How can I fix this?

Manchee

Anon34 wrote: »

Usually around 9ish. It's odd, there's not even an atmosphere, he has spoken to me a few times and I made him his dinner.

I'm hoping this time he knows it's make or break

Hang on here. I've been following this thread, I really feel for you. But I thought you had told him this was it and you wanted him to move out? If thats what you want, don't start talking about it being 'make or break'. If you've made your decision you need to stick to it, and firmly. Men like your OH will jump on ay sign of weakness and force you to back down.

Stay strong.

tayforth

Anon34 wrote: »

Usually around 9ish. It's odd, there's not even an atmosphere, he has spoken to me a few times and I made him his dinner.

I'm hoping this time he knows it's make or break

I'm confused now. Are you saying that you want to give it another go? xx

tayforth

Manchee wrote: »

Hang on here. I've been following this thread, I really feel for you. But I thought you had told him this was it and you wanted him to move out? If thats what you want, don't start talking about it being 'make or break'. If you've made your decision you need to stick to it, and firmly. Men like your OH will jump on ay sign of weakness and force you to back down.

Stay strong.

Manchee is right. Stay strong. Your OH is an abusive man and will not change. You know that, deep down. Stick to your guns xxx

Anon34

.............

BitterAndTwisted

Why didn't you ask him to start packing the moment he walked in the door instead of serving him his bloody dinner? Please, do not be fooled by his calmness. He could be waiting until the kids are in bed before giving you a good hiding.

Controllers and abusers do not like discovering that their control over their victims is weakening. That is the moment when they step up their behaviour to another level.

indebtinsussex

I know we cant live your life for you, but dont do it, you and your children deserve so much more than him.

my ex done exactly the same when I tried to finish it the first time, acted like nothing was wrong and that it was going to be good and the abuse would stop, and then within a matter of weeks he was back to his obnoxious abusive self.

xxx

Manchee

Anon34 wrote: »

He said he was fine with us being over, he's now acting like we never said anything. Helping with the kids now and being generally ok

Maybe he thinks you don't mean it. Maybe he just brushed it off and has forgotten all about it. If you want out of this you have to get yourself out. Hes not going to do it for you. As far as he's concerned hes quite comfy where he is, I bet - someone to play to play the little wifey and to take his bad moods out on without fear of any reprisals. You are more than that though. But he wont know that until you show him. Why are you waiting for him to make a move? Take control.

tayforth

OP - I would be seriously afraid of spending the night in the same house as him.

balletshoes

Anon34 wrote: »

Usually around 9ish. It's odd, there's not even an atmosphere, he has spoken to me a few times and I made him his dinner.

I'm hoping this time he knows it's make or break

he doesn't know the meaning of "make or break" because he's now back doing exactly what he always does, like the emails you exchanged today (hellloooo you know, like the one where he agreed that him leaving was a good idea?) never happened.

Your opinions and feelings mean so little to him that he has completely dismissed them, and this whole afternoon.

Its break time, not make. You 2 cannot make this work. You cannot.

coolcait

On the outside, I am sitting calmly at my computer reading this.

On the inside, this is happening:

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Get him out!! Get him out!!

Stay safe!!!

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

I think that part of the reason people sometimes suggest that threads like this are a wind-up is in order to protect themselves emotionally.

Reading about the life which the OP has accepted for herself, and the life which her children are being forced to live - for they have no choice about leaving. Knowing how it will affect those girls as they grow up.

That is heartrending. It does have an emotional impact on the reader.

But reading about the OP accepting this man back into her home tonight, giving him his dinner, allowing him to be in the same house as her, and her precious, vulnerable children. :eek:

Waiting to see what happens when the children go to bed, and she is left alone with this man who has abused her over the years, abused her children over the years, and who now knows that the OP has finally found the courage to tell him to leave...

Reading all of this, helplessly. Watching the OP ignore all the advice and warnings she is being given - seeing that no one is able to get through to her.

The feeling of raw terror and horror in the pit of your stomach, if this story is all true...

God, I hope I'm reading a wind-up thread. Not one which is giving a step-by-step account of a woman sleepwalking herself and her children into mortal danger.