Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

seven-day-weekend

aliasojo wrote: »

You don't think maybe that's getting a bit 'old' now?

I think the majority of people are actually quite sensible but this old chestnut keeps getting bandied about as if it's the rule more than the exception.

We'll have to agree to differ on that.

fluffnutter

I expect all of this has already been said...

1. It's perfectly natural to be concerned that your children, particularly if young, aren't where you think they are.

2. I suspect that, having granted permission for the children to go the US, it's of no concern to the courts whether they go to Florida or Nevada.

3. I suspect that the OP is both irritated that he's been lied to (understandable) and that his ex is getting married (life moves on).

Of paramount importance is that the children are safe and I don't think that's in doubt. I'm not an expert but I can't see family courts being particularly concerned about this, and instructing solicitors would mean one thing only - a big fat fee.

OP, be a man and tell your wife that, in future, you'd prefer her to be more up front about where she's taking the children. Problem solved. If you have children together, you owe it to them to talk to each other sensibly.

janninew

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

On certain parts of MSE, mothers can do as they please without question, dads can have whatever crumbs remain.

Very true, I seem to remember a thread not so long along about Dad wanting to take his children a few hours away to Scotland to visit his family and Mum wasn't happy, there were replies off 'take mum with you,' and 'you can't blame Mum for being worried.' Mega double standards on this forum.

stormbreaker

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

On certain parts of MSE, mothers can do as they please without question, dads can have whatever crumbs remain.

On the very first page of this thread, my post was quoted and the same was implied. Can I just say the thought of which sex had taken the child had not even entered my mind and initially I was confused at the inference as my post at no time suggested anything like that. Perhaps a few read into a post what they want!

I think this is very old hat and old fashioned to even consider that either sex is better or worse at caring for their child. There are so many single parent families and same sex partners who have children and are all equally able to care for children.

LannieDuck

ab.da54 wrote: »

There was a thread not too long ago where mother didn't want the father taking the child abroad and many, many people suported the mother....Definitely double standards at play.

I don't think that's true at all. In this instance, Dad gave permission for his ex to take the children to USA. The question is whether her taking them to a different state is a cause for concern or not.

If he hadn't wanted them to go abroad at all, he probably would have had the same type of replies as the thread you've posted.

Two completely different issues, regardless of gender.

LannieDuck

stormbreaker wrote: »

On the very first page of this thread, my post was quoted and the same was implied. Can I just say the thought of which sex had taken the child had not even entered my mind ...

I skim-read the first few pages of this thread, and only realised the OP was a man when the "you'd get a different response if you were a woman" posts started appearing :rotfl:

Dunroamin

The reason that the OP is getting a lot of stick isn't because he's male but because of the attitudes he's shown on here when talking about his ex wife. The level of control he seems to be seeking and the way he's talked about his communication with his ex have, I think quite rightly, led people to believe that there's more to his story than he's telling us and have given most of us a great deal of sympathy for her.

Also, as he and his ex have been divorced for 6 years his children may be young but they must be well into their school years.

KxMx

ab.da54 wrote: »

There was a thread not too long ago where mother didn't want the father taking the child abroad and many, many people suported the mother.

Claims he would be drinking - that's one reason why the parent didn't want the child going and posters sharing their agreement.

Claims of bar crawls here - children must be in the care of others whilst mother does this, so all ok.

Definitely double standards at play.

'Keyboard warrior' is a bit strong though as we are all just giving opinions on a situation as posted.

I agree and apologise to anyone I offended, I had an over reaction to the attitudes on display here because of my personal experience with this kind of situation, which turned into quite a traumatic one with very long lasting consequences.

duchy

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know OP has "gone", but why would she have had to give flight numbers and accommodation details? Is this not excessive?

I think so.
The only time I had such info was when I booked my son and his Dad's holidays (not as odd as it sounds I used to be a travel agent and he was hopeless with travel arrangements and at letting frequent flyer miles expire so often I'd sort it out for him a typical conversation would be "Chris your Virgin miles are expiring -did you want to use them for Orlando later this year?" reply would be "When are school holidays and where should we stay?" LOL). If he arranged it himself -I'd know when they were going and roughly where -He'd sometimes ask me if I thought a particular hotel was suitable - but often I wouldn't know if he'd taken my advice or not.

The OP implies there is little friendship or liking between him and his ex (comments about single mothers duely noted) and she obviously has a new partner -so I can understand her not feeling he needed to know her wedding plans. My bet is they *are* doing Disney but the California one either before or after Vegas and she felt she was bending the truth to avoid "a good talking to" .

Internet access is often expensive in Vegas -and you pay for inroom access per device so odds are the kids don't have their own devices connected -and the Mum is hardly going to want to talk to her ex on her wedding trip.

I do think the OP is risking a lot by kicking off -There's a world of difference between a bad mother and one who doesn't want their ex spoiling her wedding with snarky comments either to her or the children. Why make life difficult -what is done is done. A simple -I understand you didn't want to share your wedding plans - but in future please don't worry me by telling me the kids are somewhere and then I discover they are somewhere else.

lazer

19lottie82 wrote: »

OP I understand you are a bit miffed here and tbh I think if I were you I would feel the same BUT....

It's obvious that your wife didn't tell she she was taking the kids to her wedding in LV for a reason.

I think she was scared you wouldn't be happy and would kick off. You SAY you wouldn't but its obvious she thinks otherwise (rightly or wrongly) and that's why she did it.

Perhaps the children think the same (kids pick up on their parents relationship tensions very easily) which is why they aren't responding on their phones / tablets - chances are they don't want to be put in a position where they have to lie to you.

I'm sorry I'm not meaning to have a go at you but to put things into perceptive, my OHs ex wife (who he has two daughters with) is one of the most unreasonable and troublesome people I have ever come across, but if you asked her to admit that she behaved like this, would she? I bet my house that she wouldn't.

I'm not for one minute saying you're that bad, all I'm trying to show is that 2 people may have totally different opinions on each others attitudes and behaviour.

And the reason above is exactly why the ex should not have lied to the OP - it is wrong to put your children in a position where they avoid talking to a parent to avoid lying or where you ask your children to lie to the other parent.

The only reasonable explanation of this is that the wedding was a surprise by the boyfriend and the ex-wife really did think she was going to Orlando. - even if this is the case I think the OP should have been informed, all it would have took was a quick phone call to the father (or tell the kids to phone their Dad - personally I would think that any parent who has the kids away on a foregin holiday would tell the children to phone their mum/dad (If shared care and regular contact) at least once during the trip - parents should know that parents worry - even though most of the time there is no need to be worried!)

OP - do you know what hotel they are staying in - possibly from facebook check in's - jsut give the hotel a ring and ask them to pass a message to your ex-wife or children (But keep it friendly!)