Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

Carl31

trevorsminted wrote: »

Ok as the title I do wonder what the hell is the point of having a new born baby and throwing it into full time nursery, and I mean 08-00am - 6pm (once a week 7pm) what is the point of actually having the poor child!?

The "We cant afford not to doesn't cut" sorry downsize, why have a child to let a stranger look after it that amount of time!>!

I agree

I work with people that see being a parent as something they do at the weekend, and talk like its the norm, one recently left to have a baby and talked about giving birth as if it was an inconvenient operation.

You have kids, you make sacrifices IMO. It can be done without child care, plenty of part time work around.



My wife works the hours I don't, some evenings and weekends. Our sacrifice is our time together, but we know its only temporary

My comments are not aimed at single mums there can be a legitimate need where childcare would be essential, more those that in all honesty dont need to work fulltime, but want to have their cake etc...

Lagoon

Carl31 wrote: »

I agree

I work with people that see being a parent as something they do at the weekend, and talk like its the norm, one recently left to have a baby and talked about giving birth as if it was an inconvenient operation.

You have kids, you make sacrifices IMO. It can be done without child care, plenty of part time work around.



My wife works the hours I don't, some evenings and weekends. Our sacrifice is our time together, but we know its only temporary

My comments are not aimed at single mums there can be a legitimate need where childcare would be essential, more those that in all honesty dont need to work fulltime, but want to have their cake etc...

Some people might not be happy spending all day caring for their baby and spending the evenings and weekends working. You might be there for your baby in that case, but with no time to wind down and be yourself are you really being the best for your child?

Different solutions work for different people. There's no official parenting Bible that gives the perfect answers.

barbarawright

I wonder what salary someone in London would need to raise a child on one wage?

Carl31

Lagoon wrote: »

Some people might not be happy spending all day caring for their baby and spending the evenings and weekends working. You might be there for your baby in that case, but with no time to wind down and be yourself are you really being the best for your child?

Different solutions work for different people. There's no official parenting Bible that gives the perfect answers.

But, if having a child puts you into a situation where you're not happy to per sue the lifestyle that comes with it, why do it?

I'm not being cynical, I just struggle with the concept of having a child but not wanting to be a parent, where this applies, again I know the full time child care thing has its place

julie2710

Thanks for editing your comment Carl31 to offer the disclaimer for single parents, I was about to go and bang my head against a wall. :wall:

Although sometimes when I look at the disposable income I have vs what single mums on benefits have I wonder who the mug is but that's another discussion altogether

julie2710

barbarawright wrote: »

I wonder what salary someone in London would need to raise a child on one wage?

I live in the South East and with the cost of housing and childcare it's not cheap!

Bear in mind single parent benefit is capped at £500 per week. That would be about the cost. :eek:

balletshoes

Carl31 wrote: »

I agree

I work with people that see being a parent as something they do at the weekend, and talk like its the norm, one recently left to have a baby and talked about giving birth as if it was an inconvenient operation.

You have kids, you make sacrifices IMO. It can be done without child care, plenty of part time work around.



My wife works the hours I don't, some evenings and weekends. Our sacrifice is our time together, but we know its only temporary

My comments are not aimed at single mums there can be a legitimate need where childcare would be essential, more those that in all honesty dont need to work fulltime, but want to have their cake etc...

how temporary is it Carl?
I have friends, a couple, who decided to do that from the time their first was born, they had no family nearby to help with childcare and they were both on minimum wage jobs. So one works evenings and weekends, one works very early mornings midweek, and between them there is one parent home when the kids are. They have done this for 16 years now (oldest child has left school, youngest is half way through secondary school). Problem is now, because neither of them have looked at progression in that time to keep the status quo at home, they are still on low wages, and now they need to re-train if they want to change things. So they still don't see each other very much, or manage to spend much time as a whole family together.

Its great if families can find the perfect solution for them, but the perfect solution is not going to be the same one for every family. We all just have to do the best we can with the circumstances and resources we have.

Lagoon

Carl31 wrote: »

But, if having a child puts you into a situation where you're not happy to per sue the lifestyle that comes with it, why do it?

I'm not being cynical, I just struggle with the concept of having a child but not wanting to be a parent, where this applies, again I know the full time child care thing has its place

Because having a baby doesn't have to mean giving up all of your own life or individual interests.

I don't think you have to be with your child 24/7 to be a parent, nor do I think that a baby joining the family should mean that other members of that family (the parents) no longer spend time together.

Parenting isn't a jail sentence.

Note: I say this as someone preparing to TTC, who wants to be in a similar situation to the one you're in. I work from home so that when we do start a family, I'll be there to provide the care during the day and will do my work in the evenings and at the weekend. I want to be as involved as possible, but don't think for a second that that's the right approach for everyone, or even an available option.

I have friends who admit that they need time at work to be themselves, and to keep their own sense of identity. I have a friend who does the evening and weekend thing, and is desperately looking for another solution because he's exhausted for work and isn't able to give his all to his child because he's tired and stressed at home as well. I have friends who get away from it all for a couple of hours a week, and find that's enough, and others that crave adult interaction and are great parents despite working full-time, having left their child in good hands. Spending time with people outside the immediate family can be beneficial for a child.

balletshoes

Carl31 wrote: »

But, if having a child puts you into a situation where you're not happy to per sue the lifestyle that comes with it, why do it?

I'm not being cynical, I just struggle with the concept of having a child but not wanting to be a parent,
where this applies, again I know the full time child care thing has its place

I struggle with that concept too - who does that? My child was in full-time childcare from the time she was 5 months old, but I'm a parent first, then I'm me.

onlyroz

trevorsminted wrote: »

Gigglepig - I did not take anytime off work but did permit the missus to take a few years off to let the kids be brought up by people they knew as apposed to strangers,

Really, how big of you. I bet you occasionally let her out the kitchen as well...