Silly situation but a little upset about it.

trevorsminted

Sarcasm previous day "i'm glad your ok" me thinks that's the end of the friendship. Take the hint not your fault yes she was rude not to at least reply saying "don't want to meet" (regardless of reason) see it for what it was and leave be, the last text does sound sad IE. playground I know you text others but not me, walk away and put all your efforts into meeting genuine mates

paulineb_2

top_drawer wrote: »

LOL I was hoping for advice on how to deal with the situation. If I was inclined to ditch her, I would, without asking anyone's advice - to do that I've found you have to be one of those people who just doesn't care for others.

The arrangements weren't vague as fair as I was concerned and I'm not sure how they could be interpreted as such. Although it can seem like that reading the bits I have posted what with texts flying back and forth, I dont want to post full texts and in life many things are inferred.

I wrote the first post from memory, checking my phone shows that in fact at I suggested coffee on Sunday at 5pm. At 7ish on Monday I suggested around 1pm (apoligising for the delay to reply). Also saying your choice where to meet.

On Tuesday (she hadn't got back to me, but that's normal) I asked if the weather was nice in xx and suggested the park as a meeting place... and explained re the hospital but hopefully 1pm would be late enough anyway.

At 11.50 she replied she had just got my text because she had a new phone. I replied no problem (based on her Definitely on Sunday and nothing to the contrary). At 11.55 she replied she was picking her daughter up from school. Then I replied with three chatty texts asking after her daughter/bits of other things/making conversation. No response.

At 2pm I stated I had finished everything I needed to do (wasted enough time thinking we were meeting, but she was held up) and was heading home now. No response. I also added that I was stopping off at xx (which I thought might be closer, to drive too for her). No response. At 8pm I sent her a text saying I hoped she was ok - standard to assume "because nothing has happened" and then the following morning because I was annoyed as I still had no response and I saw she was posting/using messenger said I'm glad your ok....

Apparently that was seen at 3ish today (just means it wasn't opened properly).

I think people sometimes prefer to jump straight to harsh conclusions and judge others - look at posts further up the thread suggesting I expected her to come to my beck and call!! Before I reply to anyone I check that I am understanding something correctly, hence sometimes I don't post as I don't get the timeline of events.

I think to be fair its hard to respond to partial information. I see people post on forums quite a lot about an event and when people start to give opinions, they say theres more to it.

Im sorry you were upset, all I can say is I hope you can resolve this as you need to see one another at work.

Also, its a fairly small thing in the scheme of things. Ive read your post and it seems like youve had a lot on your plate lately and sometimes when we do have a lot on, a small thing can seem like a really big deal, speaking from experience.

shellsuit

Why don't you just pick the phone up and see what the problem is?

You said that she has problems with her phone/s, so maybe she DID reply to you, maybe she replied and asked you to meet somewhere else and was waiting around for you or maybe she replied to say she couldn't make it but for some reason, you didn't receive her message.

You can't get in a strop over her behaviour, unless you hear it from the horses mouth.

top_drawer_2

trevorsminted wrote: »

- Quote "I'm very unassertive and regularly get walked all over. But I didn't insist on being dropped at the bus station but when she said Oh I could drop you at X street on my way I said Oh well... such a place would be better, but what ever is convenient to you (trying not to be too pushy). When we were in the car she drove past such a place and dropped me further out at X street on route to work"

This possibly !?!?!?!?!?!

And relevance to text friend possibly thinks coffee and lift also it is a pain when people are not grateful IE. give them a lift to here but "oh ok but here would be better"

Maybe its not coming over right in text format. It wasn't meant nastily and I'm not ungrateful at all for the lift. I've watched people for a long time to pick up certain skills as I haven't been endowed with them through family/naturally. I have termed it perspective as I suppose I would want to know if something works better for someone/isn't going to cost me much but I haven't seen the situation in that way, sort of like negotiating something. I have watched how other people conduct themselves and seen often how where I would just accept whatever someone offers (a time/lift/item etc), others don't and that's not generally considered rude as the other person is entitled to say no (but it does give you a measure of the relationship, I guess).

So last week a family friend visited and said she hadn't eaten since 8am, so I said I would make her a sandwich, cheese sandwich .... *looking in the fridge* she said no she would prefer ham as cheese gives her indigestion. I don't consider her rude or think she should have just accepted what ever I offered just that she was putting her preference across. I was entitled to say No (the ham is for the dog/mine etc). Hence, I was careful to add But whatever is convenient to you as its not polite to not offer a "get out".

It sounds very entitled here, written. In real-life most people seem to do it naturally.

top_drawer_2

trevorsminted wrote: »

Sarcasm previous day "i'm glad your ok" me thinks that's the end of the friendship. Take the hint not your fault yes she was rude not to at least reply saying "don't want to meet" (regardless of reason) see it for what it was and leave be, the last text does sound sad IE. playground I know you text others but not me, walk away and put all your efforts into meeting genuine mates

It wasn't sarcasm - I guess I should have clarified that I took her cheery posts on fb to mean that she was ok. I texted the day before saying that I hoped she was OK figuring she had something come up. She has a lot on so I figured *something* had happened which took precedence to getting back to me.

trevorsminted

I get your meaning OP but you telling a driver who is going out their way to give you a lift "thanks that's really nice of you to take me to area A but B would be better", regardless if nearer, further away!

That aside your friend should have common decency to tell you she didn't want to meet up maybe even with an excuse, don't waste you time and energy anymore arrange to meet your real friends!

shegirl

top_drawer wrote: »

LOL I was hoping for advice on how to deal with the situation. If I was inclined to ditch her, I would, without asking anyone's advice - to do that I've found you have to be one of those people who just doesn't care for others.

The arrangements weren't vague as fair as I was concerned and I'm not sure how they could be interpreted as such. Although it can seem like that reading the bits I have posted what with texts flying back and forth, I dont want to post full texts and in life many things are inferred.

I wrote the first post from memory, checking my phone shows that in fact at I suggested coffee on Sunday at 5pm. At 7ish on Monday I suggested around 1pm (apoligising for the delay to reply). Also saying your choice where to meet.

On Tuesday (she hadn't got back to me, but that's normal) I asked if the weather was nice in xx and suggested the park as a meeting place... and explained re the hospital but hopefully 1pm would be late enough anyway.

At 11.50 she replied she had just got my text because she had a new phone. I replied no problem (based on her Definitely on Sunday and nothing to the contrary). At 11.55 she replied she was picking her daughter up from school. Then I replied with three chatty texts asking after her daughter/bits of other things/making conversation. No response.

At 2pm I stated I had finished everything I needed to do (wasted enough time thinking we were meeting, but she was held up) and was heading home now. No response. I also added that I was stopping off at xx (which I thought might be closer, to drive too for her). No response. At 8pm I sent her a text saying I hoped she was ok - standard to assume "because nothing has happened" and then the following morning because I was annoyed as I still had no response and I saw she was posting/using messenger said I'm glad your ok....

Apparently that was seen at 3ish today (just means it wasn't opened properly).

I think people sometimes prefer to jump straight to harsh conclusions and judge others - look at posts further up the thread suggesting I expected her to come to my beck and call!! Before I reply to anyone I check that I am understanding something correctly, hence sometimes I don't post as I don't get the timeline of events.

Why did you send her three chatty texts when she wasn't responding?You sound pushy.

top_drawer_2

paulineb wrote: »

I think to be fair its hard to respond to partial information. I see people post on forums quite a lot about an event and when people start to give opinions, they say theres more to it.

Im sorry you were upset, all I can say is I hope you can resolve this as you need to see one another at work.

Also, its a fairly small thing in the scheme of things. Ive read your post and it seems like youve had a lot on your plate lately and sometimes when we do have a lot on, a small thing can seem like a really big deal, speaking from experience.

Its really hard to post every relevant piece of information so sometimes you just post the crux of an email/text conversation. I'm not back at work for awhile yet (limited movement and weakness). I've had loads on and I am feeling very let down by "friends". I know its my own fault as I struggle with developing relationships/meaningful conversations but I feel that I work on it often and then it doesn't seem to pay off and someone else lets me down.

*max*

You sent 7 successive texts, the last one ending with "Glad ur ok. Was worried when you disappeared and left me hanging around yesterday."

This is not a nice text showing you are genuinely worried though, is it? It's a passive-aggressive, sarcastic way to show you are angry at her. Again, I think you are misjudging the level of familiarity you can have with this person. While it could be ok with a very close friend, it isn't the way to speak to/behave with a work colleague you don't know very well.

top_drawer_2

shegirl wrote: »

Why did you send her three chatty texts when she wasn't responding? You sound pushy.

How was I supposed to know she wasn't responding now, as she just had saying she was picking her D up. All very short, sent in a few minutes (after her previous text) and all relevant to what we had already talked about.

Maybe it is pushy but I wouldn't consider it so... just making conversation when one is bored sat in a hospital for an hour+ waiting.....