid partner struggling to "keep up".

My partner works full time and I work part time. He pays for everything - bills, rent, food etc.

My salary is my own - but I do all of the cooking, cleaning, looking after our child, basically everything that needs doing to run our lives. I control the finances but he gives me the money each month to do so.

Works for us.

daisiegg

My husband earns 18 times what I earn (I just worked it out!). When we first started dating I felt very uncomfortable about the disparity in incomes, having previously been a student dating another student, so on a very level playing field. I found it incredibly difficult to let him pay for things and absolutely mortifying when he would insist on, say, giving me money for a taxi as I could only afford the bus and he didn't want me on a bus late at night.

Eventually I realised that although he is obviously hugely generous it also worked for him. He paid for things because if he didn't, we wouldn't be able to do them. He wanted to go out for a nice meal or go to the theatre - and if he wanted me to do that with him then he simply had to pay, because I couldn't.

I always think if there is a huge difference in wages between a couple, and they are determined to split everything 50/50, then they have to live within the means of the lowest earner - NOT live within the means of the highest earner and expect the lower earner to get into debt or cripple themselves to keep up. This seems the only fair way to do it. And if the higher earner doesn't want to live within the means of the lower earner, and still wants to share their life and lifestyle with their partner, then they need to contribute more than 50% - it's as simple as that.

Ever since buying a house together it doesn't seem much of an issue. I still pay him a small amount each month towards the household and I pay a couple of the utility bills and then apart from that he pays for most things. He pays the mortgage, all other bills, holidays, going out, etc. What he doesn't do - which some of my friends seem surprised at, for some reason - is give me money or buy things for me (other than gifts on special occasions etc). So in terms of my personal expenditure (clothes, etc) I am still living within my own limited means. But he pays for everything else. I do still make a point of thanking him all the time - I thank him for paying for things or taking me out, I thank him when he has had a hard day for working so hard to support us. Just like he thanks me for cooking a nice meal or keeping the house clean or being the laundry fairy. We both contribute to our lives and lifestyle, just in different ways.

Anyway, that is my take on it. If you live together and are married or truly partners in a long-term sense, I would expect most things to be pretty much shared. If you are still dating, then you either split everything 50/50 while only doing things that the lower earn can afford, or if you do things the higher earner wants to do but the other one can't afford, you can't expect to go 50/50.