Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

duchy

As for "Bar crawls" would this be a hen night ? If, as is likely. family and friends are also on the trip then it's hardly an issue. Kids aren't allowed in bars in Nevada-it's far stricter than over here.

duchy

lazer wrote: »

And the reason above is exactly why the ex should not have lied to the OP - it is wrong to put your children in a position where they avoid talking to a parent to avoid lying or where you ask your children to lie to the other parent.

The only reasonable explanation of this is that the wedding was a surprise by the boyfriend and the ex-wife really did think she was going to Orlando. - even if this is the case I think the OP should have been informed, all it would have took was a quick phone call to the father (or tell the kids to phone their Dad - personally I would think that any parent who has the kids away on a foregin holiday would tell the children to phone their mum/dad (If shared care and regular contact) at least once during the trip - parents should know that parents worry - even though most of the time there is no need to be worried!)

OP - do you know what hotel they are staying in - possibly from facebook check in's - jsut give the hotel a ring and ask them to pass a message to your ex-wife or children (But keep it friendly!)

This sounds far more plausible than the OP's ex going to the trouble of looking up flights and hotels to lie about.

As for contact .....Meh - calls are expensive-I used to be pleased if my son contacted me - but if he didn't I always assumed he was too busy having fun to do so.

The OP's ex probably didn't even *think* about contacting her ex if it was a surprise wedding - probably thought he wouldn't be interested if she gave him any thought at all- and why would you think about an ex if you're about to get married with all the important people in your life aroubnd you.

19lottie82

lazer wrote: »

OP - do you know what hotel they are staying in - possibly from facebook check in's - jsut give the hotel a ring and ask them to pass a message to your ex-wife or children (But keep it friendly!)

Now, that IS stalkerish!

aliasojo

lazer wrote: »

personally I would think that any parent who has the kids away on a foregin holiday would tell the children to phone their mum/dad (If shared care and regular contact) at least once during the trip....

I'm not sure most would? I think most parents would tell the kids to go and have a lovely time and they would see them when they got back and I don't think the parent with care would be saying 'go phone your Mum/Dad'. It's a short holiday, not 3 months in care.

aliasojo

lazer wrote: »

A
OP - do you know what hotel they are staying in - possibly from facebook check in's - jsut give the hotel a ring and ask them to pass a message to your ex-wife or children (But keep it friendly!)

Missed this bit.

Seriously OTT.

lazer

duchy wrote: »

This sounds far more plausible than the OP's ex going to the trouble of looking up flights and hotels to lie about.

As for contact .....Meh - calls are expensive-I used to be pleased if my son contacted me - but if he didn't I always assumed he was too busy having fun to do so.

The OP's ex probably didn't even *think* about contacting her ex if it was a surprise wedding - probably thought he wouldn't be interested if she gave him any thought at all- and why would you think about an ex if you're about to get married with all the important people in your life aroubnd you.

You are not thinking about the ex - you are thinking about your children - the OP's children have gained a stepdad - if it affects the children it affects the dad and IMO a quick call from the children would be the right thing.

A lot of fathers/mothers can feel very insecure when the other parent remarries as they fear they are being replaced in the home so it is important for the sake of the children to consider this - especailly in this case where the OP thought his children were going somewhere and finished up somewhere else

19lottie82 wrote: »

Now, that IS stalkerish!

I don't really think so - the OP has been lied to and so have his children apparently as they thought they were going to Orlando to - so I would use any reasonable means (ie: through facebook) at my disposable to try and contact my children - although this depends on when the wedding was - if it was yesterday, give it at least a few days to give the children a change to contact you;

lazer

aliasojo wrote: »

I'm not sure most would? I think most parents would tell the kids to go and have a lovely time and they would see them when they got back and I don't think the parent with care would be saying 'go phone your Mum/Dad'. It's a short holiday, not 3 months in care.

Anytime i went away on holidays with the school or even later with friends I would always have phoned home just to let my family know that I was ok, flight went well etc. I just think it's a common courtesy. (although since my parents had never been abroad they did worry over the stupidiest things)

aliasojo

lazer wrote: »

Anytime i went away on holidays with the school or even later with friends I would always have phoned home just to let my family know that I was ok, flight went well etc. I just think it's a common courtesy. (although since my parents had never been abroad they did worry over the stupidiest things)

That's completely different to being away with their parent though.

balletshoes

lazer wrote: »

Anytime i went away on holidays with the school or even later with friends I would always have phoned home just to let my family know that I was ok, flight went well etc. I just think it's a common courtesy. (although since my parents had never been abroad they did worry over the stupidiest things)

I send texts - but those texts just say "arrived safe, having a lovely time, back on whatever date xx". If I'm away with my DD or my niece, and they ask to phone home or text home, by all means I help them do that. The first time I took my niece way with us she was 7, and she was quite happy to dictate a text to me to send to her mum when we first arrived, and then she never asked again as we were all having so much fun. When she was 7 I did ask her if she wanted to phone/text mum, but she was away without both her parents.
When I'm away with my DD and my OH isn't with us, I'll phone him when I want to, and DD will talk to him when I'm on the phone to him. But if the ex-wife and the OP here don't really get along, I can see that she wouldn't necessarily think to contact him, if the kids are on holiday with her, having fun, and are coming home on time as originally planned.

pesky85

Why has everyone drawn the conclusion that this wedding was sprung on the ex wife as a surprise from the boyfriend? We really don't know enough details for that point to be argued.

I agree it's probably not wise for OP to go all guns blazing, for the sake of the children.

However I completely understand why he is worried and peeved with the ex!

Controlling or not (still don't know why people are saying he is), it's common courtesy to give correct details. If she lied, that's seriously off key.

If, a very small chance IMO, but IF this trip to Vegas was a surprise for her too - it wouldn't have hurt to send a brief text / email / call to the OP to notify him BEFORE allowing it to be blasted all over Facebook. As I said, everybody that uses FB knows how it works, she would know that he would find out through the social network grapevine if not directly.