Difference in income between partners

Kayalana99

justme111 wrote: »

Ps. As you see him as less of a man you see yourself as failed as well because you have chosen someone who is not that good , does mean you could not fo better - hurtful emotions , thats why you resentful. There is no other explanation to your statement about wasting money I'm going out with him if it does not work. If you were well balanced and self assured you might not seen it all as an issue
I

P.P.S You have based all of this on your own assumptions of a person you don't know and on a few posts she has made.. does not make it a fact at all. Not really sure how you can get such a strong opinion of someone from an online fourm.

Tbh personally I think 99% of this is bull, but thats my opinion.

justme111

Kayalana99 wrote: »

P.P.S You have based all of this on your own assumptions of a person you don't know and on a few posts she has made.. does not make it a fact at all. Not really sure how you can get such a strong opinion of someone from an online fourm.

Tbh personally I think 99% of this is bull, but thats my opinion.

If course it is just speculation
I can speculate that when you grab a pan which happened to be on a hob with a bare hand you will feel pain and probably swear and probably cry. I do not know you nut we human beings are pretty similar in many aspects

zzzLazyDaisy

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I think the running theme is that people who are married are happier with sharing money, which makes complete sense.

Looks like I need to just get used to it until we ultimately make the big decision to get married.

Maybe if I delay these stupidly expensive holidays, my OH will have a chance to save for a nice engagement ring

I suggest that you take a step back and look at the reasons why you split up and he moved out. If you can't live together, and can't agree on finances, thinking of marriage and engagement rings is really putting the cart before the horse, in my view.

beckysbobbles1

msb5262 wrote: »

I'm interested to note that nobody seems to have suggested that the OP and her partner could organise their money by ratio...if her income is 3 x his income, I would suggest they put money into the joint pot in the ratio of 3:1. Then this money could be spent on holidays etc and it would represent the same proportion of each partner's income. This would also avoid the issue of one partner being able to choose where the holiday will be etc because they're paying more - to me a shared pot of money is the only way.

This is a very good idea and I truly hadn't thought about it. Thanks so much!!

beckysbobbles1

Wow I do love how people can form such disjointed opinions.

Ok so for some background. I was married, my husband died a few years ago. I inherited a lot of money (well it seems like a lot to me!!)

I love my boyfriend but yes we did split up briefly but this was more to do with lack of communication than actual love and trust in the relationship.

I only talk about protecting my money in the sense of if things did go horribly wrong, and it would be for no apprant reason as we are very close and have spoken a lot about the future, then I would like to know that I am not going to lose a lot of money overnight.

However, as I said before we are not stupid and would not rush into marriage without things being right. However, people change so you never know.

I only wanted to see how other people deal with the differences in income and I have received some very good advice.

I have spoke with my OH and we have agreed to start budgeting better and if there are any 'big' things that I wish to do, then I will have to pay for it.

And the best bit of all, it was my OH who suggested going to bliming Bali. The silly !!!!!! just didn't realise how expensive it would be.

time2deal

We have a similar problem, and we have just naturally come to a relatively balanced approach. We are both in our 30's, in established careers, it's just that his job pays a silly small amount (as lots of people will do it for free) and mine pays a silly large amount. We both work full time, and this income disparity isn't likely to change in the near future. I don't work harder than him, I just get paid more.

So - to manage this we share social costs (dinner, holidays) but I cover most of the big housing and day to day life costs. Plus I do all the saving, which is important. He doesn't have leftover salary to save with, so it basically all comes from me. We split the monthly shop, but I buy most of the in-between shops, which is the same again as the monthly shop. I tend to pick up all the little extras when we are away, drinks, dinners, parking fees, entrance fees etc etc. It adds up to me paying quite a bit more, but it works naturally.

This allows us to have a similar amount of spending money, which is much more important to us now. No point me having loads of leftover cash, but I can't spend it unless I do things alone! We budget for holidays, but I will push things slightly to get the next upgrade, as I do want to enjoy the money we earn. Last year we split the cost of a long distance holiday, and then I paid the additional to make it business class - it's works for us both.

It's definitely less of a worry now we are married. "I" own the house, and the savings, but in truth it's all "ours" now and even if we break up I would accept that. Life is about more than money.

zzzLazyDaisy

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

This is a very good idea and I truly hadn't thought about it. Thanks so much!!

It is a very good idea, but only if your starting point is net spendable income (ie the amount that each person has left after housing, utility, food, etc etc costs are first taken out of the equation)

pinkshoes

I used to earn the same as my OH, so we paid everything 50/50.

We then had a child, which meant 1 year taking a huge hit on our income due to statutory maternity pay being much lower than my salary.

Since then I've had to change career due to my previous job hours being incompatible with having a child, so I now earn almost HALF what I used to!!

On this basis, I now contribute a third, and my OH pays two thirds. It's only fair to contribute on the ratio of our salaries.

Pee

I earn good money. My OH earns less, a lot less at the moment. I always thought the point of getting a good job and earning good money was so that I could pick a partner on his personal qualities rather than his earning capacity, which is what I have done.

Pixiechic

Are you sure that he wants this really expensive holiday? Would he be just as happy going somewhere cheaper?

Maybe you want the expensive holiday and expect him to pay half equally. Knowing full well that he doesn't have the same disposable income as you. Sounds like it could have the potential to sometimes be a little humiliating for him.

I think that you either accept that he earns less and compromise on finances or go on holidays/outings that you can both happily afford equally.