A friend staying at our place for 2 weeks

amalis

Hi all,
one of my good friends came for a visit and staying with us for 2 weeks. I am really happy to see her, and I buy products for her to have dinner and everything. But she also takes products from the fridge and freezer without asking my permission which I feel uncomfortable with. For example I bought a special ice cream waiting for my mum's visit in 1 week and I see that it is gone. If she would ask, I would said yes, but she didnt. Not often I have friends staying over and I am not sure what are the rules in this regard. Not even once she bought something for dinner, she expects if she is visiting I will provide everything and her needs are much bigger than mine I have to say. Am I wrong? what would you expect?

FBaby

Not she is rude and has no manners. You now know never to invite her again to stay!

building_with_lego

Get the ground rules in place. Chat about each others' boundaries and when she'll spend time in her room so you can chat to your OH alone/ make phonecalls/ whatever. Show her where the available foods are and explain what is out of bounds (maybe a drawer of the freezer and a shelf in the fridge?) I'm sure when you'll explain about the special icecream she'll be mortified and replace it....

victory

I would expect your friend to ask if she wanted some ice-cream, are you saying she ate it all and never said anything? Did not replace it?

I would expect her to offer to cook, chip in with the house, buy bits and pieces, offer to take you out as a thank you, just a coffee and a cake would do does not have to be an elaborate meal...

Do you go to hers?

Is it a cultural thing? I know in europe they do not say please and thank you as we do and go into each others fridges and cupboards and take what they want and would not ask...

Watto30

Hi,

Its very nice of you to have your friend to stay for 2 weeks but I agree with FBaby that the behaviour is rude, she should not just be helping herself or expecting you to provide everything during her stay! has she helped around the house or offered to buy dinner at all?

amalis

I felt shy to say that there is some food which I wouldnt liek her to touch, but I also didnt expect that someone will take it without asking me first.

amalis

I told her that that ice cream was ordered and for my mum. She said sorry. But did not offer to replace it. And no, never invited us to dinner or offered this even. She brought little gifts when she came (a bracelet to me and a bottle of spirit to my OH). My husband treated her for meals many times (when we are all together). She helped once to clean kitchen, but actually made a lot of comments in front of my OH about how dirty I keep the kitchen.

amalis

She was my BF, but I haven;t see her for 7 years and I never visited her place.

Rottensocks

There are obviously times when you are out (at work) and she is in the house alone (scoffing your ice cream). I think I would leave a cheery note in the kitchen with a brief shopping list:

"Morning! I've popped to work, wonder if you could pick up a few bits for dinner this evening, here's a quick list......"

If she ignores that, then she's just plain ignorant!

Watto30

Hmm to be honest thats not particularly nice of a friend to start making comments to your OH which sound like put downs about you, the fact she did not offer to replace the ice cream either is not the behaviour of a true friend either.

From the sounds of it she is getting an easy ride out of your friendship at you and your OH's expense, have you known this person for a long time? have you ever been invited to stay at her's?

balletshoes

amalis wrote: »

I felt shy to say that there is some food which I wouldnt liek her to touch, but I also didnt expect that someone will take it without asking me first.

well now you know that with this particular friend, you need to not be shy, you need to lay down ground rules at the start of the visit.

amalis wrote: »

I told her that that ice cream was ordered and for my mum. She said sorry. But did not offer to replace it. And no, never invited us to dinner or offered this even. She brought little gifts when she came (a bracelet to me and a bottle of spirit to my OH). My husband treated her for meals many times (when we are all together). She helped once to clean kitchen, but actually made a lot of comments in front of my OH about how dirty I keep the kitchen.

is this a friend of yours? a friend of your OH? a friend of the family? Do you expect she'll be invited to stay for 2 weeks with you again?