Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

lostinrates

lazer wrote: »

Anytime i went away on holidays with the school or even later with friends I would always have phoned home just to let my family know that I was ok, flight went well etc. I just think it's a common courtesy. (although since my parents had never been abroad they did worry over the stupidiest things)

Whereas in my family where travelling is a norm and at some point all of us have lived in different countries from the rest of the family that would be seen as OTT, unnecessary and certainly not courteous, which is why it pays to discuss these things if you are not sure of the parameters applicable. I certainly think a parent has the right to know where the child is. Flight numbers etc might be at the agreement of the parties involved unless mandated by legal route.

KxMx

pesky85 wrote: »

Why has everyone drawn the conclusion that this wedding was sprung on the ex wife as a surprise from the boyfriend? We really don't know enough details for that point to be argued.

I agree it's probably not wise for OP to go all guns blazing, for the sake of the children.

However I completely understand why he is worried and peeved with the ex!

Controlling or not (still don't know why people are saying he is), it's common courtesy to give correct details. If she lied, that's seriously off key.

If, a very small chance IMO, but IF this trip to Vegas was a surprise for her too - it wouldn't have hurt to send a brief text / email / call to the OP to notify him BEFORE allowing it to be blasted all over Facebook. As I said, everybody that uses FB knows how it works, she would know that he would find out through the social network grapevine if not directly.

Because as OP has been cast by many in the role of the villain, this puts ex in the innocent, didn't mean any harm role. So it must have been a surprise wedding/ she didn't want her day spoiled and so on.

:cool:

peachyprice

lazer wrote: »

personally I would think that any parent who has the kids away on a foregin holiday would tell the children to phone their mum/dad (If shared care and regular contact) at least once during the trip

Nope, never told my children to phone their dad and as far as I know he never told them to phone me. They have phoned us, but because they wanted to or wanted something, never because they were told to.

peachyprice

pesky85 wrote: »

If, a very small chance IMO, but IF this trip to Vegas was a surprise for her too - it wouldn't have hurt to send a brief text / email / call to the OP to notify him BEFORE allowing it to be blasted all over Facebook. As I said, everybody that uses FB knows how it works, she would know that he would find out through the social network grapevine if not directly.

Why very small? With lack of any information to the contrary from OP I would say 50/50 she lied or it was a surprise.

As for remembering to notify your ex before you get married in Vegas? Really? You'd expect someone to do that with the excitement of their wedding day?

Sorry, but my ex would be the last person I would be thinking off and as long as the children knew and were happy with my new husband I could see no reason to rush off to tell an ex of 6 years, none at all.

balletshoes

pesky85 wrote: »

Why has everyone drawn the conclusion that this wedding was sprung on the ex wife as a surprise from the boyfriend?

everyone hasn't drawn that conclusion.


We really don't know enough details for that point to be argued.

we really don't know enough details for any of this to be argued - its all conjecture at this point.


I agree it's probably not wise for OP to go all guns blazing, for the sake of the children.

However I completely understand why he is worried and peeved with the ex!

Controlling or not (still don't know why people are saying he is), it's common courtesy to give correct details. If she lied, that's seriously off key.

If, a very small chance IMO, but IF this trip to Vegas was a surprise for her too - it wouldn't have hurt to send a brief text / email / call to the OP to notify him BEFORE allowing it to be blasted all over Facebook. As I said, everybody that uses FB knows how it works, she would know that he would find out through the social network grapevine if not directly.

I don't disagree that it would have been courteous for the ex to tell OP about the change of plans, however, again, no-one but the OP and his ex know what kind of relationship they now have and how the ex-wife sees things may be completely different to how he does.

As I said, we could argue the what-ifs til the cows come home on this thread, but as no-one, including the OP, knows the full story its all just conjecture.

stir_crazy

I don't have children but if I had and someone had taken them 2000 miles from where they had told me they were going then I would hit the roof - yes probably an overreaction but a completely understandable one. Even if it was the other parent who had taken them.

The mother has a history of lying, in fact the OP says it contributed to the splitting up, so I can see why he wanted the flight details. Not only that, but she would have had to know she was getting married before she went - you have to have certain documentation and that would include her decree absolute from the divorce.

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

Why very small? With lack of any information to the contrary from OP I would say 50/50 she lied or it was a surprise.

As for remembering to notify your ex before you get married in Vegas? Really? You'd expect someone to do that with the excitement of their wedding day?

Sorry, but my ex would be the last person I would be thinking off and as long as the children knew and were happy with my new husband I could see no reason to rush off to tell an ex of 6 years, none at all.

I am not a parent, but my guess is a marriage would have a big impact on children, and they too might worry about the ex's feelings about it. Ideally it would be nice if a united front of positivity and reminding that they were all parents for the children would be possible, surely?

Calien27

As I posted before...

Yes she should have been honest about going to Vegas, but she has no obligation to tell the OP why they were going there, and I have a feeling if she had said that's their destination, the OP would have quizzed her about the reason for going to such a place.

peachyprice

lostinrates wrote: »

I am not a parent, but my guess is a marriage would have a big impact on children, and they too might worry about the ex's feelings about it. Ideally it would be nice if a united front of positivity and reminding that they were all parents for the children would be possible, surely?

Depends, if the 'new' partner has been in the children's lives for a number of years and is already part of the family a wedding ceremony would have very little impact on the child and should have very little impact on the ex, the discussion about how the other parent felt would have be had a long time ago, the front would already be united.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I was told i needed to legally tell my ex when we was going on holiday abroad - Even though he hasnt seen DD in years. I also, legally, needed to inform him of the dates, and country (not exact area, hotel name and room number!), and a contact number (He has my mobile) for emergencies.

As for ex's feelings towards a wedding - Why would you even think about this? Its not really got anything to do with the OP whether his ex gets married or not. Presumably they have been together a while before getting married so its not as if its some random stranger coming into the family.