How can I fix this?

Pechow

Take anything valuable or sentimental with you, if you go. Might be an idea to store such things somewhere (with a friend or family) if you can. Think about getting back in touch with your friend who couldn't stand him? I'm sure she'd be happy to help you, and happy to hear about what you've done.

victory

Anon34 wrote: »

He's agreed we should split. Surprisingly easy actually. Frees him up I suppose.

Don't trust him, listen to the others that are telling you to change the locks, have someone with you, don't put yourself or your children at risk, do something quick

victory

Anon34 wrote: »

He has now emailed saying I'm the one causing this but saying I don't love him. All me again. I may go stay at my brothers

No more emails, act fast and decisive, he is acting that this news of the split he is accepting it, just like that, don't stay and wait unless you have someone there.

tayforth

Anon34 wrote: »

It doesn't feel like a good thing. I feel worse than when we are arguing.

It's normal to feel like that. I felt the same the night my ex left. You're in shock. You won't be dancing a jig just yet. But by God, you will feel happy about it when it's finally over, and that's a promise xx


I'm not sure that it's a good idea to leave tonight. You don't know what he'll do. If you do go, I would advise you to get the locks changed BEFORE you leave. If you stay, get someone to stay with you, and bolt/double lock the doors from the inside so that he can't get in.


My ex took the split calmly enough at first, but only because I caught him unawares. A few days later, he came into the house when I was at work, without notice. I still don't know if he took anything or tampered with anything. The next day, he took off with our jointly owned car and I haven't seen it since.


Then I had the locks changed. The peace of mind was incredible.


Please stay safe.

*Ro*

This website has a list of important things to take with you to your brothers when you leave, plus advice to protect yourself. They have a helpline too.

Please protect yourself and your daughter best to be safe than sorry

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005

Take care x

tayforth

And stop replying to his emails!

Also, don't delete anything he's sent you.

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

Frees you up.

Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for actually emailing him and telling him to leave

And dont waver, do not change your mind on this one, set a strict timescale as to when he has to be out of your home and stick to it

And THEN, if you drink, buy yourself the biggest bottle of sparkly something and crack it open and raise a toast to your new life.

You seriously deserve better than this. No one should put up with years of abuse from someone who claims to love them.

Totally agree with all of this!


I for one will join you in a toast when you've come through this xxx

Blackpool_Saver

So many of us (including me) have been in this position, I truly believed there was no escape, but there was, I wish I had known then what I know now, you must get him away from you and your children, as soon as possible. I had no family help, women's aid helped me...

indebtinsussex

hes a complete twonk.

my ideal advice would be to kick him hard and numerous times in the balls because of the way he's treated you, its not anywhere normal behaviour for a relationship (however I know that violence is bad, just hope that his bits fall off instead).

my ex was exactly how you described your partner, I've got a disorder which meant I lost the majority of my eyesight and he used to play the no one would want you because theres something wrong with you, you should be grateful that I'm putting up with you. He used to tell me that he didnt love me, point out with me what my faults were all the time, and how I was completely stupid and how it was embarrassing to listen to me because I didnt have a clue and so on and so forth (I still dont like thinking about it 9 years later)

I actually tried to commit suicide I was so unhappy, but as he put it, I was so ****ing useless I couldnt event manage that correctly.

In the end I left because I went away to an event without him and I could see how 'normal' couples behaved and that their partners werent abusive or put them down all the time, and that if they could have that, why couldnt I.

Pack his bags, leave them outside for him and get your locks changed immediately. Is there anyone who could stay with you for a couple of days to ensure that he doesnt do anything, and then is there somewhere you could stay for a bit for a bit of support?

Keep everything documented, he sounds like he's going to be a twonk through and through.

When he realised you're serious he'll probably apologise (mine did and I spent another year limping on in the disaster that was the relationship, and the mental abuse started straight away), but remember you deserve far far more than him and the abuse will just start over again.

sending you lots of virtual hugs and I look forward to reading about your shiny new life without that twonk xxx

CH27

Anon34 wrote: »

He has now emailed saying I'm the one causing this but saying I don't love him. All me again. I may go stay at my brothers

Don't go!
It's your house so stay there. Just get the locks changed ASAP.