Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

geoffky

Miss_Poohs wrote: »

I work in a local authority nursery, for children aged 3-5. I'd say the majority of the parents at my nursery don't work either through choice, unemployment or other personal/social circumstances; what does shock me is the amount of unemployed parents who come in and ask for extra childcare over and above the gov min, which I think is a completely different story.

Why on earth would you want your child at nursery all day when you don't work?

For those parents with very young babies that have to work full time, I only hope they get to enjoy their children at home, it's a huge sacrifice.

It is a informed choice and not a sacrifice...:cool:

DevilsAdvocate1

trevorsminted wrote: »

Clearing out - I completely get your situation when kids are older and able to walk/talk and go to breakfast club/after school club I am talking about a baby being planned knowing it will be put into 9 hours a day nursery whilst parents work when they could have the option to leave a few years and one (NOT THE MUMMY MAYBE) to take a while off to watch the child, I totally agree some dead beats walk out and mum has to go back to work when it was never part of the plan I am talking about the full time care (unsure of what nursery) being planned before actually pregs!

I think a lot of people plan this before having a baby, but once the baby is actually here they think differently. I know I planned to go back to work when my eldest was 6 weeks old (and had childcare arranged), but once he was born I couldn't tear myself away from him. He was 7 months old in the end when I went back and it really upset me. I gave up work for 3 years when my second was born and then became a registered childminder so I could fit my work around my children.

A good friend of mine was exactly the same. She told me once that she thought having a baby was like having an interesting hobby and that her work would remain just as important (she was a secondary school teacher). She also planned, and had childcare arranged, to go back full time. However, once her daughter was born she decided to go back part time and when her second was born she gave up work altogether.

You might find the same happens with your relative.

DevilsAdvocate1

Gigglepig wrote: »

You said you did not take paternity leave. Your choice was for your wife to stay with them.
You only saw them outside working hours. So why is that not enough if a working mum sees her children outside working hrs? Maybe she's doesn't have the option of offloading all childcare on a stay at home wife...


By the way Catkins, some of the best and brightest in this country have been educated in boarding school...

They might be bright but where are they emotionally? My ex went to boarding school from the age of 7. He may have excellent exam results but he definitely had issues with both women (it was a single sex school) and forming bonds. He has a very poor relationship with his parents and siblings (neither of his brothers went to boarding school).

My husband was a day pupil at a boarding school. I have found many of his school friends very immature. Most have either not married at all or have married very late. They are in their mid 40s now. But yes, they all have excellent, well paid jobs.

Frith

I only read as far as "missus" and "permit".

DevilsAdvocate1 - I have an ex like that too! He had 2 categories for women - they were sluts (plenty of criticism heading their way) or saints (plenty of obsequious, fawning creepiness for them!)

DevilsAdvocate1

julie2710 wrote: »

What's enough time? Some stay at home mums sit their children in front of the TV all day. Is that spending enough time with them?

To be fair, I know loads of stay at homes mums as I was one myself, and this is not a realistic picture of how things work. Toddlers have the attention span of a gnat, if only I could have got them sitting in front of the TV for half an hour!

The reality was that they came to the supermarket when I did the weekly shop and it was natural to name products, to talk about colour and taste. When they were old enough they liked to hand the money over and some level of counting would usually be involved too.

The same with putting the washing on. We would sort the clothes out by colour. And there would be a general conversation about things.

Cooking was something else we often did. My youngest could make himself a bacon sandwich when he was just 3 (under supervision). Was a bit scary when he made one once when everyone else was still in bed :eek:

There is more to life than counting and letters. They need to learn how to do practical things too. And no good starting reception knowing numbers and letters if they have to go back to basics and redo stuff they already know. Can make some children switch off.

My boys are now 15, 12 and 8. They are all doing very well at school, despite everyone telling me that not sending them to nursery would hold them back. They can cook and shop. When they go to university they won't starve!

Miss_Poohs

geoffky wrote: »

It is a informed choice and not a sacrifice...:cool:

Yes but what I mean is - its a lot to work full time with a young family and house to look after, and have a life too.

Informed - doesn't always portray reality.

I take my hat off to parents who work full time, I know I'd never cope with it, that was my personal choice, my chosen career went for a burton when I had my family, and I've never regretted that decision, not for a second.

What I have witnessed on several occasions is a working mum who appears to have it all, good job, great money, fab lifestyle etc dissolve into tears in our office because its all too much.

I'd never judge anyone for their choice - what works for one might not work for another...

balletshoes

DA I think your post illustrates the point more than most, that regardless of what other parents do, or what other parents think is best for their children, we all have different ideas as to what that is. And as long as our children are secure, content, and nurtured, and grow to become respectful functioning members of society, we as parents have helped form that, and will continue to do so, in the various best ways we know how.

julie2710

DevilsAdvocate1 I'm just pointing out that not everyone is the same. Some people who stay at home with their children are great at giving them time and some aren't. Some parents who work are great at spending quality time with their children others aren't.

We do cooking at weekends, they could both put the washing machine on at 3 years of age, sort clothes into colours, make their own beds and tidy their rooms.

Some people don't have the choice. It doesn't make them bad parents because their children spend time in childcare. In fact they quite often over compensate both at home and at work because they feel they need to make it up to the children for not not being able to be around more often. Then as working mums they feel they have to prove they can do the job as well as those without children. Discrimination in the workplace is unfortunately far from dead. Then they get more criticism for apparently "dumping their children in childcare" but if they stay at home on benefits they are scroungers! Seems we live in a world where you just can't win and everyone is there to judge.

Oh and the school DS1 goes to and DS2 will go to soon doesn't make them go back over everything they have already learned. Maybe that's because the preschool is linked to the school?

geoffky

The problem i have is people really think they need all the crap they surround themselves with after being brainwashed into buying it..
People think they must work to have the good things in life when the good thing is staring wondering when mummy will go off to work.
I gave up work at 40 because there was no way i was going to kill myself or have a ten year retirement then drop dead...
People need to stop and think,We only ever get one chance at this life and spending 70% of it away from the important things that matter like family just because you need to maintain a certain standard of wealth when that wealth is a sham...Money can not buy love...And a £200 handbag brings what to your life?

julie2710

........... and if anyone puts having a £200 handbag over spending time with their children then that's a sad thing. If on the other hand they are ensuring that their children have a home, food and clothes (and I'm not talking designer clothes) then it's a harder choice.

If anyone thinks its an easy cop out then I'd happily swap places for a couple of weeks.

I spent the first year back at work running myself ragged to the point where my own GP suggested I give up work and claim benefits.

Unfortunately some people are in situations where the choices for them are more limited. It doesn't make them bad parents, it's just a shame there's so little support and I'm talking about moral support rather than financial.

The life of a lone working parent can be a pretty tough, lonely existence and not one I would imagine many people choosing. Criticism for trying to do the best for your family doesn't make it much easier.