Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

sulkisu

And if you really believe that it's 'each to their own', why bother starting the thread in the first place? Sounds like it was just an opportunity to tell everyone that your salary was sufficient for you to 'permit' your wife (your word) to stay at home with the children.

j.e.j.

Trevorsminted I think by starting a thread like this on this board you are bound to get people's backs up, as there are a lot of mothers on here who work and who are likely to get very defensive if they perceive somebody to be criticizing their parenting skills or insinuating they might be in some way neglecting their child/ren.

valk_scot

trevorsminted wrote: »

I appreciate and totally see that some don't care about strangers caring for their kids for longer hours than they do, changing their nappies, reading to them ,hearing them speak, smile for the first time, fair enough as I said you got to work and cant afford it then its a choice you make, I just wondered what the point was instead of waiting a few years saving up to appreciate fully your newborn baby for the first year and savour every moment, call me old fashioned we went without but the new fashion is "we cant afford not to work" as I have said each to their own!

There's plenty of parents go back to work full time and leave their child in charge of the other parent. By your argument why do these working parents bother to have kids if they're going to miss out on all the important moments? It's even worse if the parent works away from home, my OH was away two weeks out of every four when #3 was born. He didn't see her first steps or her first smile or have the chance to see much of her at all during her first two years so why did he even bother having her? By your argument?

Gigglepig

trevorsminted wrote: »

I am amazed at negative feedback from this site but then appears to be a lot of guilt driven "I needed to" or "some don't have a choice" I get that but they actually do!

Guilt driven? Did you feel guilty about not taking a year off from your job, and leaving the baby with someone else? No? Then why should a woman feel guilty about it? Oh wait, because of people like you judging her?

mountainofdebt

trevorsminted wrote: »

Sulkisu - Completely agree his wife told mine he has insinuated she needs to go back to work full time as he cant afford to look after them both and the child will need to be in full time care, his wife is upset and wanted her first time with her newborn to be special but feels this will not be the case, [B]my wife has told her to take birth control until THEY are in a position for possible part time nursery and mum to spend some quality time with new baby once here (IT/BOY/GIRL) but he wants her pregnant within next 3 months.

I am amazed at negative feedback from this site but then appears to be a lot of guilt driven "I needed to" or "some don't have a choice" I get that but they actually do!

I think you and your wife should butt out of someone else's marriage.

trevorsminted

Mountainofdebt - I completely agree I have actually warned my missus from listening to his wifes drivel anymore and that she should discuss with her husband, my missus has to accept there are some out there that are willing to hand their newborns over to strangers to rear.

And yes I did work approx. 30 hours a week whilst the missus brought up the kids but I provided for them enough in order for no one outwith the family to care for my kids again I appreciate some like to go back to work etc its an individuals choice but our choice when deciding to have kids was to actually see them on a regular basis!

thorsoak

Sorry Trevorsminted, but you are now coming over as a smug, self-satisfied mysogynistic old git! You show no respect to your wife - who is called "the missus" in your posts and smugness just oozes out of your posts - I hope that should adversity smack you around your smug little chops that you learn a little humility.

marisco_2

The right time to return to work after having a baby is a very individual and personal decision. Often dictated by circumstances that cannot always be predicted when you first plan to start a family. What works for one set of parents and their child wont apply to others. So long as the baby is well cared for and loved that is what is most important. I think many parents are harshly judged and criticised far too often for simply trying to do what they consider best for their family unit.

barbarawright

trevorsminted wrote: »

Mountainofdebt - I completely agree I have actually warned my missus from listening to his wifes drivel anymore and that she should discuss with her husband, my missus has to accept there are some out there that are willing to hand their newborns over to strangers to rear.

And yes I did work approx. 30 hours a week whilst the missus brought up the kids but I provided for them enough in order for no one outwith the family to care for my kids again I appreciate some like to go back to work etc its an individuals choice but our choice when deciding to have kids was to actually see them on a regular basis!

Lucky old you. I'm guessing you lived in one of the cheaper parts of the country.

julie2710

trevorsminted wrote: »

Mountainofdebt - I completely agree I have actually warned my missus from listening to his wifes drivel anymore and that she should discuss with her husband, my missus has to accept there are some out there that are willing to hand their newborns over to strangers to rear.

And yes I did work approx. 30 hours a week whilst the missus brought up the kids but I provided for them enough in order for no one outwith the family to care for my kids again I appreciate some like to go back to work etc its an individuals choice but our choice when deciding to have kids was to actually see them on a regular basis!

I have to agree that both you and your wife must consider yourselves extremely lucky to be able to have such a choice to make.

Some people just don't have that luxury. It doesn't mean that given a choice they wouldn't spend every waking moment with their child, they just like to be able to offer their children food, clothes and shelter as part of their upbringing.

I returned to full time work when my son was 18 weeks old. Did I want to? No, not really, but as my ex husband had left me 3 weeks before he was born, I had a 3 year old, a newborn and a £237k mortgage to pay on my own. My ex also decided not to pay any maintenance! He then got rid of his employment so I had no way of getting any money from him either!

Almost five years on and I have two lovely, well mannered, intelligent and polite boys who are extremely sociable and confident.

I particularly resent this part of your comment "but our choice when deciding to have kids was to actually see them on a regular basis".

I have always "seen" my children on a "regular basis." In fact they thrive on routine. The time I spend with them is quality time and the fact that I work and am able to provide for them allows us to do things we may not otherwise be able to do. They will hopefully grow up to realise that the world doesn't owe them a living and that to judge people less fortunate than yourselves or those that make different choices to them is rude and inappropriate. Something that perhaps some grown-ups would benefit from learning