Silly situation but a little upset about it.

paulineb_2

top_drawer wrote: »

Its really hard to post every relevant piece of information so sometimes you just post the crux of an email/text conversation. I'm not back at work for awhile yet (limited movement and weakness). I've had loads on and I am feeling very let down by "friends". I know its my own fault as I struggle with developing relationships/meaningful conversations but I feel that I work on it often and then it doesn't seem to pay off and someone else lets me down.

And I would say your issue is more about you needing to build your self esteem more than this specific issue

Also, people behave the way they behave, we cannot make someone treat us in a certain way, you just have to realise that and find people who will treat you in the way you find acceptable, which to be fair is different for every person

Ive got friends who have on occasion not been there when Ive needed support, but theyve had other things going on as well. It doesnt mean I dont see them, it just means when we see one another its for a catch up and a drink and I dont think too much about having a deep friendship with them.

Different people will make different kinds of friendships. And if you were feeling a bit brighter I bet this wouldnt have upset you so much.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

top_drawer wrote: »

Its really hard to post every relevant piece of information so sometimes you just post the crux of an email/text conversation. I'm not back at work for awhile yet (limited movement and weakness). I've had loads on and I am feeling very let down by "friends". I know its my own fault as I struggle with developing relationships/meaningful conversations but I feel that I work on it often and then it doesn't seem to pay off and someone else lets me down.

There is a difference between assertive and aggressive, people haven't got time to be fannying around - not knowing what's underlying each message and comment. I think - and have said before - that you need to be more assertive and not so clingy as it comes across as desperation and instead of friendship it's more like unofficial counseling on their behalf. And definitely cut out the passive aggressive sarcasm. That only works if you do it with some humour.

Person_one

TD, feel free to ignore this question if its too personal, but have you ever been diagnosed with Asperger's or anxiety or any other conditions that make it hard for you to relate to other people?

[Deleted User]

What was the wording of the final text regarding collecting her daughter? Sounds like she meant to use it as a "Sorry I can't make it" but wasn't clear and when you didn't understand she felt like there was no way to get out of the awkward situation so is just ignoring it and hoping it goes away?

For me personally if someone does not confirm something I assume it is rejected. Proposal -> approval -> event.

I assume next time you run into each other she'll say "oh sorry, I had to take daughter to x, how about we go for coffee next week? ".

shegirl

top_drawer wrote: »

How was I supposed to know she wasn't responding now, as she just had saying she was picking her D up. All very short, sent in a few minutes (after her previous text) and all relevant to what we had already talked about.

Maybe it is pushy but I wouldn't consider it so... just making conversation when one is bored sat in a hospital for an hour+ waiting.....

So you sent three consecutive chatty texts without a break?AND while she was driving?

I think you need to work on your social skills a bit more.I'm not being mean,it just seems like it might be a bit of a struggle for you and maybe you attach too much to little things along with not understanding what you say and do can affect others.

top_drawer_2

trevorsminted wrote: »

I get your meaning OP but you telling a driver who is going out their way to give you a lift "thanks that's really nice of you to take me to area A but B would be better", regardless if nearer, further away!

That aside your friend should have common decency to tell you she didn't want to meet up maybe even with an excuse, don't waste you time and energy anymore arrange to meet your real friends!

No she wasn't going out of her way. She wanted to drop me on her way to work at the bus stop. I said B would be better. I get your meaning and when people do it to me I often felt pushed but I'm beginning to realise I have as much right to say No as they have to ask. She said No and yes I was/am irritated as I feel its not too much to ask all things considered.

As I've said I struggle with making friends and tend to hang on to any I make as tight as I can.... its not healthly but I don't want to be alone. I feel that as she has made such a lot of friends in a short space of time at work that she must be right/there must be something I am missing.

shegirl

Person_one wrote: »

TD, feel free to ignore this question if its too personal, but have you ever been diagnosed with Asperger's or anxiety or any other conditions that make it hard for you to relate to other people?

Was wondering about aspergers myself tbh.I don't think the op means to be a pain in the backside,just struggles.

trevorsminted

I would feel stifled under all that texts, ok sounds like she had no intention of responding but the next day texting "glad you are ok" because OP had seen on FB she had responded to others that crosses the line, I agree with above OP needs to see things for what they are and back off unless underlying problem why she cant read "between the lines".

shegirl

top_drawer wrote: »

No she wasn't going out of her way. She wanted to drop me on her way to work at the bus stop. I said B would be better. I get your meaning and when people do it to me I often felt pushed but I'm beginning to realise I have as much right to say No as they have to ask. She said No and yes I was/am irritated as I feel its not too much to ask all things considered.

As I've said I struggle with making friends and tend to hang on to any I make as tight as I can.... its not healthly but I don't want to be alone. I feel that as she has made such a lot of friends in a short space of time at work that she must be right/there must be something I am missing.

If somebody is giving you a lift (and on their way to work for heavens sake!) and they say they'll drop you off at such and such a place you say 'thanks'.You don't get narked over their FAVOUR not being exactly what you want/expect and say 'well xxx would be better'.

If I have a lift from a friend I often say to just drop me off on the corner etc so they don't go out of their way.

top_drawer_2

*max* wrote: »

You sent 7 successive texts, the last one ending with "Glad ur ok. Was worried when you disappeared and left me hanging around yesterday."

This is not a nice text showing you are genuinely worried though, is it? It's a passive-aggressive, sarcastic way to show you are angry at her. Again, I think you are misjudging the level of familiarity you can have with this person. While it could be ok with a very close friend, it isn't the way to speak to/behave with a work colleague you don't know very well.

Yep I was annoyed and trying to convey it, maybe badly. I was genuinely glad she was ok. She left me hanging around for two hours and didn't have the decency to send a text saying "I'm sorry xxxxxxxxxxx"

I feel rejected that she wasn't willing to drive into town to see me and annoyed I'd been so pleased to meet up with a "friend"

I will certainly keep it in mind that this person isn't a "friend" as I thought the fact that we have met up outside work on a number of occasions/she came to visit me when I was first off work (although I wonder now, looking back if this was because I mentioned in the same text that I was still planning to attend her Bday event - despite my injury) and is not a formal type person.