Difference in income between partners

beckysbobbles1

Hi,

I'm really starting to notice the potential 'issues' there are sometimes when it comes to the different amount I earn to my partner.

I earn over £35,000p.a. more than he does. I also have large savings compared to him.

I can be very generous and I always offer to pay for things. We do usually pay 50/50 when we go out for meals, entertainment etc. But I accept that if I want to do something specific like go see a show, ultimately I need to pay for the tickets.

I really don't mind sharing money with him but I'm just wondering if this will always be the same?

Part of me doesn't want to spend too much as we've only been together for about a year and I'm concerned about 'wasting money'.

I honestly think that if we got married then life would be a little easier as the money would be 'ours'. I would want to somehow protect my savings (just in case things didn't work out) although I wouldn't go into marriage thinking of the worse.

But actual monthly money, would be easier to share.

Anyway, I'm rambling but I'm just wondering how many other people (especially women) earn more than their partners and how do they manage it.

Equally it would be good to hear some views from men.

paulineb_2

Do you live together. To be honest, if you pay 50/50 for things, hes paying more compared to what he earns and its easier for you to socialise.

Well, unless he gets a job with massively enhanced pay you should count on things staying as they are.

And if you are someone who likes socialising, then why would you be concerned about wasting money? You dont need to spend a fortune to go out. You can use sites such as living social, groupon and the like and get meals, nights out much cheaper.

And yes, if you got married I believe he might have a claim on your savings but you can take legal advice on this.

Do you actually love him and see yourself spending your life with him?
In an ideal world we would all earn the same, thats not the way it is.

xxlouisexx56

My DP has always earnt more than me. We spilt all our bills 50/50. Sometimes I treat him to dinner and sometimes he treats me. If i can't afford things I tell him and I cut my cloth accordingly.
I think we work well because both of us have the same attitude to money which is quite relaxed. On payday we pay the bills and then think about what needs to be paid for this month. This month for example we are having a week away at the Norfolk coast where his sister lives. We need to keep money aside to have a few days out and treat our kids.
Next month we will need to sort out new glasses for DD1 and school uniform for her.

sulphate

I earn more than my husband currently as he is still at uni. I resent it sometimes, that we can't be 50/50 financially but I supported him in his decision to go (as a mature student) so my feelings are mostly irrational (and admittedly somewhat sexist).

I guess you just have to ask yourself how much it really matters to you and what non-monetary things he brings to the relationship. Just remember that peoples' circumstances change, you could be made redundant or your partner could get another job/a pay rise. Money isn't necessarily permanent. I don't know if you live together, but if you did you could come up with a plan where the amount you put in for joint expenses would be percentage-based. You'd still be putting in more than him, but you might feel a bit more equal that way.

This might sound daft, but in these situations I understand where the saying "money is the root of all evil" comes from. It can take over your relationship and become the source of a lot of arguments unless you are level-headed about it.

beckysbobbles1

Thanks for the replies.

We don't live together. We used to but we actually split up for a few months a while back and he moved out.

When we lived together he did a lot of the house work which I really appreciated but sadly I didn't show him that enough.

Pauline I do love him so I am happy to share. He has also said about how it's difficult being 50/50 as I earn more but sometimes I feel a little miffed at that response.

I think I just need to decide if I'm happy to accept that I may always pay more. I think I am ok with this but the thing that's bought it up today is looking to book a holiday.

It's worked out very expensive for the place we want to go to. So we either go somewhere else a lot cheaper or I pay and he can pay me back when he can.

Alpha58

My wife works part time within the NHS (scandalously low salary for a job that requires a degree and professional registration) and I work ex-pat in what might be termed "challenging" locations so I am paid a lot more than her. My living expenses are low so I keep enough to pay for rent on a little flat, food and flights home. The rest goes into the joint account and my wife looks after the finances - there is no "mine" or "hers", it's all "ours" and pays for mortgage, food, kids, general living expenses. I don't really see any of it and it doesn't bother me, largely as she is infinitely better at managing money than I am!

sweaty_betty

I earn twice as much as my OH. Because I owned the house before we got together I still pay the mortgage, bills, most household expenses. He puts money into the joint account to pay for food, childcare etc.
We do take it in turns to pay when we go out, although that isn't often these days as we would have to factor in babysitting etc. We both have some savings and encourage each other to put savings away each month where possible.
It's really not an issue for us. We're a team, the money is our money regardless of whose name it's in (and if we were to get divorced it would all be potentially split down the middle). We both work 4 days a week so we can spend time with our LO while he's still small. The only time we're aware of the issue is when I went on maternity leave and our income dropped dramatically - but obviously you can plan/budget for that if you're organised.

Rottensocks

I wonder if it might be an interesting and informative experience for you both if you attempted to live for a month on his disposable income? Perhaps you would see why he sometimes says its hard?

Even after 40% tax, it sounds as though you have approximately £1700 more spending power per month than he does, so I can see why he struggles to keep up!

beckysbobbles1

I think the running theme is that people who are married are happier with sharing money, which makes complete sense.

Looks like I need to just get used to it until we ultimately make the big decision to get married.

Maybe if I delay these stupidly expensive holidays, my OH will have a chance to save for a nice engagement ring

fashionlover10

I earn less than my OH but have more disposable income due to debts he ran up prior to us meeting.

We usually split costs of going out/take aways etc depending on whose idea it was or if we go to the cinema one will buy tickets and the other will buy the snacks etc.

OH pays more of the household expenses as he earns more but I bring a lot of other things to the relationship such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, looking after pets etc mainly as I'm at home more often than him.

OH actually resents the fact that I have to pay anything towards the household expenses as he believes it's his job to provide for me.

GoldenShadow

No 50/50 here. My OH earns about £1800 I earn £500 and we currently live with my Mum (I'm a student working part time).

He pays for dinner every time we go out unless its a birthday or something. I used to feel really bad but he tells me its fine because he earns more and would rather take me out for dinner with him than go with friends/on his own or not go at all. He definitely contributes financially to our relationship more, in terms of groceries when its my turn its usually a smaller/cheaper shop than when its his turn (bless him ).

I've been signed off work for a couple weeks and need to tax my car soon. He's offered to do it for me because it will put me in my overdraft and (whilst interest free) because I don't earn a lot it will take me a while to get out of it again. At Christmas and Birthdays I make sure I save well in advance so its not as though I let him down. Takeaways are more in my budget so I probably get most of those (but most of those are my idea, lol!). I sort the dogs out more than he does and do more of the cooking etc, so it balances out a bit.

Hard to explain it really but it works for us