Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

Bluemeanie_2

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I don't think its as clear cut as this. I was in a similar position to you, good job, decent wage etc. In fact, I earnt exactly the same as my husband. I went back to work full time when my eldest was 7 months.

When my second child was born I knew I didn't want to go back, but I arranged everything as though I was going to return. I was used to having my own money and the thought of relying solely on my husband's income worried me. Also, my husband worried about the responsibility of being the sole wage earner. The company I worked for decided to make 200 people redundant while I was on maternity leave and this was the push I needed. I took voluntary redundancy.

I had a plan to return to work when my youngest started school. I decided that I would go back to university and do a masters degree in IT (I was a computer programmer before). I would use the masters to demonstrate to potential employers that my skills were up to date.

In the event, I have ended up forming a whole new career. I am now self employed and work around the school hours. For me, giving up work has helped me find a whole new career which I love. I earn a lot more than I did in my last permanent full time role and I currently only work term time.

I have many friends who went part-time and then as their children have got older they have returned to full-time and continued up the career ladder. It doesn't have to be full-time and career versus part-time and minimum wage.

The worrying thing I now see is that lots of my friends are being made redundant. We are now in our mid 40s with teenagers. A shame the companies they work for are repaying their dedication by getting rid of them. So again, just because you continue with your career there is no guarantee that you will continue to climb the ladder.

I agree it is not clear cut. That's why I don't agree with the OP who has made a sweeping statement about people who have to use childcare. I can't go part time in my current role and find it highly unlikey that I will find a job that pays the same (plus benefits). Also you've kind of assumed that I don't want to return full time. I have no plans to change my career field at this present time. I really like what I do. Although there is no guarantee that I will continue to climb as such, I certainly don't want to take a massive step down! It's great that you know people who have managed to go part time and then carry on up the career ladder, but I can't go part time in my current role, so my only option would be to look for something else unfortunately. Besides I don't actually want to give up work or go part time particularly. I just don't see the OP's need to be so judgemental of people who use full time nursery.

j.e.j.

Bluemeanie wrote: »

I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant. If I was to quit my above job to avoid "chucking my baby into nursey", I feel I would find it very hard to get back to the level management I am, combined with the benefits provided by my employer. I feel I am essentially condemning my life to one on minimum wage or a bloody hard slog all over again to get where I am. Why should I do that. Just because I've chosen to have a child I give up everything I've ever worked hard for and become a slave to the child?

If it's your first child you won't know how you will feel until the baby gets here

But the bit I've put in bold is the bit that stands out to me. You have chosen to have a child. Your post reads like you resent it already!

Bluemeanie_2

j.e.j. wrote: »

If it's your first child you won't know how you will feel until the baby gets here

But the bit I've put in bold is the bit that stands out to me. You have chosen to have a child. Your post reads like you resent it already!

I agree I don't know how I will feel. But what I decide to do will be based on my personal feelings - not about wanting to avoid "chucking a baby into nursery".
Not in the slightest! No resentment at all! I'm very much looking towards baby arriving. I'm not just going to give up everything I've ever worked for to avoid having to use a nursery.

claire16c

Bluemeanie wrote: »

I earn a decent wage for the area we live in (£30851 PA, I net £1815 with student loan), benefit from a 6.5% pension, 29 days a year hols plus bank hols, essential car user allowance, flexi-time, Computershare childcare (think widely known as Busy Bees) scheme etc.
I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant. If I was to quit my above job to avoid "chucking my baby into nursey", I feel I would find it very hard to get back to the level management I am, combined with the benefits provided by my employer. .

I find it interesting you think that because I've known lots of women to have taken a break of 2-3 years to look after a child and then gone back into whatever they were doing before.

I've known other people to take a year off travelling - including myself and gone straight back into well paid jobs.

I don't think just because you take some time out you're someone how suddenly going to end up on minimum wage.

I don't see why it needs to be one extreme or the other.

Person_one

Lets face it, this is just a huge sexist double standard. Its massively annoying and I don't even have children! I do think I'd want them much more if I were a man and wouldn't face the discrimination, scrutiny and pressures women come under when they have babies.

When a man becomes a parent, he might (not all can or do) take two weeks off weeks off work to bond with the newborn and share the parenting. After that he goes back full time, sees the child evenings and weekends, is thought to be a wonderful dad if he shares night feeds, nappy changes and so on at all, never gets questioned about how he juggles work and family, is never expected to be the one who deals with sick kids coming out of school etc. Is never sneeringly called a 'career man', or accused of trying to 'have it all', he never has his priorities questioned or asked why he bothered having children if he was planning to work full time while they were growing up.

A woman becomes a parent, and suddenly everything she does becomes everybody else's business for some reason. Why are you going to work? Why are you not working? Why are you working too many hour? Why are you only working enough hours to claim tax credits? Why are you breastfeeding? Why are you bottle feeding? Why are you weaning now? Why are using a nursery? Why are you using a childminder? Why are you getting free childcare from grandma? Why are you still sending them to nursery on your day off? Why are you feeding your child that? Why are you letting them play with that? Why are you only having one? Why are you having so many? Apparently even buying pyjamas is loaded with meaning if you're a mother!

We need more same sex couples to start raising happy healthy children so that people realise these gender divides are pointless and unhelpful.

Gigglepig

Person one, I whole heartedly agree with you. isn't it ironic that a man who himself did not go on months of paternity leave posted this thread, criticising people and using phrases such as 'not fully appreciating their kids', 'missing all those special moments', and 'not seeing them on a regular basis'.

Claire : For many professionals, several years out of work will mean that your knowledge and possibly your network is out of date. It also seems that women's career progression often slows down after having children.

MarilynMonroe_2

If they could afford it a nanny would be better so the baby was raised at home.

Person_one

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

If they could afford it a nanny would be better so the baby was raised at home.

Perfect example of what I was talking about, thanks!

Person_one

Gigglepig wrote: »

Claire : For many professionals, several years out of work will mean that your knowledge and possibly your network is out of date. It also seems that women's career progression often slows down after having children.

Women without children, on average, earn 95% of what a man earns.

Women with children, on average, earn 72% of what a man earns.

Mens' average salaries are unaffected by whether or not they are parents.

lostinrates

Gigglepig wrote: »

Claire : For many professionals, several years out of work will mean that your knowledge and possibly your network is out of date. It also seems that women's career progression often slows down after having children.

And of course, in a few professions you need to stay in work to remain able to practise in that area in the profession for not more than a certain time period.