Difference in income between partners

zzzLazyDaisy

'Equal' does not mean 'the same'

Two people can make an 'equal' contribution to a relationship without the contribution being the same.

For example - in the case of OP and her OH, an 'equal' financial contribution to a holiday would (in my view) be one which impacted on each of them equally. Which clearly would not be the same financial contribution in simple £££'s.

Another example - a husband who earns and a SAHM who takes care of the house and children. In a well balanced relationship, they each make an equal contribution to the relationship. Just because the contribution is not 'the same' in a measurable or financial sense, does not mean they are not 'equal'.

I know of one family where the wife works full time on minimum wage and takes care of the home. The husband is a very high earner - works 6 months of the year, and spends the rest of the time on the golf course, in Costa, or down the pub. His annual income from work is almost 10 times her annual income. He pays the mortgage and bills, and the rest of his money is his. All her wages go on food and clothes for the children, she is always struggling to make her money last through to the end of the month. Yes he does put a lot more money each month into the family 'pot' partly because he has re-mortgaged the house several time to release equity to buy new cars so his mortgage is higher than it would otherwise have been (the house is in his name only). His answer to her struggling to make ends meet, is to go through her budget and show her where she can cut back, and to suggest that she looks for a better job so that she can make a 'fairer contribution' to the household finances.

I accept that is a very extreme example - but she is putting in 100% of her income plus a lot of her energy. He is putting in a much smaller %age of his income and much less in terms of energy. But if you looked at the household expenditure overall, she is still trailing behind on a simple 50/50 financial model.

neverdespairgirl

sulphate wrote: »

This might sound daft, but in these situations I understand where the saying "money is the root of all evil" comes from. It can take over your relationship and become the source of a lot of arguments unless you are level-headed about it.

The saying is actually, "the love of money is the root of all evil" I think.

Chris_Hinds

We split by the ratio of our incomes - everything except car insurance/tax comes out of the joint account. We take the total amount we spend each month on average and work that out as a percentage of our individual salaries, which becomes the standing order to the account for the next year. Thus our overall expenditure is controlled by the amount we put in the joint account. Anything left over is personal savings or to spend on each other as appropriate

bossymoo

Chris_Hinds wrote: »

We split by the ratio of our incomes - everything except car insurance/tax comes out of the joint account. We take the total amount we spend each month on average and work that out as a percentage of our individual salaries, which becomes the standing order to the account for the next year. Thus our overall expenditure is controlled by the amount we put in the joint account. Anything left over is personal savings or to spend on each other as appropriate

We did this. But we were married.

I'm not sure "partner" is the right word tbh. You are in essence boyfriend and girlfriend and your living expenses are separate. So we are just talking socialising here, in which case, if you want 50/50 then you need to go places in his budget. If you want something more costly, and you want his company whilst doing so, then I think you should offer to pay. And not expect to be paid back.

If you do commit to living together in the long run, you need to find a way to manage the money that you are both comfortable with. We used a ratio system, so if the monthly bill total was, say, 60% of our combined income, we both pooled 60% into the joint account. I even included a grocery shopping estimate in there. Yes, I paid more in (until maternity leave came into play) but really, he probably worked harder than I for less pay.

I can honestly say I didn't begrudge a penny. But we had similar values and spending habits, and both liked to save. So it worked well for us. Sometimes I would pay his credit card bill, but then once he paid a parking fine for me without asking :A

And, we agreed all this up front, before living together. Along with whether we wanted to start a family or not and other expectations. All cards on the table, no surprises a couple of years down the line.

Although, what he didn't tell me was what a messy sod he was

katie1812

My husband earns double my wage... For now until I finish my teaching qualification woohoo! Lol.
When we first met I earned and had saved much more than him so I paid for more I'd guess. Was a bit of a risk with someone you've been with for a short period of time but when you're young and dating you just do it lol. Then as the months progressed and he actually used his money wisely, payment was more 50/50. For the last three years since moving in together and now married, we get paid into our joint account, we put x amount of money away into savings and all our bills and expenses come out of one account. So when we go out or buy something, its WE and US.

justme111

Thank you for posting it though.
If you met your so when you were young and both had nought its not that much an issue. If you are getting on with someone later in life on different budgets it can be. I remember seeing a guy who although had decent income due to debt and recent split was squint. I knew it would be difficult , for example I would have.watch my actions when we are out with kids as he would not been able to match my spending on my dd and it would nit have.been fun to fork out for all of them all the time.. it is challenging , was ouseful to read as it made me question myself .. I would definitely try by all means to protect my / your deceased husbands savings from even a chance of being claimed by any future partner.

YoungBusinessman

I earn about £27k over what my OH does yet she has larger savings than me!! We go halfs on just about everything. If we are spending alot i might pay for it and she will pay me back in a month or two(not sure why actually now i mention she has larger savings ?! ) Must be a male thing. I doubt it will ever be "ours" as in this world you have to look after no 1. Obviously if health was to go and she really couldnt work it would be ours, otherwise wouldnt risk it....have you seen the divorce rate

sooty&sweep

Hi

For me a big part of enjoying a holiday is about being able to enjoy it and share those experiences with someone I want to be with.

People bring different things to a relationship and it's not all about money. If you're not careful you could have a selection criteria for your partner that includes how much they earn. Very fair in terms of how to split the bills but not necessarily a recipe for a happy relationship.

I think you need to feel that your partner is contributing what they can genuinely afford so that you don't feel that they are taking advantage but also accept that you can afford to and should contribute more. So that they don't feel that you are pressurizing them into a lifestyle the can't afford.

Jen

Kynthia

I think while you are dating and you are only talking about socialising costs and holidays then you are right to keep things 50:50 the majority of the time. You just need to remember he can't always afford to do as much as you so either you pay occasionally you do less/cheaper things. You already know you will feel different when you are living together and ready to commit to each other for life (whether that involves marriage or not) so don't worry yet. The communication part of your relationship is where you should put your efforts based on your concerns about that being the cause of your previous breakup.

fawd1

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

He has also said about how it's difficult being 50/50 as I earn more but sometimes I feel a little miffed at that response.

Why do you feel miffed at that response? It's true, and honest. If someone is earning substantially more than you, and you split everything 50/50 then of course you're going to feel it more than they do. Is he lazy, does he pull his weight? If not, then frankly, I would consider why your thinking of it as "your" money. I think (and it may just be me) that once you're in a really committed relationship that everything is shared. If my DH turned round to me and said this is "my" money, I would be hugely hurt and upset. At the moment, almost all of the salary comes from him, as I'm a SAHM. However, if he ever brought me up on it, I'd point out that he technically owes me £24k per year childcare (8am-6pm rate for 2 children here), and 12k per year for cleaning and cooking (same). Sooo, almost £162k over the last 4.5 years. He may have earnt the money, but me giving up work has saved us that.