Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

neverdespairgirl

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, I have known mothers lie to their children. This is how things are though on these forums, from many, always the father's fault

Don't look at me - I think I cast blame roughly equally between the genders (-:

duchy

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

That seems to me to be a very twisted and mother-centric view.

Of course some mothers lie to their children, for whatever reason.

To assume it's the OP's fault, rather than hers, is just random.

Where did I say it was wholly the OP's fault ?

Your response makes no sense (especially as you directly quoted me suggesting they were BOTH at fault)

Do you actually understand what the word random *means* ?

neverdespairgirl

The starting point, when the ex-wife / mother lied to her ex-husband / children is that lying about that kind of thing is totally out of order, and wrong.

Your starting point isn't hte same.

duchy

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

The starting point, when the ex-wife / mother lied to her ex-husband / children is that lying about that kind of thing is totally out of order, and wrong.

Your starting point isn't hte same.

No it isn't -My starting point is why someone felt they had to lie to their ex about their wedding (the same ex who earlier declared he was pleased she had remarried as it meant she would no longer be a sponging single mother-an odd comment as presumably he was aware she had a new partner ..........or perhaps he wasn't).

For all we know the mother lied to the ex about where they were going on holiday to avoid that kind of comment -and HE told the kids Mummy says you're going to Disney. There's also the evidence that the OP demanded flight details from his ex-something that sounds very odd. My ex always knew roughly where we were going on holiday but the only time he had the flight details was if he was picking our son up for the weekend direct from the airport -other than that he had no need or desire to know, It's all a bit messed up all around -which is why I suggested the OP took the chance to try and clear the air and move forward so there was no need for lies or threats to call the police and general angst on the part of the OP in the future.

neverdespairgirl

duchy wrote: »

There's also the evidence that the OP demanded flight details from his ex-something that sounds very odd. My ex always knew roughly where we were going on holiday but the only time he had the flight details was if he was picking our son up for the weekend direct from the airport -other than that he had no need or desire to know, It's all a bit messed up all around -which is why I suggested the OP took the chance to try and clear the air and move forward so there was no need for lies or threats to call the police and general angst on the part of the OP in the future.

There's the evidence that the ex gave OP the details - not that they were demanded.

FBaby

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

There's the evidence that the ex gave OP the details - not that they were demanded.

So the ex makes a point of lying for a reason that isn't very clear, and then takes it upon herself to print some wrong flights details and give them for the OP, just for the fun of it? That just doesn't hold.

I think what is apparent in this thread is that there is plenty of animosity on the part of the OP towards his ex, and that most likely the feeling is mutual. This most likely result is very selective hearing/understanding/compromising etc... When you are looking to find faults with someone, to justify your feelings towards them, you are bound to find reasons. Most likely, if both were here to give their side of the story, we would think they are two different families talking about different people.

It could have been like this with my ex. There were certainly times when I felt that everything I said or did was distorted to suit the bitterness he felt towards me. I learnt not to rise to any of his provocations, just did what I knew was right towards my kids, and bowed down on many occasions to his benefits to avoid conflict, again for the benefit of the children. Everyone tells me he is taking advantage of me, and yes, he is, but I've learnt not to feel aggravated by it and I'm just grateful that my children are happy and don't feel stuck in the middle of our bitterness.

duchy

He's a bit of a plonker then and probably doesn't have kids himself but as there were several friends and family out there with them I think it's fairly unlikely..... not impossible -just not very likely.

Dimey

I'm glad Moonwax came back to finish the story. I reckon the wife got off lightly.

I know some people took exception to some of OP's comments. But I read it differently (and I'm female). I thought he was just venting through frustration and I thought some of the comments were meant to be taken with a pinch of salt, purely to illustrate to us how frustrated and scared he felt. It didn't distract me from the wife's unnecessary lying.

OP seems to have accepted the wife saying she didn't want him to know where she was really going or that she intended to marry. It seems she hasn't acknowledged that irrespective of her reasons (which are largely immaterial), she did wrong in lying to OP and the children.

She purposely left OP for 2 weeks not knowing where his children were or whether they were, sick or well, or even alive or dead! Has she promised to be honest in future??

Personally I wouldn't agree to letting her take the children away again for fear of not knowing where they were in case of emergency. I'd have major trust issues with her full stop. Having said that, she does owe the kids a trip to Disney so maybe let her take them there but get copies of the plane tickets and hotel acknowledgement to be sure. Together with two contact phone numbers or make arrangements for her to phone in every 3 days. Then if all goes well, the trust element can be restored.

What a saga this thread has been.

FBaby

purely to illustrate to us how frustrated and scared he felt. It didn't distract me from the wife's unnecessary lying.

Maybe she is frustrated and scared too and that was the reason for her actions. How do you know it was unnecessary? Maybe, just maybe, OP also told her, with a pinch of salt because he felt frustrated, that he wouldn't let her take the kids away abroad for the purpose her her getting married and she took it seriously. OP then comes and says he would never have stopped it.

We just don't know what led to the circumstances described.

peachyprice

Dimey wrote: »

I
She purposely left OP for 2 weeks not knowing where his children were or whether they were, sick or well, or even alive or dead! Has she promised to be honest in future??

No, 5 days , not 2 weeks.

Personally I wouldn't agree to letting her take the children away again for fear of not knowing where they were in case of emergency.

To do that OP has to get a court order and neither of them will be able to take the children out of the country until they are adults.