A friend staying at our place for 2 weeks

thegirlintheattic

LouLou wrote: »

The drinking lager at my sister's was maybe a week after his mouth cancer op, but he did pick up a few cans, to my astonishment, after he got off the bus from the hospital to my city, a three-hour journey (after walking out of the hospital; he said the nurses weren't monitoring or caring for his Addisons and Diabetes properly. If I recall right the op was the night before. I have read evidence of Addison's sufferers having problems with the NHS re aftercare; additional Diabetes complicates things further). He said he was so super-stressed he needed something and was very wobbly when he got to the bus station.

He's not a heavy drinker, honestly, but sigh, yes, it does feel as though I've got to go along with his wishes or he throws a strop. Most of the time we're together we're drinking nothing more than caffeine!

I don't understand Addison's at all, so working out whether it's convenient for him to walk, or is it to manipulate me, or it is a genuine fear from him about a Crisis..it's really hard to tell.

This sounds similar to what he has: http://addisons-diabetes.gkznet.com/

You are right that people with Addison's may not get the care they need in hospital - particularly as a lot of doctors/nurses don't understand that the hydrocortisone is vital everyday - and extra may be needed particularly after an operation. Stress can increase the risk of a crisis, and being in hospital with people who don't understand your condition is very stressful. I'd say he walked out of fear, especially as once he's out of the hospital he can administer his own medication. The Addisons Society has some really good information (and some horrific stories of hospitals) http://www.addisons.org.uk/. While you can drink with Addison's, he needs to be careful to avoid dehydration or vomiting - probably not a great idea after being stressed from hospital as his cortisol levels will be all over the place.

From what you have said I think that at the moment he is too emotionally mature to be staying long term with you, and it doesn't sound as if living together is feasible. I think you both need to have a long talk about what you both want from the relationship and some ground rules.

LouLou

Thanks I even read the forum I linked to for a while to see if I could pick up on mood swings and Addisons/Type I Diabetes. But that would be hard to prove..anyway, after reading around I didn't really get that impression. Some do say they get depressed/moody but not enough for me to think it's part of the illness, it seems more about steroid dosage and honing your treatment to suit you.

It did make me think though, that living with the conditions can put you in a lot of fear, serious hypos sound terrifying, as do Addisonian Crises, and this must have a knock-on effect psychologically. Perhaps one aspect to this is that he likes being around people a lot as it makes him feel safer. It hurts me to think of him being afraid.

Maybe I'm trying to cut him massive slack by looking for reasons, it could be as simple as him being someone who overreacts at times, and that's just his personality.

Immaturity, of course, is a whole different thing, and you're right, I'll have to talk to him, if I ever do. He's still not in touch.

Alpha58

justme111 wrote: »

Where have I said British are never rude - after all I guess tayforth who called me troll and another forumite who made an effort to google the typo I made and try to make fun of it are British

That was me. Yes I am. Can't speak for Tayforth.

justme111 wrote: »

For example as a common trait of british I would have mentioned reluctance to call a spade a spade . .

Not these days. It's a "broad bladed digging implement."

I'm not in a position to judge anyone's opinions but, being honest I struggle to understand what you are saying. As an example:

justme111 wrote: »

Because straight safe ones happen to be shortsighted enough so as not to see there us much more to it .

I'm "straight" and happily married so I suppose I am "safe" - does this make me shortsighted? Or loyal? Or am I misunderstanding?

LouLou

Just to say my boyf has been in touch, apparently he was in the wilds with no signal.

Sorry to the OP for hijacking somewhat. I'll have a good talk to him tonight when he's home. I appreciate everyone's thoughts.

Reading the Addison's/Diabetes forum terrified me actually, as I thought he might be ill with no way to contact me. Phew

mrbrightside842

gibson123 wrote: »

I like when guests make themselves at home and help themselves from the fridge. It means I don't feel like a servant. But if they are putting the kettle on they had better make sure that I get a cuppa as well and if they eat my flake they had better replace it! My brother starts every visit to me by walking into the kitchen and looking into my fridge, even if he is not hungry. he loves my cooking and my SIL is not a great cook. He rarely takes anything he just likes to have a good look. But I usually send him home with a few treats anyway. However he will also have a wee look round and check things like squeeky doors or if there is oil in my car. If friends arrive when I am doing dishes I would expect them to pick up a dish towel and I would do the same in their house. i was quite shocked when I went to a friends house at New Year and lots of people ate a huge meal, but only I helped clear the table and fill the dishwasher. I think people enjoy themselves better if they feel a part of things. Anyone criticising the cleaning standards would be handed a cloth!

Really? If I'd arranged to visit a friend and they saved their washing up until I'd got there, I'd expect them to leave the kitchen and come and talk to me in the living room.

neverdespairgirl

I think this is a tricky one - I don't automatically think it's rude, though. Standards and conventions really do vary.

When we first went to Israel, and were in one of OH's relative's flats, OH explained to me that, in Israel, it's often seen as rude to ask about making a drink, or eating something out of the fridge. It implies, OH says, that the host hasn't made you feel welcome and at home.

So in Israel, throwing open the freezer and helping yourself to the ice cream isn't remotely rude, because it shows you feel welcomed and looked after.

Similarly, when I stay with my parents, I often stay longer than 3 days, and wouldn't ever ask before making a cup of tea, or eating something. If I said to my mother, "can I have a cup of tea?" I think she'd assume I was asking her to make it, rather than asking permission (-:

Similarly, when my Dad drops round to our flat after work sometimes, he quite cheerfuly helps himself to a beer from our fridge, or puts the kettle on.

We had American guests for 4 weeks in two chunks earlier this year, and expected and encouraged them to help themselves. That makes life easier for us, makes us feel as if we're not constantly having to serve them or anything.