Difference in income between partners

[Deleted User]

I earn ten times more than my partner currently- he is a mature student and I am 6 years into my post-uni career. Before he went to uni he worked minimum wage type jobs whereas I was graduating and entering a profession so this has always been the case.

We pay half each of the bills, he pays no rent (it's my house and I pay a very small mortgage) and we put into a "joint" account that is actually in my name for groceries, meals out, cinema etc. In this case I put in £48 weekly and he puts in £23. We would both prefer if this was equal but I am happy to chuck in an extra £20 if it means we can eat out when we're both feeling lazy!

I am also of the mindset that if I want to go and do something fun (comedy gig, day out, concert, holiday), I will have to pay for it if it is him that I want to come with me. He used to pay his way more and we kept tabs of when he owed me money for a ticket or something (and this got to be four figures pretty quickly), but now he's at uni and should be entering a better job with good prospects next year (we are lucky to live in the area we do that this is pretty much guaranteed) I pretty much pay for stuff on the understanding that he adopts a sensible attitude to saving his salary/paying off his student loan and we save towards moving or he pays for a couple of holidays or something later on. As he is rubbish and completely uninterested in personal finances he sees this as a win win, he gets to do fun stuff he couldn't afford to do on his own now and in return he gets a chartered accountant managing his finances in the future! Although I do get a bit riled when he applies for his student funding- he gets no grant due to my salary as we live together and I am deemed to make a "contribution", and every year he cheekily asks when I'll be paying him my contribution!!

I am aware that I had I not met him I would be miles miles better off financially (when we kept better tabs on things this was painfully obvious), probably five figures better off. But emotionally/socially? I am far better off for having met him. Sure, we might split up the day he graduates and I may never see him again, but that is the risk I have decided to take. We have been together for ten years this year since we were both teenagers so so far it has worked!

Rottensocks

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Maybe if I delay these stupidly expensive holidays, my OH will have a chance to save for a nice engagement ring

Or maybe you could forget about the material stuff, after all, a ring doesn't signify anything other than spending power.


I earn more than my other half, but then we live together (unmarried). Because I want OH to have enough disposable cash to enjoy life without feeling beholden to me to pay for tickets etc, we split the bills 60:40 in the same ratio as our respective wages.

JimmyTheWig

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I'm really starting to notice the potential 'issues' there are sometimes when it comes to the different amount I earn to my partner.

I think the clue is in the word "partner".
If you are partners, why not pool your resources?

If you are not happy with doing that, why not set up a savings account and pay money into that each month so that what you have left each month matches what he has each month.
Then you'll both be on an even footing.
Don't spend the money in that savings account on yourself while you are in a relationship with this guy.
If you split up then you've still got that money in the pot for yourself.
If things go well and you get married or live as though you are married then the money in the savings account can be for you both to share.

So do the cheap holiday this time. [I think you lending him the money is a terrible idea - if you stay together then this will make the monthly money even less equal (he'll have less as he's paying you back and you'll have more as he's paying you back) and if you split up I can't see you getting the money back.] Put the money I suggested into savings and in a few years time it will pay for the holiday you both want to go on.


[All the above is on the basis that he is working reasonably hard. E.g. he just happens to have a lower paid job than you. If he earns less because he is choosing to only work 8 hours a week then that's a different ball game in which case I would look at it that he earns the same as you but chooses to spend lots of his money each month on allowing himself not to work much. In which case you are free to spend your money on what you want.]

Joons

My gawd, you earn 35 grand a year more than him, in my books you are rich, lucky you, don't see the problem myself esp if you don't live together. I think you should split everything 50/50, he might find it a bit condescending if you are offering to pay all the time?

hezza86

I see this from the other side. (although female myself) my husband earns alot more than me. However we only just got married last year and had lived together for 8 years previous to that.
Now i admit that i hate the fact that i just cant contribute as much to the household bills. Luckily my husband agrees and always has so we dont split everything 50/50 as quite frankly id be in minus by the end of the month (so i see where your boyfriend might be thinking) My husband doesnt grudge it he knows that his career prospects are much higher than mine due to the industry he works in. Mine are not.
He puts a third of his wage into our joint account and a third into savings. Our joint account covers our household bills.(so not really relevant if your not living together) But when we go out socially he mainly pays for it as i dont have much disposible income. occassionally I'll pay (like on sunday i paid for lunch) but i'll be honest its not very often. We talk about it regularly (not in a bad way) and my husband accepts it,he doesnt grudge that i cant he accepts that he earns alot more so he pays. And for holidays he pays for them too. He uses his savings to pay for our holidays. I just cant afford to save enough for our holidays so we have always agreed that he pays the holiday and I save as much as possible for the spending money (which is usually half) I treat him at xmas and birthday time with the little savings i do put away and i appriciate that he does pay for most things. But thats life and thats the way things are.
You maybe just have to accept that if you do earn the bigger wage that it is very difficult for your boyfriend to go 50/50. Try not to resent it and be open about it to each other as its probably hard for him, being in his shoes i dont feel great that i cant just go out and buy concert tickets for me & hubby but Iv accepted it. And if you see a future together you just need to accept that and work with it and not against it and manage your finances how it works between you both (50/50 isnt always the best when your the lower earner)

- just realised I rambled a bit there, apologies for that lol

Mojisola

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I earn over £35,000p.a. more than he does. I also have large savings compared to him.

This is one of those cases where punctuation can change the meaning - Do you mean "I earn over £35,000pa more than he does" = his salary plus £35k, or "I earn over £35,000pa, more than he does" = My salary is £35k which is more than his?

I can be very generous and I always offer to pay for things. We do usually pay 50/50 when we go out for meals, entertainment etc. But I accept that if I want to do something specific like go see a show, ultimately I need to pay for the tickets.

If you earn £35k more than he does, why on earth are you expecting him to pay 50%?

I really don't mind sharing money with him but I'm just wondering if this will always be the same?

If that was true, you wouldn't have started this thread!

Part of me doesn't want to spend too much as we've only been together for about a year and I'm concerned about 'wasting money'.

Going out and having enjoyable times with someone you love is "wasting money"!

I honestly think that if we got married then life would be a little easier as the money would be 'ours'. I would want to somehow protect my savings (just in case things didn't work out) although I wouldn't go into marriage thinking of the worse.

If you got married and the marriage lasted more than a couple of years, you couldn't protect your money.

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

When we lived together he did a lot of the house work which I really appreciated but sadly I didn't show him that enough.

Pauline I do love him so I am happy to share. He has also said about how it's difficult being 50/50 as I earn more but sometimes I feel a little miffed at that response.

It really doesn't sound as if you are!

I think I just need to decide if I'm happy to accept that I may always pay more. I think I am ok with this but the thing that's bought it up today is looking to book a holiday.

It's worked out very expensive for the place we want to go to. So we either go somewhere else a lot cheaper or I pay and he can pay me back when he can.

If you want an expensive holiday, why don't you pay all the costs?

Honestly, if your OH came on with a description of this relationship, I'd be saying get out and find someone who really loves you and isn't measuring your relationship in £s.

Kayalana99

I'm at a loss really, me and my OH live together and have 2 kiddies (if you count the one in my belly )

He pays for all bills and I pay for all food/petrol...his share obvouisly works out alot more but he earns more and I couldn't afford to pay for half.

Thing is, now with tax credits and child benifits I am getting more left over then he is...but I am at a loss as he doesn't save a penny and spends most of it on booze (which I dont mind him drinking but the double edge sword is if I give him more money he will spend it on more alchol lol)

Thing is, I feel bad having more then him... but same time eventually it will go on hoildays, xmas and birthday presents..probally a newer car at some point as I save as much as possible.

But I feel guilty and I am debating whether we should put it all in a joint account and each take half, but I know my half will go on kids and savings and his half will go on alchol...ugh.

paulineb_2

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

We don't live together. We used to but we actually split up for a few months a while back and he moved out.

When we lived together he did a lot of the house work which I really appreciated but sadly I didn't show him that enough.

Pauline I do love him so I am happy to share. He has also said about how it's difficult being 50/50 as I earn more but sometimes I feel a little miffed at that response.

I think I just need to decide if I'm happy to accept that I may always pay more. I think I am ok with this but the thing that's bought it up today is looking to book a holiday.

It's worked out very expensive for the place we want to go to. So we either go somewhere else a lot cheaper or I pay and he can pay me back when he can.

I think perhaps you need to try and compromise a bit so that you don't end up feeling resentful.

A holiday is just a holiday. You can get a 35 quid flight to Spain or similar places with low cost airlines and maybe that's not the way you want to travel if you have the money to go with a better carrier.

But as you said, you either go expensive so he cant pay and you end up feeling resentful or you go cheaper so he can pay his share and a contribution.

Perhaps its your own attitude to spending that needs an overhaul, because as I said earlier you don't need to spend much money to spend time with someone.

Ive never been very well off, I used to earn about 26 grand a year and that's the highest Ive ever earned having worked in a line of work that didn't pay very well, Ive also earned anything from 12 000 a year and up and now its less than that.

So everything I do is on a budget. Its really about having a think about if you can do some things that are within his budget.

And Im sure you would be able to do that easily and still have a good time.

paulineb_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I'm at a loss really, me and my OH live together and have 2 kiddies (if you count the one in my belly )

He pays for all bills and I pay for all food/petrol...his share obvouisly works out alot more but he earns more and I couldn't afford to pay for half.

Thing is, now with tax credits and child benifits I am getting more left over then he is...but I am at a loss as he doesn't save a penny and spends most of it on booze (which I dont mind him drinking but the double edge sword is if I give him more money he will spend it on more alchol lol)

Thing is, I feel bad having more then him... but same time eventually it will go on hoildays, xmas and birthday presents..probally a newer car at some point as I save as much as possible.

But I feel guilty and I am debating whether we should put it all in a joint account and each take half, but I know my half will go on kids and savings and his half will go on alchol...ugh.

The issue you need to address here is the alcohol, not the money. Or the fact that hes not very good with cash full stop. And also, as you said yourself, its his contribution in his wages, by paying more that means you have more left over.

If someone was spending every spare penny they had on cash, Id think there was a problem, not just an alcohol issue, but that's not what happy people do, Id be trying to find out if something was wrong.

Dex

I think you need to find what works for you, personally for me 50/50 for bills when you earn a lot different in wages can lead to resentment as one person may struggle and the other has lots of disposable cash. I like the % route dependant on your wages (this is if you live together). I think while you don't you either do cheaper things or you pay for him, at the end of the day it's your choice, I'd be careful lending him money though (not saying he wouldn't pay it back just that it again could cause resentment). I don't believe there's a right or wrong answer it's all about what works for you as a couple. It sounds like you don't want to use your money paying for you both all the time, which is understandable... it's how you feel. In that case I think you just have to do cheaper things so you can both afford to contribute equally without him having to stretch or borrow money to keep up. just my opinion mind u