Silly situation but a little upset about it.

top_drawer_2

Yesterday I arranged to meet a friend for coffee - there was quite a bit of travelling involved but I had to go anyway as I had a appointment to attend.

I suggested a time and she didn't disagree. I had been waiting for my appointment for an hour and texted her saying I didn't think it would be much longer ... she replied she was collecting X from school (who is approx 16). I replied with a chatty text asking how things had gone for her in an exam - no response. I had my appointment and left the hospital, texted her asking her where/what time she wanted to meet.... Nothing.

An hour later I texted saying I was going home as I had [STRIKE]wasted enough time waiting around[/STRIKE] done everything I needed to do, then that I was stopping off at X which I thought maybe closer to her. Nothing. Nothing on facebook either all day. I know she has issues so I texted saying Hope your ok. Nothing. The following day I texted to say "Glad ur ok. Was worried when you disappeared and left me hanging around yesterday." No response. I feel quite upset about it as it seems to come down to that she didn't want to drive to me, although I cant work out why she figured I would take yet another bus (3rd in the day, and again on the return) for the sake of a coffee t go directly to her house. I hate not being able to drive.

She is posting on fb, has been on chat (time shows up on browser) but no response.

I'm worried I've done something wrong but am confused as to what as she stopping texting when it was apparent that she would need to travel into town to meet me (she lives a fair way out and miles away from the hospital).

I've stopped with this person for 2 nights (to attend work colleagues events) and the other thread re subject has set me wondering whether I've overstepped the mark somewhere. She has been unwilling in the past to go out of her way for me i.e when I visited she had to go to work later and I was hoping she would drop me off within walking distance of the bus station (not in it as that involves driving right into the centre). She didn't exactly refuse but sort of avoided it, dropping me near a bus stop on her route to work.

However, I have thought in the past that I would be best not to depend on this person although I couldn't work out why. She is fairly new colleague but has proved really popular at work and everyone seems to think she is great.

I'm not sure how to handle it.

Toothfairy4

Not a very nice 'friend'... Some people will not make an effort if it involves them going out of their way. I've come across a few like this in the past who cannot be bothered unless it is convenient to them, they tend to disappear off the scene after a while unless you keep accomodating them. Blatantly rude to ignore your texts etc, no need for it.

Red_Elle

I'd not be doing anything more. You've texted several times and it appears that she is ignoring you for whatever reason. She sounds a bit strange to me! Of course you might have done something to upset her, but she's a grown up and can tell you this - you're not a mind reader.

Wouldn't waste any more time worrying about this. Wouldn't want to be friends with someone who I felt on tenterhooks with personally.

top_drawer_2

She is a work colleague and has proved to be really popular; the type that makes friends almost instantly (I've seen it) she is open, funny and somehow says the right thing at the right time and the person just naturally falls into conversation/freinding her on fb. Hence she is likely to be around a lot longer.

Ironically she often says at work that she feels irritated/annoyed by X insistence for something i.e for them to go out for the night, saying she would prefer to stay in. Awhile back she was saying another person we work with wanted picking up/dropping off (from a fair distance) so that she could borrow some clothes from her - the other person didn't drive either but she did it.

I'm not saying I want to take advantage too at all but am worried its me.

thehappybutterfly

Can you clarify something for me? Did you arrange a specific time to meet your friend? Did this meeting time come and go while you were at your appointment? I'm just a bit confused when you say you were waiting an hour for your appointment then you texted your friend to say you wouldn't be long and where would you like to meet.

top_drawer_2

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Can you clarify something for me? Did you arrange a specific time to meet your friend? Did this meeting time come and go while you were at your appointment? I'm just a bit confused when you say you were waiting an hour for your appointment then you texted your friend to say you wouldn't be long and where would you like to meet.

I suggested 1pm at 10am that morning, at 12.30 when I left the hospital I texted again saying when/where you want to meet? Thinking that she may have other commitments (I am wary of pushing into things and being like other people I work with and who she complains about) and think may be 2 pm would be better but not like to say IYSWIM.

Hermia

top_drawer wrote: »

She is a work colleague and has proved to be really popular; the type that makes friends almost instantly (I've seen it) she is open, funny and somehow says the right thing at the right time and the person just naturally falls into conversation/freinding her on fb. Hence she is likely to be around a lot longer.

Ironically she often says at work that she feels irritated/annoyed by X insistence for something i.e for them to go out for the night, saying she would prefer to stay in. Awhile back she was saying another person we work with wanted picking up/dropping off (from a fair distance) so that she could borrow some clothes from her - the other person didn't drive either but she did it.

I'm not saying I want to take advantage too at all but am worried its me.

I wonder if she is not very assertive and that is upsetting her. Maybe the situation with you is the latest in a series of situations where she had felt obliged to do things she doesn't want to do, but because she is unassertive she is not dealing with it/you well. The reason I am wondering that is because of the way you say she makes friends easily. I do often find that unassertive people do make friends very easily because they are unthreatening and go along with that others want to do.

top_drawer_2

I'm very unassertive and regularly get walked all over. But I didn't insist on being dropped at the bus station but when she said Oh I could drop you at X street on my way I said Oh well... such a place would be better, but what ever is convenient to you (trying not to be too pushy). When we were in the car she drove past such a place and dropped me further out at X street on route to work.

When I texted asking her if she fancied coffee she said Yes, definitely and I kept her informed as to where I was as I knew it would e unpredictable. Surely she must realise 3 buses is too much/expensive for a coffee to go to her house..... did she expect that? I think that would be overstepping the line in how much to expect of someone tbh.

gazzak_2

Could you be any more of a doormat OP? This isn't a friend. You know that and want confirmation. Here it is.

paulineb_2

You are upset because she didnt text you back or because she didnt respond with a definite time? If someone cant drop you off where you need to go, dont get a lift with them, its quite simple.

I dont know if this person is a friend, or a work colleague or how well you know them, but it sounds like you dont know them that well

It possibly wasnt the best idea to meet when you didnt know exactly what time you would be finished up at the hospital.

People are who they are, some people can be thoughtless, some people deliberately so. The fact that shes not responding to your posts and texts, she obviously doesnt want to talk about it just now and yes I would respond to a text from someone and I would message them back on facebook, but you cant predict other peoples behaviour

And if people regularly walk all over you thats something that only you can change.

bagpussbear

OP if I am reading this correctly did you mean you gave her 3 hours notice to meet, without any previous mention that you'd be in the area? Sorry if I am misunderstanding!