Bay 3 months chucked into FULL time nursery

Kynthia

j.e.j. wrote: »

well, obviously! Your husband is not the one having the baby!

The thing is, even in this day and age, women's earning capacity is less than men's. And the higher-earning jobs don't tend to allow for part-time hours. So it often makes more financial sense for the woman to stay home and raise the child while the man goes out to work.

What utter twaddle used as an excuse to justify sexism. Girls have been doing better at school and university for years now and the gender pay gap is actually negative for 22-29 year olds, which means on average these child bearing age women earn more. Therefore there is no excuse to put childcare expectations and the intrusive questions on just the expectant mothers. To be fair I think people should in general stop judging parents completely and just butt out. The OP and many of the other posts in this thread disgust me.

lostinrates

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Expressing sounds so easy, but the reality is quite different. Its also important when building up the milk supply to do at least one feed in the middle of the night. So there are biological reasons why a breastfeeding mum may prefer to do the night feeds.

But nothing to stop dad taking the baby out during the day or having the baby on an evening so that the mum can catch up on her sleep then.

I know....my sister lived at home for part of the time with her small baby, but it was worth trying for her, expressing was a breakthrough for her, but I understand it wouldn't be for everyone. The other things we did sometimes were wake and pass the baby...( she didn't cosleep and was having a hard time with just utter exhaustion and possibly pnd, dunno). One of hers was not a sleeper and I have spent many and hour with a tiny creature attached to us because it was how her mother wanted to play it but was to tired to do it herself. Even if you cannot feed there is a lot you can do to help....with the baby, and with a cup of tea ( or what ever) in bed for the mother. It was easy to love a difficult sister and her babies like this, so I hope it would be as easy for a partner and parent!

In this specific situation the mother is working ( had a fortnight off) and the father isn't so is being a great day time dad, and keeping baby around near mum to feed through day at convenient times. So in other ways they really do seem to share the burden well.

i found it amusing though when he said it was impossible for him to work or the mother to have ft job because the baby is a ft job for more than one...as if t his were a revelation... If it were so simple we'd not still be judging other people's choices and justifying own ones.

valk_scot

Bangton wrote: »

already I feel sick at the thought that I might have to leave my child screaming for me when I leave him for that first full day.

Don't do it like that, separation anxiety is very strong at a year old. It's far less at 6-8 months though so it might be a good idea to start easing him into nursery care a lot earlier, say a morning a week from 8 months old. Then you'll both have time to get used to it before you go full time.

They do wail when you hand them over btw, even when they love being there. Give yourself an extra five minutes in the morning so you can hide round the corner and hear the wails switch off after a couple of minutes. My sons always wailed, as did all the other kids. I think they just thought it part of the morning routine. They used to wail when I came to pick them up too because they didn't want to leave.

clearingout

valk_scot wrote: »

My sons always wailed, as did all the other kids. I think they just thought it part of the morning routine. They used to wail when I came to pick them up too because they didn't want to leave.

This made me laugh. It doesn't get any better. If I pick up before 4:30pm (which is rare), I am told off by my 9 year old for arriving too early. If I don't advise him that I will be later than usual (my usual pick up time is just after 5pm) I get told off for being late. Can't win!

pukkamum

The thing with threads like this is that no-one who currently puts baby in nursery or is planning too is suddenly going to change their mind because of the opinions of a stranger especially when it is written in an inflammatory way.

We all have to believe we are doing the best for our children because the alternative is to spend our days questioning every choice we make and feeling guilty for said choice.
There is enough guilt and worry when you have children without strangers on forums forcing us to justify our decisions.

valk_scot

I'm a SAHM and have been for the last decade or more. We live fairly frugally on one salary though we do still manage holidays and treats so I don't feel the kids are exactly deprived except when it comes to £100 trainers. So really, I'm just the kind of mum the OP is saying is best. (Bleaurgh....)

Except of course I get my share of criticism too. I'm a brainless, unambitious blob that spends her days sitting on the sofa watching daytime tv, lazy, a benefits scrounger ( we only get FA), a poor example to my children, too stupid to help them with their homework...err, I'm sure there's more but I'm really only quoting this forum from the last few weeks or so. But stupid, lazy, unambitious, poor role model and quite probably scrounger rather sums up the general attitude towards mothers who choose not to work while their kids are young.

So really, we can't win. Unless of course we work 12 hours at night and then spend 12 daylight hours with our kids? But then of course we'd get criticised for not looking good or the house being a dump or the food we cook not being healthy enough or not paying enough attention to our OHs or.......well, you choose.


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

j.e.j.

Kynthia wrote: »

What utter twaddle used as an excuse to justify sexism. Girls have been doing better at school and university for years now and the gender pay gap is actually negative for 22-29 year olds, which means on average these child bearing age women earn more. Therefore there is no excuse to put childcare expectations and the intrusive questions on just the expectant mothers. To be fair I think people should in general stop judging parents completely and just butt out. The OP and many of the other posts in this thread disgust me.

I'm with you with regard to the intrusive questions. I was once asked by an interviewer, when i was in my late 20s, if I was planning to have a family, because he didn't want someone who'd leave the job meaning he'd then have to train someone else :eek: Outrageous! (and no, I wasn't planning on having a family, but I wasn't going to work for someone like that, his loss..)

But as has been said before, no-one can alter the fact that it is the woman who has to take time off to have the baby. Mother nature didn't make us equal, I'm afraid, and that won't change.

Also, the underlying sentiment on a lot of these defensive posts from the women on here is that staying home to raise your child is some inferior activity, only for the stupid and intellectually incapable. 'Real' women go out to work and (ahem!) "chuck their baby in a nursery". I find it a shame that feminism and so-called womens rights means people are now adopting this attitude.

Remember, the child doesn't ask to be here. You make the choice to have a baby. If having a baby is an inconvenience, simple, don't have a family! No-one forces you to.

Gigglepig

j.e.j. wrote: »

But as has been said before, no-one can alter the fact that it is the woman who has to take time off to have the baby. Mother nature didn't make us equal, I'm afraid, and that won't change.

To some extent yes but women don't necesarily need to take more than a few weeks off. In some countries with higher focus on equality (scandinavia) men take a much larger proportion of the leave, many families split the leave 50-50 between the mum and the dad so they spend sme months home each. Some men take the majorituåy of the leave.

[QUOTE=j.e.j.;62036699 Also, the underlying sentiment on a lot of these defensive posts from the women on here is that staying home to raise your child is some inferior activity, only for the stupid and intellectually incapable. 'Real' women go out to work and (ahem!) "chuck their baby in a nursery". I find it a shame that feminism and so-called womens rights means people are now adopting this attitude.

Remember, the child doesn't ask to be here. You make the choice to have a baby. If having a baby is an inconvenience, simple, don't have a family! No-one forces you to.[/QUOTE]

Who are you to tell what people's sentiments are? Most posters point out that all do not have the same circumstances and personalities and are for CHOICE. It is people like you who don't accept that people do things differently yet are as good as you. It is offensive to insinuate that mothers who put children in nursery see them as an inconvenience. What utter rubbish.

mrsmortenharket

Trevor, you are a male chauvernistic pig.

Up yours.

Frankly.

j.e.j.

Gigglepig wrote: »

Who are you to tell what people's sentiments are? Most posters point out that all do not have the same circumstances and personalities and are for CHOICE. It is people like you who don't accept that people do things differently yet are as good as you. It is offensive to insinuate that mothers who put children in nursery see them as an inconvenience. What utter rubbish.

It would be if I had said that but i haven't. I don't know why you are getting so aggressively defensive, tbh. I presume the thread touches a raw nerve with a lot of the people on here.

I simply said children don't get the choice, mothers do. That is the case.

If everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as you rightly say, why do you object so strongly to someone whose opinion might differ to yours?