Silly situation but a little upset about it.

victory

This reminds me of the channel 4 show made in Chelsea, my absolute pet hate is when they are face to face talking and one will say to the other for eg ' yes lunch would be lovely, text me with the details' and they walk off from each other:eek:

Why oh why they just can't arrange it there and then is beyond me:D

victory

top_drawer wrote: »

Yes. Do read my post.

I have tried to clarify several times. On the day I texted How about 1pm and she replied much later while I was at the hospital that she had just changed over to a new phone ....

Some do posters seem to almost go out of their way almost to swap events around and give them reason to pronounce the OP to be bang out of order. I certainly don't expect anyone to be at my beck and call!!! It was a coffee; a mutually nice thing to do together, to chat about stuff. If she didn't want to then fair enough, but I don't expect to be ignored. And yes I do get that I ignored her to an extent but it wasn't ignored because I'm ignorant ignored and when the same thing happens to me I accept it as "Oh well they've probably got busy, struggling for time in the day" coffee is not a priority afterall.

Maybe I should have replied sooner, maybe I should have phoned - she has issues with phones which I can well understand so so again I tend to take her view into account and not phone her.

Either way two days later and she still has not texted. There was no clarity in "I've just picked up S from school", since I had just given her an update where I was at I took it that was all it was as in I've just picked s from school (and so will be at least x minutes). And yes we hadn't made any firm arrangement but then why not reply saying "Sorry made plans elsewhere now"

I post on here a lot (as others do) as I struggle with these types of situations (low s-e, confidence, righteous anger, feel that others opinions are worth more etc) and tend to attach more importance to stuff than it means to others. Its really quite upsetting when I put myself out there + be honest about my failings (replying to texts) and people choose to attack.

People are trying to clarify the texting details

Person_one

top_drawer wrote: »

The following day I texted to say "Glad ur ok. Was worried when you disappeared and left me hanging around yesterday." No response.

top_drawer wrote: »

Either way two days later and she still has not texted.

If you really did tell her the above then I'm not surprised she hasn't felt inclined to get in touch.

OP, people aren't criticising your actions to be mean, or because we want to pick on you. You came on here because you were upset, because presumably you wanted our opinions on your friend's actions and for advice on how to handle these situations in the future.

Well that's exactly what you got! I'm sorry its not been easy to read, but its no use to you at all if we just say 'oh she must just be horrible, ditch her' to make you feel better.

moneysaymoneydo

People who do not drive have a very different perspective oh "it was only 5 minutes out", sorry but streets and the hassle can add a lot onto a journey and people who don't drive have absolutely no idea of how they put someone out, 5 mins to you - hassle to her!

Other hand very rude for her not to respond I would give a wide berth sometimes action speak louder than words she didn't want to meet you full stop!

trevorsminted

The following day I texted to say "Glad ur ok. Was worried when you disappeared and left me hanging around yesterday." No response.

Oh this is stalkish - she didn't respond, didn't want to know yet you feel the need to send this the next day, as previous she doesn't want to know back off, meet your real fwends!

paulineb_2

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

People who do not drive have a very different perspective oh "it was only 5 minutes out", sorry but streets and the hassle can add a lot onto a journey and people who don't drive have absolutely no idea of how they put someone out, 5 mins to you - hassle to her!

Other hand very rude for her not to respond I would give a wide berth sometimes action speak louder than words she didn't want to meet you full stop!

I dont drive, but I would rather not accept a lift from someone than take it and be upset that the place that was convenient to drop me off wasnt convenient for me.

I dont really know what this had to do with the whole texting issue tbh

trevorsminted

- Quote "I'm very unassertive and regularly get walked all over. But I didn't insist on being dropped at the bus station but when she said Oh I could drop you at X street on my way I said Oh well... such a place would be better, but what ever is convenient to you (trying not to be too pushy). When we were in the car she drove past such a place and dropped me further out at X street on route to work"

This possibly !?!?!?!?!?!

And relevance to text friend possibly thinks coffee and lift also it is a pain when people are not grateful IE. give them a lift to here but "oh ok but here would be better"

top_drawer_2

LOL I was hoping for advice on how to deal with the situation. If I was inclined to ditch her, I would, without asking anyone's advice - to do that I've found you have to be one of those people who just doesn't care for others.

The arrangements weren't vague as fair as I was concerned and I'm not sure how they could be interpreted as such. Although it can seem like that reading the bits I have posted what with texts flying back and forth, I dont want to post full texts and in life many things are inferred.

I wrote the first post from memory, checking my phone shows that in fact at I suggested coffee on Sunday at 5pm. At 7ish on Monday I suggested around 1pm (apoligising for the delay to reply). Also saying your choice where to meet.

On Tuesday (she hadn't got back to me, but that's normal) I asked if the weather was nice in xx and suggested the park as a meeting place... and explained re the hospital but hopefully 1pm would be late enough anyway.

At 11.50 she replied she had just got my text because she had a new phone. I replied no problem (based on her Definitely on Sunday and nothing to the contrary). At 11.55 she replied she was picking her daughter up from school. Then I replied with three chatty texts asking after her daughter/bits of other things/making conversation. No response.

At 2pm I stated I had finished everything I needed to do (wasted enough time thinking we were meeting, but she was held up) and was heading home now. No response. I also added that I was stopping off at xx (which I thought might be closer, to drive too for her). No response. At 8pm I sent her a text saying I hoped she was ok - standard to assume "because nothing has happened" and then the following morning because I was annoyed as I still had no response and I saw she was posting/using messenger said I'm glad your ok....

Apparently that was seen at 3ish today (just means it wasn't opened properly).

I think people sometimes prefer to jump straight to harsh conclusions and judge others - look at posts further up the thread suggesting I expected her to come to my beck and call!! Before I reply to anyone I check that I am understanding something correctly, hence sometimes I don't post as I don't get the timeline of events.

KxMx

Person_one wrote: »

If you really did tell her the above then I'm not surprised she hasn't felt inclined to get in touch.

OP, people aren't criticising your actions to be mean, or because we want to pick on you. You came on here because you were upset, because presumably you wanted our opinions on your friend's actions and for advice on how to handle these situations in the future.

Well that's exactly what you got! I'm sorry its not been easy to read, but its no use to you at all if we just say 'oh she must just be horrible, ditch her' to make you feel better.

Some give great advice and others are just out for blood on here. Makes them feel big I suppose!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

top_drawer wrote: »

The arrangements weren't vague as fair as I was concerned and I'm not sure how they could be interpreted as such. Although it can seem like that reading the bits I have posted what with texts flying back and forth, I dont want to post full texts and in life many things are inferred.

They are vaguer than a vague thing that is hidden behind a veil of vagueness.

If you are arranging a coffee, you can't infer - it's time and place and yay or nay. End of!