Alcohol issues - am i being unreasonable? advice please

neverdespairgirl

gt568 wrote: »

Jeez aren't people allowed to have fun and cut loose once in a while anymore...?

Do you regard drink-driving, and getting arrested on other occasions, as fun?

pukkamum

Errata wrote: »

That may be so in his case, but those who are unable to understand how to drink alcohol never even recognise this point when they reach it.

Oh yes I agree I'm pretty sure pukkadad never even knew that point existed til I told him thats how most people know when to stop.
I know this sounds a bit wierd too but I wondered if the fact that he didn't vomit til the next morning had something to do with it, for a lot of people when they hit the stop point they will be sick or at least feel sick, he never got that.
I don't know really though it's all conjecture no-one knows why some can handle alchohol and some can't.
Oh and here's another theory but I could be totally wrong, he never went through the teenage drinking years, he was a rugby player and golfer when a teen and his mother was very controlling, not allowed out after dark even at 16 etc, so he never did the hanging round the park drinking etc, which I must confess is when I did my out of control drinking, by the time I hit my 20's I knew how to control alchohol without it controlling me. Something I don't think pukkadad ever learnt.

gt568

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Do you regard drink-driving, and getting arrested on other occasions, as fun?

No, and I don't enjoy sanctimonious and holier than thou posters either.

paulineb_2

gt568 wrote: »

No, and I don't enjoy sanctimonious and holier than thou posters either.

What do you think about trolls?

365days

The simplest way to know if you have a problem with alcohol is asking yourself is my drinking causing a problem.

In this case alcohol is clearly causing a problem so therefore HE has a problem with alcohol.

I have been sober for over 3 years. Before that people would tell me I had issues and I should cut down stop. The trouble with that was that the people telling me weren't heavy drinkers. Heavy drinkers didn't think I had any problems and as there are plenty of them about I chose to believe their point of view.


So, you are not being unreasonable. But he will probably think you are.

Get yourself to AL-Anon.

There is also a cutting down / giving up alcohol thread on here in Debt free diaries. If you search for user name Graham Carter he speaks a huge amount of sense.

Good Luck.

As suggested before get yourself to Al-Anon.

paulineb_2

pukkamum wrote: »

Oh yes I agree I'm pretty sure pukkadad never even knew that point existed til I told him thats how most people know when to stop.
I know this sounds a bit wierd too but I wondered if the fact that he didn't vomit til the next morning had something to do with it, for a lot of people when they hit the stop point they will be sick or at least feel sick, he never got that.
I don't know really though it's all conjecture no-one knows why some can handle alchohol and some can't.
Oh and here's another theory but I could be totally wrong, he never went through the teenage drinking years, he was a rugby player and golfer when a teen and his mother was very controlling, not allowed out after dark even at 16 etc, so he never did the hanging round the park drinking etc, which I must confess is when I did my out of control drinking, by the time I hit my 20's I knew how to control alchohol without it controlling me. Something I don't think pukkadad ever learnt.

Although you might think that having rotten hangovers and throwing up down the loo the next morning might be a sign that its time to cut back on the alcohol. Although I would imagine a lot of people live like that every weekend in life and it doesnt stop them from going out and doing the same again the next time.

I wasnt a heavy teenage drinker either, hanging around the park with a bottle never really appealed to me. Going to the pub is a massive part of the UK's social culture as is get it down your neck as fast as you can, other European countries certainly dont have as much of a binge drink problem as we do.

Mojisola

Mrsstupid wrote: »

every single time he goes out something bad happens.

I have emails from him acknowledging his problem and agreeing that I was right and he shouldn't drink as he cannot control it.

I don't think he will ever change, should I just accept that he's going to do this and try not to worry about him?

The other part of me feels like this is such a betrayal because i married him on the condition that he stopped drinking unless he was at home or with me (i have that in an email) so maybe I should divorce him.

The thing that upsets me is that he knows how upset I get about his drinking yet he doesn't care.

I know that he would choose alcohol over me.

I don't know what to do because I can't get him 'help' as he doesn't see this as a problem.

The bits I've picked out from your post say to me that you have given him chance after chance.

He knows he can't control his drinking. He has promised to change but doesn't really see that it is a problem.

He knows how much it upsets you but doesn't care.

I couldn't stay with him. I absolutely would not have a child with him.

365days

paulineb wrote: »

Although you might think that having rotten hangovers and throwing up down the loo the next morning might be a sign that its time to cut back on the alcohol. Although I would imagine a lot of people live like that every weekend in life and it doesnt stop them from going out and doing the same again the next time.

I wasnt a heavy teenage drinker either, hanging around the park with a bottle never really appealed to me. Going to the pub is a massive part of the UK's social culture as is get it down your neck as fast as you can, other European countries certainly dont have as much of a binge drink problem as we do.

And this is the huge danger. There are lots and lots of problem drinkers in the UK. Most are in denial. Because it is so embedded in our culture it can be very hard to see that one has a problem.

It wasn't until I stopped drinking that I released that huge numbers of people don't feel the need to get off their faces regularly.

gt568

paulineb wrote: »

What do you think about trolls?

Not keen on them either, and having a differing opinion that you don't like doesn't make a poster a troll either. Some perspective is often required on this board in particular.

365days

Symptoms of Alcohol Abuse

The main symptom of alcohol abuse occurs when someone continues to drink after their drinking reaches a level that causes recurrent problems. Continuing to drink after it causes someone to miss work, drive drunk, shirk responsibilities or get in trouble with the law is considered alcohol abuse.

Symptoms of Alcoholism

For someone who is alcoholic or alcohol dependent, the symptoms include all of those associated with alcohol abuse (above). But alcoholics also continue to drink in spite of all the problems it has caused in their lives.


Alcoholic is and always will be a very emotive word. There are far, far, far more alcoholics in the UK than most people would like to accept.