Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

mountainofdebt

catkins wrote: »

All the stories of children who are still in nappies when starting school, can't use a knife and fork, don't know any letters or numbers when they start school etc - all parents that don't spend enough time with their children

Just for clarification are you saying that these children were all 'abandoned' by their parents who would rather work or are these children whose parents weren't working and needed a good kick up the backside?

Just for the record a GOOD childcare provider will work with the parents to ensure that the child is - God forbid - well adjusted, polite, well mannered and knows letters and numbers when they start school - just as a decent stay at home parent would.

Can anyone explain to me why we're still humouring this windup merchant anyway ?

alwaysskint96

trevorsminted wrote: »

Gigglepig - I did not take anytime off work but did permit the missus to take a few years off to let the kids be brought up by people they knew as apposed to strangers,/QUOTE]


Do you honmestly think that nursery workers are strangers to kids or parents for long? In fact EVERYONE is a stranger to a newborn baby. And its only recently that maternity leave has been so long- when i had my eldest in 91 it was only 16*t18 weeks- all these kids managed to grow into normal human beings instead of some freaked out beings

ouchy2012

As parents we can never win, if we work and put our babies in childcare people ask why we bothered having them, if we stay home and look after our babies were scroungers who should be out working to pay for our babies.

I feel for the poor parents who are going to miss out on the important baby milestones...first smile, first word etc. which only happens once, I'm sure given the choice they would not choose to work and miss out.

lostinrates

geoffky wrote: »

My wife's friend owns a nursery and the amount of parents who put their child in the nursery during annual holidays they take...
Why have kids if you are going to dump them and not bring them up?

I'm just flicking through this thread but saw this and reading lots of people talking about sacrificing time as a couple and so not changing routine for the child but having a day or two with my partner and getting essential Boring stuff done ( new tyres, mot, stuff like that that saps up so much of annual leave for long hours workers) seems not so heinous.

Carl31

Gigglepig wrote: »

You mean by not being a parent your way. There are many ways of successfully parenting and bringing up children, not just your way.

Like getting someone else to do it?

My way is how I was raised I suppose. All my friends the same, as was my wife. We went without for a few years, didn't have as many luxuries, but then didn't care as we didn't know any better

I know my kids get as much enjoyment from me spending time doing nothing much with them as they would a foreign holiday or whatever. I suppose it depends what's deemed 'essential' for our kids, or ourselves

Each to their own I guess

Abbafan1972

!!!!!!! Another trolly thread!

valk_scot

I was a SAHM and I used to put #1 into nursery a couple of mornings a week once he was two, I used the FA money. It gave me time with #2 alone when he arrived and when he got to be two they both went together and I got the chance to do some adult only things like DIY and sewing. The kids loved it, they were lively kids that liked company and doing new things and the nursery was very laid back, lots of exciting fun stuff going on there. I took them to playgroup and all the rest too, but they never suffered from being "chucked" into nursery two mornings a week even though it wasn't really necessary.

FBaby

Carl31 wrote: »

Like getting someone else to do it?

My way is how I was raised I suppose. All my friends the same, as was my wife. We went without for a few years, didn't have as many luxuries, but then didn't care as we didn't know any better

I know my kids get as much enjoyment from me spending time doing nothing much with them as they would a foreign holiday or whatever. I suppose it depends what's deemed 'essential' for our kids, or ourselves

Each to their own I guess

That's exactly it. It is all about our own experience. I was a very early nursery baby, who did spend a lot of time with childminders whilst my mum work on her career. My kids were in childcare full-time from 9 months and 5 months. Do I feel I was traumatised because of it no? Are my children traumatised by it, they tell me no.

If I hadn't gone back to work, they would have had more of my time but they wouldn't have experienced the amazing times we've had because of things I have been able to afford.

I remember as a kid getting attached to my childminder, and then to people in the breakfast and afterschool I went to. I always had one or two who I really really liked, and probably not surprisingly, was always very much preferred by teachers. That doesn't mean I didn't love my mum or wanted to spend time with her. It's just that my emotional relationship was not exclusive with my mum, probably very similar to large close family where kids are exposed to many aunts and uncles. The key thing is that my mum took a lot of effort to insure that those people having a strong influence on me were providing the best care and I can say that they definitely did.

I have taken that same approach with my kids and I really don't think it makes us any less close. I feel that going to childminders, nurseries and clubs have given them another perspective to life than what I would have been able to offer alone.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with either choice as long as that choice suits the baby/child rather than the parent. I have always told myself that if I thought at anytime that my kids were not happy in the nursery environment and I felt they needed more of my one to one time, I would have changed my life. Working or not, my kids have always been my main priority.

Carl31

FBaby wrote: »

I really don't think there is anything wrong with either choice as long as that choice suits the baby/child rather than the parent..

Interesting comment. How many babies choose things out of free will? Im not sure i have met many that make their own decisions

Also, you ask their children whether they are traumatised? How do they know what the answer is to that question?

But one of the main things you mention, which is usualy the justification for the childcare arguement is affordability. I would imagine most under 5s have little or no concept of money or value, so who is really benefitting from the affordability? And if your kids enjoy childcare, have you ever asked what they prefer? Mummy or childcare? Surely either answer to that question is heartbreaking?

They say mummy, and thats not what you give them

They say childcare, and they tell you they would rather be with someone else other than their own parent?

The whole social thing with childcare is nothing i didnt do as a child with my parents either at home or with parents at child social groups/parent coffee mornings. I just cannot find a convincing argument that doesnt scream to me that the parents would rather have their money and careers than spend those first 5 years raising their childen before they start school. The only years you really get to spend with them fully

paulineb_2

My mum was a single parent and I was in nursery at 2 years of age as she worked full time. I also spent a lot of time with my grandparents. It did me no harm at all.

I dont see why people should have to take a career break if they have kids who can go into nursery and/or extended family who can help look after the kids. Sometimes its not just about money, its about necessities. When my mum had me, there was no child tax credit, no working tax credit, she received the minimum in child support from my dad who had no input into my upbringing, his choice.

My mum had me at 19, while I was at university, I wasnt planned, she got a lot of stick from the hospital, at one point she wasnt even allowed to see me because they thought she was a !!!!less mother who would run off and abandon her baby and at that point I was ill, having been born 3 months early. She finished her degree and worked. She worked reduced hours at one point but the school werent happy about that and had to go back full time.

And given that the childcare provider I went to wasnt empty I dare say there were many more people in my mums position.

We didnt all grow up in families with a mum, dad and 2.4 kids. Im sure my mum wanted her career but she also wanted to be able to pay bills and put food on the table. Plus, given that her working hours were 9-3, I spent enough quality time with her.

Children adapt to the situations they find themselves in. I see people in the housing estate where I live who sit at home and bring up kids and dont care what their kids do or how long they stay out at night, its the quality of the parenting you get that matters as well.