Am I over reacting? Think I might explode if I dont talk about this

bagpussbear

chelseablue wrote: »

My birthday is next week, on Tuesday

Less than a week to go. Try to keep things civil for the next few days if you can.

I am so hoping its a joke and he's got something bigger planned that you wont be expecting he's got a little bit of time here to sort something out too.

On the other hand, it gives you some thinking time about how you want to handle this should he not put things right. Maybe how you're going to say goodbye ...

You aren't overreacting at all, I think I would feel so sad and let down in your situation.

Hope you are able to report back next week OP and let us know. Will keep fingers crossed it will be ok for you.

Manchee

Am I missing something? It was his money, right? He doesn't owe you any money that you are waiting for?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions until you see what/if he has gotten you anything for your birthday. Its his money to do with as he likes, from what I can see he hasn't done anything wrong yet. You don't know he hasn't gotten you anything, and if its more like the amount of money he spent on booze, isn't that up to him really?

amyloofoo

Awww, OP I had a really similar thing last year and I know how upsetting it can be. My DH's birthday is not long after mine, and his was the big 30 (mine wasn't special) so I'd spent lots of time and money planning his surprise birthday party and getting him lots of presents. On my birthday I had nothing. Literally nothing. I wasn't expecting a lot, but he didn't even get me a card until I told him I was upset I hadn't had one.

I didn't moan at him, but I made sure that both his and my Mum knew what had happened (yes, I'm evil :rotfl:). They clearly nagged him into submission because at Christmas I was collected from my night shift and brought home to a clean and decorated house, lunch being cooked and a HUGE pile of presents that I was much too tired to open, but struggled through because he was so excited. I wasn't allowed to lift a finger all day.

I guess what I'm saying is, you're perfectly entitled to be annoyed, but it's more important to ask if he was simply being a bit thoughtless and dozy, or if this attitude is indicative of how he actually feels about your relationship. Overlooking presents because you're cr*p at presents and lack initiative is one thing, but just ignoring special days because you don't care if you upset your partner is another thing entirely - only you can really say which this is likely to be.

pollypenny

Manchee wrote: »

Am I missing something? It was his money, right? He doesn't owe you any money that you are waiting for?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions until you see what/if he has gotten you anything for your birthday. Its his money to do with as he likes, from what I can see he hasn't done anything wrong yet. You don't know he hasn't gotten you anything, and if its more like the amount of money he spent on booze, isn't that up to him really?

It might be 'his' money, but anyone who can spend that much on booze in one night has problems. Was he treating everyone there?

Hopefully, he is winding you up, OP, and a , lovely present will appear next week.

marisco_2

chelseablue wrote: »

Last night (when he rolled in totally off his face) he said there was money left.
This morning when I asked to see how much was left he admitted he'd spent it all

Was he buying rounds for everyone in the pub? If he had spent £150 on drink for himself he wouldn't be rolling in off his face, he would have been rolled off in the back of an ambulance and hospitalised. Unless of course he has a taste for ridiculously expensive bottles of champagne.

My gut instinct on this is that he may have arranged with the guy behind the bar, for a party for you there on your birthday and gave him a deposit amount to secure the venue, and then spent the rest getting a bit legless. Whether or not this idea goes down well with you I guess greatly depends on what the pub is like and if that is your kind of thing. Something tells me it may not be.

I am not a materialistic kind of person and don't really do the whole presents for adults thing. I would much rather someone decided to make my birthday special by spending quality time with me than anything else.

NoAngel

OP, your OH sounds a bit like my DH in some ways. We have a joint account and I mainly control things because he isn't great with money and this works well for us. When it comes to birthdays or Christmas its hard for him to get something without my knowledge as he will take the money from the joint account. It works fine for us like this but ruins the element of surprise. I can understand that if your OH spent this money on a night out you'll be feeling gutted The only time I got a real surprise was last year when I thought he'd forgotten as no money withdrawn, but he'd been naughty and been in the bookies, won some money and bought me an IPad.

Have a think about whether its working for you as it sounds really irresponsible of him, and think further down the line... If he took money to buy a present for any children you have/have in the future and did the same,how would you feel?

ecgirl07

pollypenny wrote: »

It might be 'his' money, but anyone who can spend that much on booze in one night has problems. Was he treating everyone there?

Hopefully, he is winding you up, OP, and a , lovely present will appear next week.

Nonsense! I went out on sunday knowing I was going to spend at least £100 in the pub over the course of day. I dont have a drink problem and had one of the best days out in a long time.

Op the issue is not the money - it the lack of thought and consideration given to you on your birthday coupled with the getting your hopes up that he was going to spend £150 treating you. He still might?

Bangton

With the one sentence answers from the OP I might have got this wrong but it seems you basically withdraw and hand him any money he wants to spend? Including on a present for your birthday? Which is why, you think you can be so sure he hasn't got you anything.

Truth be told I'd be annoyed but I do think you should stop handing his money to him from his own account and vetting what he does and what he is spending it on

Money_maker

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Nonsense! I went out on sunday knowing I was going to spend at least £100 in the pub over the course of day.

Wow, time for a cheaper hobby methinks.

tayforth

lika_86 wrote: »

6 drinks (2 rounds) after work last week cost me £30, easy to see how £150 could be spent if buying rounds for everyone.

Yes, even @ £5 per drink, £150 will buy 30 drinks! Now, assuming that his rounds were reciprocated, surely NOBODY can consume 30 alcoholic drinks in one night. :eek:


OP - I would wait until Tuesday to see if he does do something nice for your birthday.


But whatever happens, do you really want to be with this guy? I couldn't be with someone who's so awful with money that I had to control all the finances. To say nothing of his booze consumption!!!! :eek:


xxx