A friend staying at our place for 2 weeks

System

with friends like her who needs enemies?:(

sammyjammy

building_with_lego wrote: »

Get the ground rules in place. Chat about each others' boundaries and when she'll spend time in her room so you can chat to your OH alone/ make phonecalls/ whatever. Show her where the available foods are and explain what is out of bounds (maybe a drawer of the freezer and a shelf in the fridge?) I'm sure when you'll explain about the special icecream she'll be mortified and replace it....

Surely it's all out of bounds apart from the friend maybe making herself or them both a cup of tea etc, unless there is a biscuit tin on display for general use.

I'm not sure what I would do about it, I have a friend (distant!) with a character that makes her think ok to help herself to whatever she wants but I would never put myself in the situation where she had the opportunity.

sammyjammy

fluffnutter wrote: »

Like fish, guests go off after three days

Totally agree all my family and friends know there is 72hr limit, that counts for me visiting them as well, I just like my own space.

building_with_lego

sammyjammy wrote: »

Surely it's all out of bounds apart from the friend maybe making herself or them both a cup of tea etc, unless there is a biscuit tin on display for general use.

I'm not sure what I would do about it, I have a friend (distant!) with a character that makes her think ok to help herself to whatever she wants but I would never put myself in the situation where she had the opportunity.

Pretty much all out of bounds except, I feel, for a longer visit when the guest is at home while the host works- they may need to get lunch for example.

My point about boundaries came about after an experience a friend of mine had, when a friend stayed with her for MONTHS between houses and had no idea about boundaries! She would ensconce herself on the settee every evening and stay there, leaving my friend feeling unable to chat to her own husband, and having to leave the room to make family phonecalls.

On the other hand my MIL, who stayed here for almost a month when I was expecting my second, took herself off to her room every afternoon for 3-4 hours, in order to give us time as a family when OH came home from work. We then regrouped for dinner. The contrast in our experiences made me resolve that anyone staying here for more than the magic 3 days would have the boundaries and expectations explained!

tayforth

justme111 wrote: »

Tayforth , if you see nothing wrong with one person telling to other what he /she should or should not write then there is no point in further talking about it . What's the point in giving you more examples if you do not see yourself in the wrong in this one. Put your sward back and have a nice weekend

You're not lily76, by any chance? She has made similar insensitive/insulting posts, and then taken umbrage when I've pointed out how they may be hurtful to others.


And no, I am not in the wrong. I'm quite confident of that.


Note to self: do not engage with trolls.

Alpha58

People can change and move on a lot in seven years. Doesn't sound like she is much of a friend and she is clearly upsetting you.

Wait until she has gone then write or e-mail to explain that you cannot have her back to stay - you can either make an implausible excuse (which would be the same as saying "you are not welcome") or you can simply say that she upset you and you would love to keep in touch but would rather not host her. If you haven't see each other in seven years it doesn't sound like a close friendship!

gibson123

I like when guests make themselves at home and help themselves from the fridge. It means I don't feel like a servant. But if they are putting the kettle on they had better make sure that I get a cuppa as well and if they eat my flake they had better replace it! My brother starts every visit to me by walking into the kitchen and looking into my fridge, even if he is not hungry. he loves my cooking and my SIL is not a great cook. He rarely takes anything he just likes to have a good look. But I usually send him home with a few treats anyway. However he will also have a wee look round and check things like squeeky doors or if there is oil in my car. If friends arrive when I am doing dishes I would expect them to pick up a dish towel and I would do the same in their house. i was quite shocked when I went to a friends house at New Year and lots of people ate a huge meal, but only I helped clear the table and fill the dishwasher. I think people enjoy themselves better if they feel a part of things. Anyone criticising the cleaning standards would be handed a cloth!

Alpha58

justme111 wrote: »

Tayforth... ..Put your sward back and have a nice weekend

"Sward"?

Apparently, this is defined as:

Noun

• An expanse of short grass.
• The upper layer of soil, esp. when covered with grass.

Tayforth - so very wrong of you to bring your gardening issues into the conversation. Shame on you.

:rotfl:

tayforth

Alpha58 wrote: »

"Sward"?

Apparently, this is defined as:

Noun

• An expanse of short grass.
• The upper layer of soil, esp. when covered with grass.

Tayforth - so very wrong of you to bring your gardening issues into the conversation. Shame on you.

:rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Alpha58

tayforth wrote: »

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Word of the day: allodoxaphobia. Quote it back at the trolls