Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

coolcait

duchy wrote: »

I think many of us can understand lying to an ex about a wedding -especially if the ex isn't themselves in a new stable relationship and is bitter still.

Maybe the kids overheard Mum lying to Dad about where .....and it snowballed. I just feel there is logical explanation somewhere. After all who wants kids moaning about wanting to go to Disney in the middle of a wedding.Pity they didn't just get married in Florida and did both.

"The ex is a selfish woman, who cares not who she upsets, as long as she gets what she wants. Even if she upsets her own children"

It's a logical explanation. It fits the profile of many of the mothers whose adult children discuss them on this forum.

It's not the preferred explanation on this thread. And I have no idea what the true explanation is.

However, I do think that it is more obviously 'logical' than a variety of 'what if' scenarios.

I'm also quite gobsmacked by the posts which have asked us to wonder why the ex 'felt that she had to lie'.

There's an issue of personal responsibility here - particularly if she did lie to her children. She chose to lie.

coolcait

peachyprice wrote: »

No, 5 days , not 2 weeks.



To do that OP has to get a court order and neither of them will be able to take the children out of the country until they are adults.

The courts can give permission for a child to be taken out of the country.

It might be a faff, and that might put a lot of people off doing it.

But it's certainly not necessarily the case that neither parent will be able to take the children out of the country until they are adults.

duchy

Know her personally do you ?

Simply - we don't know.
We have one side of the story - we don't have the other.

People will bring their own experiences to the table when discussing it.
Like I mentioned how my ex would only know vaguely where we were going - and certainly wouldn't insist on flight numbers/hotels as the OP says he did . That to me smacks of an ex trying to exert control -and begs the question -In what other ways could the OP have also tried to control what his ex did -and why she felt the need to keep her plans from him.

People don't usually lie unless there is a reason and logically as the Mum's family and friends were there it appears the only person who didn't know was the OP (and possibly the children -so they couldn't tell him). To lie and make sure all the friends and family didn't tell the OP too implies that those people kept the secret for a reason ....Maybe something to do with how the OP has conducted himself in the past...... maybe an assumption or fear he'd stop the kids going ......There is always a reason.

coolcait

duchy wrote: »

Know her personally do you ?

Simply - we don't know.
We have one side of the story - we don't have the other.

People will bring their own experiences to the table when discussing it.
Like I mentioned how my ex would only know vaguely where we were going - and certainly wouldn't insist on flight numbers/hotels as the OP says he did . That to me smacks of an ex trying to exert control -and begs the question -In what other ways could the OP have also tried to control what his ex did -and why she felt the need to keep her plans from him.

People don't usually lie unless there is a reason and logically as the Mum's family and friends were there it appears the only person who didn't know was the OP (and possibly the children -so they couldn't tell him). To lie and make sure all the friends and family didn't tell the OP too implies that those people kept the secret for a reason ....Maybe something to do with how the OP has conducted himself in the past...... maybe an assumption or fear he'd stop the kids going ......There is always a reason.

I don't know either of them, of course . I grew out of the imaginary friend stage many years ago. :rotfl:

Nor am I viewing someone else's story through the prism of my own personal experiences. That leads to assumptions; assumptions - from what you've said above - may lead to lies.

Sometimes people lie just because they can, or because that's the way they're wired. Women, and mothers, do fall into those categories.

However, if we work with the assumption in your final paragraph, it would appear that the ex, and all her family and friends, were also involved in supporting the lie about 'going to Disney'.

People can demonise the OP all they want - whether that's based on what he's said on the thread, or based on the fact that posters are transferring their own relationship experiences and emotions onto the characters in this tale.

however, once you get to a point where an extended group of adults is maintaining this kind of fiction - one which will end in disappointment for the children - I think that there's a real need to step back and reassess.

such a shame that none of the adults involved in maintaining the lie bothered to do that

peachyprice

coolcait wrote: »

The courts can give permission for a child to be taken out of the country.

It might be a faff, and that might put a lot of people off doing it.

But it's certainly not necessarily the case that neither parent will be able to take the children out of the country until they are adults.

In these circumstances a court won't put an order in place preventing one parent from being able to take a child out of the country and let the other parent.

Everytime either want to go on holiday abroad they will have to go to court for permission which may or may not be granted. A bit more than a faff.