Am I over reacting? Think I might explode if I dont talk about this

paulineb_2

chelseablue wrote: »

Yes it was from his account

This may sound like a daft question, but if you know hes hopeless with money, why didnt you just ask him if you could withdraw the same sum of money out of his account and buy your own gift?

Also, what are you going to do if theres no gift for you next week?
Stay and hope that things change, try and get him to take more responsibility for his own money and life.

Or will you think thats it and you are over.

LannieDuck

chelseablue wrote: »

Yes it was from his account

So why can't you just withdraw another £150 for your gift? Or is his account now empty?

Better_Off_1983

You bf sounds like my ex. He begrudged taking the day off work for my birthday... it was my first birthday together as a couple, I told him he would have had a paid holiday but he never let me live it down how I begged him to take the day off work.

He is history now... that was 9 years ago!

Calien27

Does he not have any other money he might use to get you something, or has that £150 pretty much wiped his account?

Did he perhaps know you didn't want a present so blew the money on booze instead?

LannieDuck

Why did you go to the effort of withdrawing £150 from his account so he could buy you a present... if you don't want a present from him?

I understand that it's often the thought that counts (and he's now blown that), but surely giving him the money and telling him to go and buy you a gift rather undermines it all a bit in the first place anyway?

paulineb_2

chelseablue wrote: »

I really dont know I didnt even want a present

All I can say from my own experience of being in relationships with people who were absolutely ridiculously poor with money. Both were mummys boys, thats all I can say. Neither family had particularly a lot of cash but the mothers cleared up around them, including bailing them out when they were short of cash.

One was 27 and had two kids but if he had £700 on pay day, hed have 70p the following week.

Both had issues with gambling as well. I couldnt be with either person long term because it was like going out with two children. And in both of the relationships I didnt have much money to burn, but both still tried borrowing off me.

I was also sick of being lied to. My mum referred to one of them, the one she knew better as a waster and shes not prone to judging people, but thats how he came across.

He acted like a complete waste of oxygen and who knows, in the years since he may have sorted his act out, but it wouldnt matter to me, you reach your limit and you cant put up with any more.

You havent posted enough about him and the rest of your relationship to let people know if its good bad or indifferent.

But this is my view

1 I would not be with someone who I had to manage their every penny or they would blow it, its too stressful.
2 If he comes home later and apologises and has enough money to buy you something next week, I would be making it clear that you are no longer going to bail him out or spend time managing his finances, he learns to do it on his own. You are 29, I assume hes the same age. When I was 29 I was living in a flat, working and paying my bills, its not rocket science.
3 You weigh up whether this relationship on the whole is worth saving, whether if he pulled his finger out and sorted out the way he behaves towards finances, that you would actually have a good relationship
4 Then you make some choices, because if you stay the way things are right now, all you are doing is saying, I know hes awful but Im going to get upset for a few days, until the next time.

And its tough when you care about someone and you have feelings for them, to consider splitting, but its better than spending your life resentful because hes blown a significant sum of money in the pub.

He chose to do that.

LannieDuck

chelseablue wrote: »

I didnt tell him to go and buy me a gift.
He said Im using this £150 for your birthday, Id like to get you something nice as it's a special one (30)

Ahhhh... that makes it all much clearer.

So your birthday present isn't really the issue - it's the fact he wasted £150 down the pub in one night?

I don't think you're overreacting at all.

Tupperware_Queen

paulineb wrote: »

All I can say from my own experience of being in relationships with people who were absolutely ridiculously poor with money. Both were mummys boys, thats all I can say. Neither family had particularly a lot of cash but the mothers cleared up around them, including bailing them out when they were short of cash.

One was 27 and had two kids but if he had £700 on pay day, hed have 70p the following week.

Both had issues with gambling as well. I couldnt be with either person long term because it was like going out with two children. And in both of the relationships I didnt have much money to burn, but both still tried borrowing off me.

I was also sick of being lied to. My mum referred to one of them, the one she knew better as a waster and shes not prone to judging people, but thats how he came across.

He acted like a complete waste of oxygen and who knows, in the years since he may have sorted his act out, but it wouldnt matter to me, you reach your limit and you cant put up with any more.

You havent posted enough about him and the rest of your relationship to let people know if its good bad or indifferent.

But this is my view

1 I would not be with someone who I had to manage their every penny or they would blow it, its too stressful.
2 If he comes home later and apologises and has enough money to buy you something next week, I would be making it clear that you are no longer going to bail him out or spend time managing his finances, he learns to do it on his own. You are 29, I assume hes the same age. When I was 29 I was living in a flat, working and paying my bills, its not rocket science.
3 You weigh up whether this relationship on the whole is worth saving, whether if he pulled his finger out and sorted out the way he behaves towards finances, that you would actually have a good relationship
4 Then you make some choices, because if you stay the way things are right now, all you are doing is saying, I know hes awful but Im going to get upset for a few days, until the next time.

And its tough when you care about someone and you have feelings for them, to consider splitting, but its better than spending your life resentful because hes blown a significant sum of money in the pub.

He chose to do that.

did you date my ex? sounds just like him!

OP, it sounds like you have been given a chance to wake up and smell the coffee - take it....I had a similar chance and tried to fix things, ended up in a real pickle, and he still left!! (and left me with the debt)

CH27

Be grateful OP. You now know exactly where you stand in his life & that IMO is priceless.

Now you need to decide if you are willing to be ranked lower than getting tiddled.

Calien27

chelseablue wrote: »

I didnt tell him to go and buy me a gift.
He said Im using this £150 for your birthday, Id like to get you something nice as it's a special one (30)

Ooh right ok, I understand now!

No you're not over reacting, I'd be pretty damn miffed about it too. Also it is rather a lot of money to waste on booze, even if it wasn't used a present money there are far better things it could have been used for instead of getting pie eyed.