Would you date someone with a disabled child?

DKLS

I would have to say personally I dont think I could take on a disabled child, then again I wouldn't date anyone with a child. Children dont feature in my life plan whether mine or someone else's. I have turned down a couple of requests to be a god -parent to relatives as I dont want the responsibility.

I have been there and done the step parent thing for 12yrs and with hindsight it wasn't worth the cost/hassle/grief/work/stress etc and the child in question wasn't disabled.

SingleSue

valk_scot wrote: »

Can I ask where your ex is going to be during all of this? I do hope he's not just scarpered off and left you to deal with your (as in both your) son 24/7? Because if he has this will be partially responsible for your low mood, I would think, as in "If my son's own father doesn't want this relationship..." etc. I hope not though, and you have some sort of shared care worked out?

As to whether I would take on a new partner with a disabled child? I'd be very, very cautious tbh, I've had a child with a difficult illness that consumed all my time and energy and resources and I wouldn't like to step into that again if I had the option not to, to be brutally honest. In the other hand I wouldn't rule it out 100%, it would depend on the person involved. Life is never straight forwards, there's always hidden bends as you no doubt are very aware.

In my case, yes he has! He sees the boys once a year for approx 2 hours, his choice, not mine.

He couldn't deal with the disabilities, either during our marriage or now in divorce.

sillygoose

moromir wrote: »

Hmm I was reading this thread with a lot of interest but its a shame that its degenerated into some people being called "really sad" for their views.

I don't think I could willingly place myself in a position to become a lifelong carer at this point in my life, for a number of reasons.

As an only child, I recognise that at some point, it is likely I will have to provide care for one or both of my parents.

Therefore, this stage in my life is "my time". I can still, at the drop of a hat, do anything I want. Be it mundane like decide I want to have chinese for tea, or go to the cinema, to deciding I'm getting on a plane tomorrow for a long weekend in NYC. I would look for a partner who was in a position to at least be able to consider doing those things.

I also recognise that anything could happen and if something horrific happens tomorrow and my parents or partner need my help now, then I would have to suck it up and get on with it, but I'm also not minded to go into a situation that comes with those issues from the get go.

I don't think its a case of anyone assuming their life should be easy, but I do think other people should respect their life choices that allow them to have a life with less difficulties if they are in a position to choose to do so.

I do have great respect for people that can do it, absolutely. They are obviously very generous.

I do appreciate I may appear selfish in contrast but there is just so much I want to see and accomplish that I actively seek a flexible lifestyle.

I don't think Fluffnutter meant the person was sad for not taking it onboard, I read it that its just sad generally that the person with the disabled child is not even given a chance, who knows it might be the biggest love in history people are missing out on.

I understand and accept your position but its not really relevant here because the op's question is would you date someone with a disabled child...

For your own perfectly explained reasons you wouldn't so you not likely to come across the op (if your male!).

I suspect the op rather than looking for reasons not from people that wouldn't is looking for some reassurance from those that would!!!

Those that wouldn't don't need to justify to anyone, its their choice, but knowing those that would might offer hope to the op that life sure as heck aint over yet!!!!!!!! :T:T:T:T

NAR

jordygal wrote: »

Would this be a huge deal breaker for a man? should I give up before I begin?

Sorry you are feeling low, but very understandable in your current situation. :grouphug:

As a man I'm just not sure whether I could handle it or not. I'd like to think that I could, but the reality is that I just don't know. I would hate to think that I might end up feeling "why am I dealing with someone else's difficult child?"

On the positive side OP you know everyone is different, so there may well be/probably is a man out there for you, but your difficulty is finding him.

Good luck for whatever your future holds.

Calien27

I'm a girl but my initial though was "no I couldn't" thinking about it a little more though, honestly I wouldn't completely reject the idea because I simply don't know.

If I could see a future with the parent then I would try my best to learn about the disability, the care needed etc.

If I couldn't see any possible future with the parent (no spark or chemistry) I would call it quits pretty quickly as to not waste anyone's time.

LannieDuck

Would you date someone with a disabled child?

Yes

tea_lover

I think I would.

janninew

Difficult to say unless your in that position. I'm married with a child so can't see myself being in that position but after reading threads on here just being a step-parent is hard enough, it would be extremely difficult if that child was severely disabled as well and I would admire somebody who would take that role on.

Goodluck for the future op, my daughter has a number of medical problems and I find it a struggle at times with the many appointments and extra worry and I have a husband to share the load so can imagine being on your own would be very hard.

Springbean

No, don't think I would. Sorry, but if that means that I won't have the same opportunities and quality of life that I do now then no. It is a big deal, a big change. If you want honesty and not sugar coated naive answers like 'sure, love conquers all', the reality is something quite different. It doesn't mean that you won't find someone tho and I am just answering the question you have asked honestly.

GBNI

I would like to think I would be the bigger person and say yes I would, but it's a lie. In saying that, I don't want to date anyone with a child at all. Regardless of whether the child was disabled or not.

(I'm a female if that makes a difference!) .

I hope you can find someone who can make you happy OP.