Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

ComeTheRevolution

Moonwax wrote: »

Hello

Hopefully someone can help, i am teying to get hold of a solicitor before the end of the week.

Story is, my ex wife asked to take my two children to orlando florida, to which i agreed. I was given their flight and accomodation details. But have just found out via social media she has infact taken them to las vegas so she can get married. I did not agree this and the kids thought they were going to orlando. Where do i stand? As i now do not know where they really are! We have shared care and NO residence order is in place.

With my parental resposibility i agreed only to Orlando.

I need to know if i should go to the police?

If you had disagreed you'd have had to take her to court and it's unlikely you'd have won as you're not raising a concern over their well-being in the US.

The police will likely view you as a stalking ex until such time that the children demonstrably have been removed for an undetermined length of time.

seven-day-weekend

I can't believe that people think it is wrong of the OP to want to know where his children are.

I think if it was a woman saying her ex had done this, there would be very different replies and they would be encouraged, not dissuaded, from contacting a solicitor.

Fathers have no rights, in some peoples' eyes.

aliasojo

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I can't believe that people think it is wrong of the OP to want to know where his children are.

Is that honestly what you've got from this thread?

Do you really think that's what people are saying?

I don't think anyone has said he is wrong for wanting to know where his kids are. I think most people would want to know where their kids are, it's a natural instinct.

What I think the OP is wrong for, is his reaction and his intent.

And for the record, I simply don't believe his assertions that his reaction is *just* because he cares for his kids. (Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he does but his reaction says so much more about his relationship with his ex). Only imo of course.

Enterprise_1701C

I have only read half of this, but it seems you are continually trying to find a reason to stop her doing anything with the kids.

Has it occurred to you that she might have thought she was going to Florida? Maybe her boyfriend arranged all this as a surprise?

As for giving her a good talking to, I think you lost the right to do that a while ago.

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It doesn't sounds remotely controlling to me. I'd be horrified if I thought my son was in place X and he turned out to be in place Y because his father lied to me! It's a completely wrong thing to do, IMO.

I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. It's possible for both parties to be not wholly in the right. More than possible I'd say its pretty normal.

I would want to know to, I am certain,in fact, I'd be livid, but I'd also want to know why I was left in the dark which might include facing some uncomfortable home truths.

seven-day-weekend

aliasojo wrote: »

Is that honestly what you've got from this thread?

Do you really think that's what people are saying?

I don't think anyone has said he is wrong for wanting to know where his kids are. I think most people would want to know where their kids are, it's a natural instinct.

What I think the OP is wrong for, is his reaction and his intent.

And for the record, I simply don't believe his assertions that his reaction is *just* because he cares for his kids. (Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he does but his reaction says so much more about his relationship with his ex). Only imo of course.

Whether that is true or not, I still think a woman saying the same thing would have received different (supportive) answers.

His ex was wrong to lie to him about the childrens' whereabouts. End of. I don't blame him for being annoyed about it.

rpc

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know OP has "gone", but why would she have had to give flight numbers and accommodation details? Is this not excessive?

Normally, MSE approach would be that this is excessive for a mother to give the dad and he should just trust her.

If dad wants to go anywhere, full address and phone number are required along with GPS tracking and satellite surveillance. That's just reasonable.

I suspect OP is concerned about the children both now and in the future. This shows a breakdown in trust & communication - not the fault of the OP and something that is needed for him to maintain his relationship with the children. He is probably also taken aback about the sudden announcement of marriage.

VitaK

Its reasonable to share travel details in the event of an emergency at home.

I would be annoyed about the deception more than anything. She could have said were she was going without mentioning the wedding.

seven-day-weekend

rpc wrote: »

Normally, MSE approach would be that this is excessive for a mother to give the dad and he should just trust her.

If dad wants to go anywhere, full address and phone number are required along with GPS tracking and satellite surveillance. That's just reasonable.

I suspect OP is concerned about the children both now and in the future. This shows a breakdown in trust & communication - not the fault of the OP and something that is needed for him to maintain his relationship with the children. He is probably also taken aback about the sudden announcement of marriage.

On certain parts of MSE, mothers can do as they please without question, dads can have whatever crumbs remain.

aliasojo

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

On certain parts of MSE, mothers can do as they please without question, dads can have whatever crumbs remain.

You don't think maybe that's getting a bit 'old' now?

I think the majority of people are actually quite sensible but this old chestnut keeps getting bandied about as if it's the rule more than the exception.