Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

Chrisca50

just found this again - wish people who start a thread would tie up the loose ends instead of just leaving us wondering...................

Moonwax

Hello, sorry for the late late reply to what has happened.

Thanks anyway to everyones input that was supportive.

They are home safe and sound, and arrived when they should have. So i could relax and not worry too much.

My kids are upset they did not go to disney world as promised, insted they were taken to Vegas so thier mum could get married. We were lied to as she thought i would stop them going. Unfortunatly my ex cant seem to grasp i have no feelings etc for her so likes to think i would do something like that.
She doesnt seem to understand how annoyed i was being lied to about the locationof the kids when it is the first time she has ever taken them abroad, and everytime i have taken them abroad i gave her full details and never lied.

It is hard work being the non residence dad and being lied to. But what can i do about it?

Anyway, again thanks to all that have helped.

marisco_2

I am very glad to hear that your children returned home safely, that is really good news. I hope that yourself and your ex can find a way to resolve your differences, so as you don't experience this kind of worry when she travels with your children again.

julie03

it shouldnt have mattered what issues your ex has with you, she shouldn't have promised her kids Disney world and then didnt take them, that is really cruel.

Lying to an ex i can kind of understand, but your own kids:eek:

seven-day-weekend

I don't see why she just didn't say she was going to Las Vegas. She needn't have mentioned getting married if she thought her ex would object.

I hope they can work through this as otherwise Moonwax is going to worry every time she takes the kids abroad. If it was me I would be wanting to say, no you can't take them because I could not be sure where they are, when I have been told they were in one place and they were in another.

I think she has been incredibly selfish and not thought about the effects of her lies upon the children and their future travel.

FBaby

The reality is no-one will ever know. You say you wouldn't have stopped her, but clearly that is what she believed otherwise she wouldn't have gone to the length she did so you wouldn't know. Maybe it is only in retrospective that you are saying you wouldn't have stopped her because you now realised that you would have preferred she didn't lie to you, but if she had said it, you would have kick a fuss.

I'm getting married in September. We are doing in this country, but if we were to go abroad, I would have had no issue at all telling me ex because it would come to my mind a second that he would cause trouble with me taking the kids.

It is very sad that she went to the length of lying to the kids. Either way it is sad, sad that she has to disappoint her children because she thinks it is the only way she can have them at her wedding, sad that she would believe she had to go to that extent if indeed, she had no reason whatsoever to think that you wouldn't stop them going for a second.

I hope you won't see this as an opportunity to tell your kids that YOU will take them to Disney to make up for that terrible mother's of their making promises that she can't keep.

seven-day-weekend

Oh what a tangled web we weave and it is no wonder there are so many disturbed children when separated parents behave in this fashion and lie to them. She did not need to lie, she could just have said she was going to Las Vegas and not mentioned the wedding.

janninew

Glad they are back safely OP and that you came back to update us. I think promising children a trip to Disney and then taking them elsewhere is incredibly cruel, my young niece and nephew have just come back from Florida and Disneyworld, I can't imagine knowing how excited they were about the trip then the disappointment they would suffer finding out they were off to somewhere else.

marisco_2

julie03 wrote: »

Lying to an ex i can kind of understand, but your own kids:eek:

I don't agree with this logic. When a couple who have children split up, they need to communicate honestly with each other, and behave with integrity for the children's sake. By all means have a private life but be above board with each other over anything that involves the children. To lie where they are concerned does nothing but cause worry, distress and erodes any trust a person has in another. Not a nice atmosphere for children to be raised in at all.

duchy

I do think that now the kids are back -the OP needs to take a step back and think about why his ex felt the need to lie and to realize that the two of them need to work out how to co-parent better and communicate better for the sake of the kids as well as their own sanity.

Some of the snide comments the OP made at the beginning of the thread (like -how he was glad she had got married as she wouldn't be a sponging single parent -when she was obviously in a stable committed relationship as evidenced by her marriage) give clues as to why she felt he might try to disrupt the wedding plans or cast a shadow over what should be a joyful family event for her and the children.

Co-parenting is about respect for each other- you cared enough to produce two children together - just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you can't have a civil enough relationship to communicate -for the sake of your children who love you both.

Can you not see that no mother would lie to their children about where they were going (I agree it was not a good thing to do) unless they felt there was no choice and can you hand on heart say that some of the responsibility for her feeling forced to lie isn't yours ?

Can you not sit down with your ex and say that you've realized things need to change to avoid the children been affected by the problems you two have communicating -for the sake of everyone's sanity ?

I'm NOT saying it will be easy -but it has got to be better than what you went through whilst they were away.