Difference in income between partners

Kayalana99

paulineb wrote: »

The issue you need to address here is the alcohol, not the money. Or the fact that hes not very good with cash full stop. And also, as you said yourself, its his contribution in his wages, by paying more that means you have more left over.

If someone was spending every spare penny they had on cash, Id think there was a problem, not just an alcohol issue, but that's not what happy people do, Id be trying to find out if something was wrong.

It sounds worse then it is because we didn't have that much spare money, he does have a money spending problem.. from when we first got together he used to spend the bills money and I have over a long period managed to make him budget for bills etc by spilting money into another account but he is never going be a saver..his dad brought him up with the motto This is what we go to work for.. (Alchol sky sports etc the little treats of life so to speak)

Alchol is just his hobby...and an expensive one. If it wasn't that he would find something else to spend it on. I just accept him for who he is really and it doesn't bother me as he doesn't get drunk or anything just what he likes to do.

Belive me he is 100 times better with money as to when we first met...but I can't change who he is!

kerri_dfw

My other half has just finished uni and we've been living together for over a year now. Whilst he was at uni we accepted he couldn't afford to live the life I wanted so he contributed what he could towards the bills and then we had £40 each to spend a week on ourselves.
Now that he's working we split the bills 50/50 and manage our own spending money. I'm currently monitoring how successful this is as we need to start to save for a house. I took home £900 more than my OH this month, so with the extra I have used it to pay off some of my credit card and put £500 into savings to pay off some of another credit card. When I've paid off my debts I shall use the extra money I earn to go towards our mortgage.
OH is also going to be contributing towards the deposit for the mortgage, but we know he won't be able to match my contributions until he gets a pay rise. However, this is a joint goal so we just contribute as much as we can afford to without going insane. At no point have I asked him to "pay me back" for the dinners or things that I've bought for us, as that would just get to be ridiculous. I love my OH and want us to have a nice life together, I don't really care who is paying for what.

beckysbobbles1

Thanks for the replies.

It's been interesting reading some of them.

I think being 50/50 in a relationship is important as much as you can. I mean it's a partnership and it should be equal. My OH earns nearly £30kp.a. so it's not like he doesn't earn a good salary.

I obviously earn more but I also have a mortgage to pay, bills etc so my outgoings are more.

I am happy to share with him but equally I need to protect myself a little. If I had started a thread saying how I have been with my OH for about a year and have decided to transfer my investment portfolio into joint names, you'd probably say I'm crazy and should protect myself.

Carl31

If money is such an issue, maybe get with someone that earns the same as you, then you're sorted

Of course, if you love him, I imagine this is not an option, but then I didn't think it would be in the first place

paulineb_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

It sounds worse then it is because we didn't have that much spare money, he does have a money spending problem.. from when we first got together he used to spend the bills money and I have over a long period managed to make him budget for bills etc by spilting money into another account but he is never going be a saver..his dad brought him up with the motto This is what we go to work for.. (Alchol sky sports etc the little treats of life so to speak)

Alchol is just his hobby...and an expensive one. If it wasn't that he would find something else to spend it on. I just accept him for who he is really and it doesn't bother me as he doesn't get drunk or anything just what he likes to do.

Belive me he is 100 times better with money as to when we first met...but I can't change who he is!

I understand. But its not good for his health. And Im not teetotal, but I do try and keep a handle on what I consume alcohol wise, because too much does have health implications. But I do understand that its very easy to lose sight of how much alcohol you are drinking.

And its not just him, its very common, its a UK thing, people like a drink to unwind or few.

The bottom line is, depending on how often and how much hes drinking, its not very good for him. And I do understand that if he wasn't spending it on booze, hed be spending it on something else, but perhaps that would be better all round.

Because its not just about him, its about you and your kids.
And I also understand that you've done your best to get him to help manage your joint finances a bit better and no you cant change him.

But with one kid and another on the way, maybe he should be looking to change, for all your sakes.

mayfair1985

I think it's hard to judge if you don't live together. Specifically regarding the 'big' purchases, like a holiday, you have to make the decision of are you happy to pay and go somewhere lovely? Or do you want to keep it within his budget and go somewhere less expensive. Personally? I'd go nice and pay. As long as it was neither expected nor a regular occurrence.

The way we roll in our house is that I, the girl, am the main wage earner. I earn double what the Mr does. Up until about 2 months into our marriage we split everything 50/50. No one resented it, but it was hard to keep a hold over what was going where and when. And if we wanted to go out for dinner etc, I would usually pay, no bother.

We wanted to start debt busting, and he despises numbers. At that point, about 18 months ago, we decided to become a 'one income/pot' household and see how it went for a while. I have the 'control' of the money and, well, we haven't looked back. I love him dearly, so I'm not fussed that technically my money is not 'my own' anymore. It really works for us. Having said that, I don't think I would have been comfortable doing it had we not been living together. So I would say it's up to you.... but whatever you chose don't force your partner into 'debt' because of your actions as later on down the line you may find that you may have contributed to the financial situation your partner is in.

piglet74

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

It's been interesting reading some of them.

I think being 50/50 in a relationship is important as much as you can. I mean it's a partnership and it should be equal. My OH earns nearly £30kp.a. so it's not like he doesn't earn a good salary.

.

i think if you earn in the region of 65k then it would be ok for you to pay for the whole holiday as a treat for you both,

Lagoon

We split 50/50. Currently we're both on a similar income, but I expect mine to increase quite significantly whilst his won't increase that much. We'll still split 50/50, when that happens.

We keep our money separate. It's not 'OUR' money as a couple. We both have our own money, and we contribute 50/50 towards bills. We can then choose to treat each other. If one of us wants to do something that the other can't afford, then one person can choose to pay for the other or it can wait until we can both afford it.

Any savings would belong to the person that saved them. Accounts are all separate. That works for us. At one point I was earning less than OH and had to really cut back - he kindly purchased me a few things as needed. If/when I end up earning significantly more than him, then I'll be sure to treat him to holidays/meals out etc. As the one earning less it wasn't easy being unable to spend when he could, but I understood that my money was my responsibility and so I didn't mind.

All that said, it may have been easier for us because neither of us have had spare money to spend frivolously or treat ourselves with. I imagine it would have been harder to see him spending money on holidays, expensive days out and gadgets when I couldn't, than to see him go out and buy a new himself a new pair of shoes when mine were broken.

Kayalana99

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

It's been interesting reading some of them.

I think being 50/50 in a relationship is important as much as you can. I mean it's a partnership and it should be equal. My OH earns nearly £30kp.a. so it's not like he doesn't earn a good salary.

I obviously earn more but I also have a mortgage to pay, bills etc so my outgoings are more.

I am happy to share with him but equally I need to protect myself a little. If I had started a thread saying how I have been with my OH for about a year and have decided to transfer my investment portfolio into joint names, you'd probably say I'm crazy and should protect myself.

If it was me wanting to protect my savings, I would just ask my Dad to hold onto it in a savings account in his name.. just a thought. Probally not a good idea to hide money from him but hiding it is really the only way to actally protect it once you've been married a few years...but then what good is having money you can't ever spend? Cause you'd have to admit you have it if time comes that you want to use it for something.

msb5262

I'm interested to note that nobody seems to have suggested that the OP and her partner could organise their money by ratio...if her income is 3 x his income, I would suggest they put money into the joint pot in the ratio of 3:1. Then this money could be spent on holidays etc and it would represent the same proportion of each partner's income. This would also avoid the issue of one partner being able to choose where the holiday will be etc because they're paying more - to me a shared pot of money is the only way.