Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

pinkladyof66

i am in relatively quite ok paid job hubbie works for himself self employed work is up and down. we adopted a 3 year old nearly 2 years ago. I took adoption leave and with accrued holiday i had one year off. I have gone back part time 24 hours a week but we have struggled. My son starts school in September this year and I plan to do morning drop off every day, work til 5.30 - 6.00 ish with childminder picking up our son monday and tuesday and having him til 5.00 ish hubbie doing wed and thursday and me finishing early on a friday. We have no other choice but to work. I have worked 30 years to get where I am today and no way gonna just jack it in so i can be there every day for my son. He enjoys time spent with others, and I need to go back full time in order to provide him with the bear necessaties. He is well adjusted and tbh is so hard work at times I need to go to work to get a rest.

MarilynMonroe_2

No, all the man usually gets asked is if he'll do nappies and/or any night feeds. Insinuating it is a choice - no one asks the mother if she'll do nappies or night feeds.

j.e.j.

Person_one wrote: »

Oh, is he not going to be a parent too? How odd!

you are funny :rotfl:

Bangton

Something else I wanted to add ...

OP you explicitly say they don't have to put baby in nursery but how do you know? Do you have access to their financial information? Do you know their incomings? Outgoings? I've found that because of my job title and that of my partner, along with the fact I never talk about money or lack of it (it's private) that I must be coasting along fantastically. I'm not (although by no means destitute).

I do like a good debate though and it's been interesting to read that actually the majority of people do respect working mothers so in a way..thank you for starting the thread as I was starting to feel alone in my viewpoint!

bossymoo

catkins wrote: »

All the stories of children who are still in nappies when starting school, can't use a knife and fork, don't know any letters or numbers when they start school etc - all parents that don't spend enough time with their children

Evidence? Just because there is a non-working parent in the household doesn't necessarily mean the child will learn more. Staying at home doesn't guarantee good parenting. Both my children attend private daycare. I am their parent. I have read with them, played with them, taught them life skills. Perhaps working makes me more efficient?

julie2710 wrote: »

One point worth remembering here is that most nurseries don't just charge for the sessions you use. Once your child has got a place at the nursery they charge you for the full year minus bank holidays and most will take off two weeks as holiday time.

Quite. I pay for 51 weeks a year, including bank holidays. We have a family holiday booked next month, but I still have to pay fees to keep the places open. Our only week fee-free is Christmas week. And they are closed anyway!

balletshoes wrote: »

Just because a child is in childcare doesn't mean their parents don't get involved in their social education - I toilet-trained my daughter, nursery didn't, I taught her to sleep through, I taught her table manners, I helped her to love books, I encouraged her to try new things that she showed an interest in etc.

^^^ this
My eldest will start school this year. He has been in nursery since age 11mths (although not full time, I admit, varied from 2-4 days depending on the family circumstances). I'm not just involved in his social education, I have taught him to write (we took his first attempt at writing his name to nursery as he was so excited to show his friends and his key worker), I'm teaching him to tell the time, we are recognising words, he understands numerical structure etc.

There are so many blanket statements on this thread its a bit :eek: scarily some from parents who should know better, and even more scary, from non-parents who think they know better

I stand by my original comment that personally for me 3 months is a little young, but until you've walked in another's shoes, what's the point in judging, it's all speculation.

Have I read that the "parents" referred to in OP are not even parents, or even expecting yet? So it's all chat about what may or may not be, anyway.

Why are we all getting het up about something that hasn't happened?

MarilynMonroe_2

I read in an article that statistically children of poor families do better in nursery than being kept at home, and children of slightly better off older parents who keep them at home do better at home than nursery.

edit cos i am confusing myself!

lostinrates

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

No, all the man usually gets asked is if he'll do nappies and/or any night feeds. Insinuating it is a choice - no one asks the mother if she'll do nappies or night feeds.

My husband's brother is a new father and despite being brought up in a feminist household tried to explain to us as if we were dimwits why his gf was obviously doing nights .....he seemed bemused by my asking if she could express for him to give night feeds. . Only in an idealised fantasy world would the patent onnduty and only that one be fisturbed i guess but you can try and share the burden. However respecting choice also means respecting the choice not to share this sort of parenting, I suppose. If we'd had a baby I cannot imagine I'd be as interested in it at the tiny stage as dh would be. He'd be wanting to do it all.

cherylypop

My mind boggles as to why, all of a sudden people think it's acceptable to voice their opinions when you've got children. I was still sleep deprived at 3 months so glad I didn't return to work then but there were many a day when I would've swapped my day with baby for my husband's day at work so I can understand how someone could go back at that time.

I am lucky enough to go back to work part time but my son is still looked after at nursery form 8.30 til 5.30 to allow me to do this (our family all work to pay bills etc)-he gets to play with different toys, socialise with other children and probably have a more stimulating environment than I often give him at home. e.g. when I put him on the floor with toys so I can do housework so I genuinely think childcare is good for them. I also find when I have been working I really make the most of the few hours I have with him on those days. When I was on maternity leave (9 and a half months) sometimes that time seemed so endless I felt like I didn't want to be at home with him so maybe through working the baby is getting the best of its parents.

If I had gone back to work full time we could have moved into a nicer area with better schools which I would prefer for my son-and it's pretty clear I won't be able to just go back full time when I fancy it so in some ways going back full time you could offer your children the best you can.

I think most parents beat themselves up about stuff enough as it is, they don't really need others casting aspersions on how they should bring up their children.

patanne

The child will not scream for you. Don't leave going back to work until the child is a year old. Children only worry over things that are new to them. If they are used to child care then they do not fret over it. It is just normal. And I agree babies are a bit boring & tedious - much more interesting as they get older. As long as they are fed & changed at regular intervals they really don't care who does it - so don't let ANYONE guilt trip you

DevilsAdvocate1

lostinrates wrote: »

My husband's brother is a new father and despite being brought up in a feminist household tried to explain to us as if we were dimwits why his gf was obviously doing nights .....he seemed bemused by my asking if she could express for him to give night feeds. . Only in an idealised fantasy world would the patent onnduty and only that one be fisturbed i guess but you can try and share the burden. However respecting choice also means respecting the choice not to share this sort of parenting, I suppose. If we'd had a baby I cannot imagine I'd be as interested in it at the tiny stage as dh would be. He'd be wanting to do it all.

Expressing sounds so easy, but the reality is quite different. Its also important when building up the milk supply to do at least one feed in the middle of the night. So there are biological reasons why a breastfeeding mum may prefer to do the night feeds.

But nothing to stop dad taking the baby out during the day or having the baby on an evening so that the mum can catch up on her sleep then.