Would you date someone with a disabled child?

jordygal

Basically, I am getting divorced from my husband and just feel quite low, that I will spend my life alone. I have a severely disabled son who I love to bits,but is very hard work and his behaviour puts a lot of limits on how I can live my life. eg noise levels in the house are loud and stressful, can't go out for lunches, holidays etc. His diagnosis means he is not going to improve, and as he grows up he will always remain like a toddler mentally. Would this be a huge deal breaker for a man? should I give up before I begin?

MarilynMonroe_2

Hi, I'm not a man but it wouldnt put the right man off!
I'd date a man in your situation if that helps.

Giraffodill

I agree with Marilyn; any man that's worth having around would accept you as a full package. I am by no means in the exact same situation as you, but I do have a chronic pain condition which has heavily impacted my daily life- and my now husband wasn't put off even though it can be very difficult for him sometimes.

I'm sure you will find the perfect man to join your family, and the perfect man will love your son as much as you do

meritaten

jeez - you are writing yourself off then? Hun, we do not know what lies ahead, we don't know who we may meet. there are many people out there without baggage who never meet the right person - and there are many who do.

zaksmum

Having seen first hand the difficulties of raising a disabled child...no, I wouldn't date someone who had a disabled child.

Having a disabled child is very very tough. We have a severely disabled child in our family and it's a nightmare. he is completely unable to do anything for himself and is 22 now. His mum and dad have never had a family holiday, never been able to fully attend to the needs of their other kids, all of whom had a statement of special needs.

Our child has wrecked the house, will never speak and will always be in nappies even though he's now 22 and well over 20 stone. he has a mental age of about 9 months.

If he's your own child, that's ok, you can cope.

But I certainly wouldn't go looking for all the heartache such a child brings to the family, that's for sure.

jordygal

zaksmum wrote: »

Having seen first hand the difficulties of raising a disabled child...no, I wouldn't date someone who had a disabled child.

Having a disabled child is very very tough. We have a severely disabled child in our family and it's a nightmare. he is completely unable to do anything for himself and is 22 now. His mum and dad have never had a family holiday, never been able to fully attend to the needs of their other kids, all of whom had a statement of special needs.

Our child has wrecked the house, will never speak and will always be in nappies even though he's now 22 and well over 20 stone. he has a mental age of about 9 months.

If he's your own child, that's ok, you can cope.

But I certainly wouldn't go looking for all the heartache such a child brings to the family, that's for sure.

Thanks for your honesty, This feels very much like my situation, although my son is a lot younger, I just feel like who would throw themselves into this kind of family situation willingly?

SingleSue

I thought that no one would ever look at me as I had two disabled children, plus eldest who has mobilty issues (we don't use the disabled word with him, he doesn't like it), after my divorce.

It did take some time but I now have a love interest, who although finds it a little tough understanding all the little bit and pieces to do with the boys at times, loves us as a unit. He also finds it helpful with his own son who has difficulties, as I understand when dates have to be broken etc.

So there is hope...don't give up and don't be like me and consign yourself to the rubbish tip, it seemed to make life just that little bit eekier thinking that was it, a single life forever.

Person_one

jordygal wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty, This feels very much like my situation, although my son is a lot younger, I just feel like who would throw themselves into this kind of family situation willingly?

I don't want to spout platitudes and tell you it'll work out and decent men won't care. I'm afraid I think your situation would be very difficult for someone new to opt into.

I probably wouldn't date somebody with a severely disabled child who would be reliant on their parents their entire life. Like Zaksmum I've seen that situation within my own family and the toll its taken on the disabled person's parents, even though my relative is nearly 50 now and has been in residential care for some time. I know that I wouldn't be able to step up to that responsibility unless I had a parent's true and boundless love for the child.

That's not to say that it won't ever happen though, that there is no hope. Are you in any support groups? Do you have contact with other people in similar situations or other carers? I would have thought your best chance of a new partner would be somebody who is going through the same thing, and understands the repercussions fully.

Even if it doesn't happen and you stay single, it doesn't need to mean loneliness, lots of people never meet the right person for all sorts of reasons and have happy, fulfilled lives as single people. Don't hang all your hopes for happiness on a romantic relationship.

Best of luck with everything. X

Richard53

It might take someone special to cope with all that you describe, but if the chemistry is right, love will find a way.

Don't give up.

Toto

I felt like you do, only I had 3 kids with disabilities, one of whom is severely disabled. I won't bore you with the whole sorry story but the ending is good. I found a great guy who has more patience than I do we've been married for close on 6 years now.

Yes there is hope, there is someone out there for everyone. You might take a whole heap of time finding the right person but you must never write yourself off. You just never know what life has in store for you.

tayforth

I would.

It wouldn't put me off if I loved someone.