Difference in income between partners

Funky_Bold_Ribena

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

It's been interesting reading some of them.

I think being 50/50 in a relationship is important as much as you can. I mean it's a partnership and it should be equal. My OH earns nearly £30kp.a. so it's not like he doesn't earn a good salary.

I obviously earn more but I also have a mortgage to pay, bills etc so my outgoings are more.

I am happy to share with him but equally I need to protect myself a little. If I had started a thread saying how I have been with my OH for about a year and have decided to transfer my investment portfolio into joint names, you'd probably say I'm crazy and should protect myself.

I have earned more and less than my OH, throughout the whole time what we do is to put money into a joint account at the percentages rate; so when I earnt twice his I put 2/3 in and he out 1/3 in...we always made sure that we put in the bills plus 20% and then when the account had enough, we went on nice hols. - when we could as a couple afford it.

But if he's already moved out...perhaps best to keep everything separate for a fair while.

Rebecca01

We pay on a ratio also. Oh- 100% , me 0 % :-0.

That was when I was a SAHM. Now I have gone back to work, we just put it all in one pot and share it all. I dont think I would like it any other way but everyone is different.

Hope you manage to work it all out.

Person_one

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I think being 50/50 in a relationship is important as much as you can. I mean it's a partnership and it should be equal.

Well, its a lot easier to hold that opinion when you're the one earning more than double what their partner does, rather than the one who earns less than half of what their partner does.

We all bring different things to our relationships, there aren't any that are exactly equal with each contributing 50% of absolutely everything. Why should money be the only area that's strictly regulated? One of you is probably funnier, one is more sociable, one is more physically affectionate, one is more practical, one has a shorter fuse, you'll have different sizes and dynamics with family and friends etc etc.

In the same vein, you have more money. Its unfair to expect him to keep up, and if I were him I'd have made it clear a long time ago that I wasn't going to struggle and overstretch myself in order to do so. It doesn't make sense to completely pool your money and view all 95K of income as 'ours' at the moment, when you aren't living together or married. It does however make sense for you as the much wealthier partner to relax, loosen the purse strings a bit and pay for stuff, because you can, and you love him.

JimmyTheWig

pinkshoes wrote: »

I used to earn the same as my OH, so we paid everything 50/50.

We then had a child, which meant 1 year taking a huge hit on our income due to statutory maternity pay being much lower than my salary.

Since then I've had to change career due to my previous job hours being incompatible with having a child, so I now earn almost HALF what I used to!!

On this basis, I now contribute a third, and my OH pays two thirds. It's only fair to contribute on the ratio of our salaries.

I know everyone is different, but I just can't get my head around this.
I know in some relationships things are even worse where they would split the bills 50:50.

But when one partner has a reduced income to looking after the couple's child I just don't see why that partner should have less spending money than the other.

Alpha58

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

But when one partner has a reduced income to looking after the couple's child I just don't see why that partner should have less spending money than the other.

I'll take that a step further: as already posted, I work outside the UK and my wife is at home with two early teenage children and is working part-time.

My responsibilities
Go to work
Exercise
Sleep
Watch telly
Go out occasionally

Her responsibilities
Go to work
Cook
Washer
Cleaner
Ironer (is that a word?)
Taxi-driver
Stress counsellor (specialising in teenage angst)
Memory expert on behalf of two kids who remember nothing
Private tutor (for two live-in clients)
Financial analyst and advisor
Home manager
And
Attempt to have some sort of social life

Doesn't really add up, does it? Yes, we are slightly unusual in that we are apart for much of the time but how many people recognise the format? If you look at what she would be paid, just on minimum wage, for doing what she does...that's largely why there are no discussions about who contributes what in our house!!

piglet74

Pixiechic wrote: »

Are you sure that he wants this really expensive holiday? Would he be just as happy going somewhere cheaper?

Maybe you want the expensive holiday and expect him to pay half equally. Knowing full well that he doesn't have the same disposable income as you. Sounds like it could have the potential to sometimes be a little humiliating for him.

I think that you either accept that he earns less and compromise on finances or go on holidays/outings that you can both happily afford equally.

Agree!

i would love to have the money to treat my hubby to such a pricey holiday without him havign to pay towards out, but our income wouldnt allow this,

but if i could, i would, and if i earned around 65k i wouldnt have any gripes about doing it,

beckysbobbles1

Yes he does want an expensive holiday as he was the one who suggested Bali. I just don't think he actually realised how expensive it could be.

It will be very different if/when we get married and at that point I will wholly share everything with him. But whilst we are still dating, I think we are just trying to find out feet and decide on what is right for us.

Manchee

My OH and I are going to be moving in very shortly. I earn more than he does, but the way I look at it, I don't work any harder than he does (if anything my job is easier). Wage per hour is not an indicator of how hard you work, not as far as I am concerned. We will be putting all of our money together and splitting what is left after bills (and rainy-day savings and saving for a holiday fund) equally between us. Currently I work more hours than him so he will be picking up more of the house work than me.

We have discussed our financial situation, and I have excel sheets and plans, so we are quite organised. We are a unit, a team, and to me it makes no sense not to share. When I first suggested pooling our resources when we move in, I think he felt a bit bad that I would end up contributing more than him. But the way I see it, although I am the higher wage earner, thats not def always going to be so, when we have children it will affect my earnings. And who knows what will happen in the future.

I also think that pooling resources like this allows me (and us) to have more things. A nicer holiday, a car, savings towards a mortgage deposit. As an individual, I wouldn't be able to have everything I will be able to have as part of a partnership. I think he realises this now, so the difference in wage doesn't bother him, and if it was the other way round it wouldn't bother me either.

paulineb_2

Sometimes things cant be 50:50. Theres no way people can match someone elses spending power if one person earns 35 thousand a year more. And no, 30 000 a year isnt a bad wage but if one person has twice the disposable income than the other person its obviously going to put restrictions on what the person with the lesser income can buy.

I understand what you are meaning when you say when you are married you will share everything, but that could be 5 years away.

Lets put it this way. If I were going out with someone who earned twice as much as me and still wanted me to pay a half share in everything we did at some point something would have to give and Id need to make it very clear that I couldnt keep up.

Id never put myself into debt to keep up with a partner (and Im not saying your partner is doing this).

But I know people who are in a relationship where one person is in work and the other is on benefits and that works fine for them. Because their lifestyle is such that neither of them goes on expensive holidays, meals out where one of them cant pay. They just like spending time together and really I do think if you are dating someone and theres issues with finances at this stage, as I said before you both need to examine your attitudes to cash.

At the moment I earn roughly a fifth of what I did 10 years ago but my life then was miserable in the job I was in. Yes my finances or lack of them could cause me issues if I were seeing someone just now, but I still think you should be able to spend time together and that includes going on holiday without either of you spending a fortune.

If two people really like one another you could sit in the house listening to music with a bottle of wine and some crisps and it wouldnt matter.
I had relationships back in the day when I was a skint student and so was my then bf. We didnt go on holiday, we did have meals out and we did go out and socialise, but we didnt spend a fortune doing it.

You could meet someone who earned the same as you and you might not like them as much, its the chances you take when you are dating.

JimmyTheWig

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

whilst we are still dating

I think you threw us (or me, at least) with the word "partners".
I would say that Manchee (post #60) and her OH were "partners" as they are in it together as a team. That is different to a boyfriend/girlfriend where you would expect to keep your own money to yourself.